The Daily Beast Population over age 21: 4,750,296 Avg. monthly drinks consumed per person: 15.5
Percent of population that are heavy drinkers: 7.4%
Percent of population that are binge drinkers: 20.1%
To compile the second annual list of the “drunkest” cities in the U.S., The Daily Beast first analyzed data from Experian Simmons, a leading market-research firm, which provided data on the average number of alcoholic drinks per month the residents of more than 200 cities across the country reported to have consumed in a survey from earlier this year. As well, we considered the percent of the population that are either binge drinkers or heavy drinkers for each metro area, according to the most recent data available from the Centers for Disease Control. The average number of drinks was given twice the weight of the heavy- and binge-drinking population for the final rank.
Does a bear shit in the woods? You're god dam right Boston is the drunkest city in America. You can't celebrate sports dominance without consuming large amounts of alcohol. I'm pretty sure 95 percent of the city was drunk for 3 months straight after the Bruins won the championship. I know the rest of America probably wants to look down on us as being raging alcoholics. While many of us are, truth be told we are the drunkest city in America because we know how to have a good fuckin time. Celebrating world championships takes heart, dedication and serious amounts of Bud Lights. If there's History to be made, there's a strong chance we will be drinking through it. Plus that Stanley Cup has a big fuckin bowl. Filling that thing certainly didnt help to sober our rankings.
The rest of the country calls it drunk. We call it winning.
Foxnews Officials says a moving melee involving scores of juveniles at the Mall of America took police and security officers over an hour to control as shoppers packed the sprawling shopping center the day after Christmas. Mall spokeswoman Bridget Jewell says about 50 young people were involved in a fight at a food court Monday afternoon and that dozens of them then swarmed through the Minnesota mall as bystanders ran into stores to get out of the way. Fifteen-year-old Makenzie Shofner tells the Star Tribune that some of the mob grabbed items from shoppers and kiosks. Police brought the melee under control after about an hour. Mall officials say they did not lock down the mall, that no weapons were involved and no serious injuries were reported in the disturbance.
Here you are the day after Christmas and all you want to do is return that gay ass sweater grandma got you from American Eagle Not only do you have to deal with hundreds of fuckin pyscho parents and cunty teenage chicks but you also have to dodge steel chairs flying through the air. No thanks, I'd rather stay home and eat left over stuffed shells all day. I dont understand why everyone in the world feels the need to rush right to the stores as soon as they can to return things. You got 30 days to return that shit. Here's an Idea, how bout you wait one fuckin week until all these god dam kids are back in school? That way you dont have to risk being impaled by an bar stool flying through the air. Just a thought.
Mall officials say they did not lock down the mall, that no weapons were involved and no serious injuries were reported in the disturbance
Um no weapons were involved? I'm not a lawyer but I'm pretty sure a steel chair is considered a weapon.
www.rhodeblock.com NORTH PROVIDENCE — Ever see a crazy man driving around in candy-cane striped car with workout equipment on the roof? Well, that car belongs to Pogo Dave Clayman, and it is officially on sale just in time for the holidays. Pogo Dave is insane, admittedly. If you don’t believe me, take a gander at his Facebook or website. If you need more proof, he put his 1991 piece-of-shit, ugly-as-sin Toyota Camary on ebay for the “Buy it now” price of $1.7 million. The current bid is $35,100, which doesn’t even meet the reserve price. The reserve price is the minimum amount the owner will accept for the item on sale, and Pogo Dave thinks $35,100 is a lowball offer for a car with 193,000 miles on it
Wait thats it? Just 1.7 Million? Thats a fuckin bargin if you ask me. Nothin like rolling around Rhode Island with a candy cane color gym on the roof of your car. You know how much pussy you could get with that? Zero. This guy is a fuckin psycho. There's also a 100 percent chance he's a pedophile. Who the fuck creates a car like this and doesn't have serious problems? Just driving around living life he's fuckin Mr. Mint. This isnt Candy Land bro. You cant just stroll through life like its a game. No way in hell anyone pays a god dam dime for this car. Unless of course your telling me I get to fuck Queen Frostine. Then its worth every cent of $1.7 million.
Seriously, I'm almost 30 and I haven't even come close to swapping spit under a mistletoe. To be honest shit is starting to piss me off. How can I sit here and act like Casanova when I 'm the only dude in the world that hasn't done this yet? Doesn't help when I got God dam Kay Jewelers commercials rubbing it in and shit. Just a constant reminder that I'm the last middle aged guy left who doesn't know what its like to get a chubby while making out under some leaves and berries. Fuck you Kay Jewelers. Sometime within the next 3 weeks these epic mistletoe blue balls are getting released.
"A mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it... But a kiss can be even deadlier if you mean it."
How boss of a move would it be it I walked up to a hot chick under a mistletoe and busted out this line? No way she could resist me.
PS.You talk about getting a chubby. Michelle Pfeiffer as catwoman? Have Mercy.
So this fucked up fairy tale starts off the bat with some odd shit. First they introduce the narrator who happens to be the only Chinese snowman I have ever seen. Also the only snowman that rocks a fu manchu similar to Colonel Sanders and Lakers coach Phil Jackson. WTF is up with that? What happened to the pipe, carrot nose and coal?
Anyway they cut right to the action. Rudolph is born with this glowing red nose. So Santa and Rudolph’s dad verbally crap all over him 5 seconds after his born. What a couple of ass holes. Then Santa goes into this fuckin “ I am old Kris Kringle” song and bounces. Song sucked, Santa’s fat and bald and he has no rhythm. Fuck him.
Rudolph’s dad doesn’t defend his son and rubs some friggin mud on his nose so he can go to reindeer camp and be inspected by that fat fuck Santa and the rest of the reindeers hoping that no one will see his glowing nose.
Scene then cuts to Hermie and the elfs. Hermie is the fruitiest character ever created. They give him this Zach Morris Hair cut and a voice similar to the biker guy who plays MR. Garrisons boyfriend on South Park. “Jesus Christ”
So later at reindeer camp , Rudolph meets up with some other reindeers. One of them is named fireball. Of course he is the only reindeer that has orange hair on his head and freckles on his face. Way to be subtle on this one. Name him Fireball? Might was well just call him Firecrotch. Shits disrespectful to all red heads.
Rudolph later meets Hermie the elf. Bang! Out of nowhere this diddler pops out of a snow bank that Rudolph has sat down on. What is this mutha fucka doin randomly chilling in a snow bank? Anyway, these two geniuses decide to leave camp and go out on their own.
During their travels they come across this child molester named Yukon Cornelius. This guy is tripping sack. He shows up on a dog sled claiming he’s a prospector. Every 5 minutes this spaz takes his mining pic, throws it in the air and then licks it. Let me repeat that, this fucker tosses his pic in the air and then licks it. I’m not a fuckin gold prospector but in my 29 years of life I have never understood what the fuck licking the pic means. Let alone try to understand that shit when I’m 8 years old.
So all 3 of these fucks stubble upon the island of Misfit toys. They end up spending the night in a shack the size of an out-house. Way to teach kids to sleep with a hairy “prospector” you just met with the worlds sketchiest mustache. Eventually Rudolph comes to his senses and leaves the shack in the middle of the night so the elf and prospector can spoon alone.
The movie fast forwards sometime and Rudolph comes home. He checks on his parents and they are not there. Santa says that “they left to find you.” Then he says “I really need your father if I am going to fly my sleigh.” Way to be real considerate you fat fuck. Staying with the theme throughout the movie, Santa continues to be the huge Asshole.
Rudolph eventually finds his family trapped by the abominable snowman. This Abominable snowman looks like Osama Bin Laden’s beard with a face on it. So, The Fruity Elf and Diddling prospector show up and help Rudolph save his family.
The movie ends with everyone together back at Santa’s castle, all happy and singing. Santa tells Rudolph he needs him now because of his nose. What a selfish douche-bag. Of course this fuck would only want Rudolph now because he can help him see through the fog with his glowing nose.
In the final scene, Santa and all the Reindeer are lined up with Rudolph leading the pack. Santa yells out, “ready Rudolph?” and Rudolph yells back, “ready Santa!” You know what? Fuck that ending! Santa was a cocksucker the whole movie. The ending should have went like this
Santa: "Ready Rudolph?"
Rudolph: "You know watch Santa? Fuck you! Your Fat ass and the rest of these arrogant fucks can deliver this shit buy yourself. I'm get out this bitch. Peace.”
This blog is dedicated to my sister. This movie subconsciously fucked us up a little when we were kids.
Is this smartphone application a joke? People actually have to pay for this shit? Just skipping around la de da on a boardwalk as Pauly D? What the fuck is the point of this game? Where the hell is Karma and Beach Combers kid? I want to strut into a club and pull some guidette ass! You know how challenging it would be to get past all the hater guidos and the cock craving grenades? Not to mention bringing your dime piece back to the house and into the jacuzzi. You got to deal with Snooks cock blocking your ass and the Situation trying steal your girl. Just thinking about getting that far in the game makes my fingers hurt.
This fuckin app is weak sauce Pauly D. I thought you were better than that.
Im not gonna lie. I almost lost my shit when I found out you could go into "Juice Head" mode. Sounds more lethal then when you used to get the star in Mario Brothers.
So at about 1 o’clock yesterday afternoon. I saw John Stamos post something on his Twitter account that he was going to be performing with the Beach Boys down the street from me in New Brunswick. So I said to myself how many times do you get a chance to see Uncle Jesse right down the street from where you live? I figured I would tweet him and see if he could hook me up with some free tickets. To my surprise Stamos responded back almost instantly.
He then proceeded to direct message me, asking for my name and how many tickets that I wanted. I gave him the info and he told me everything would be waiting for me at tickets will call pick up window. Coincidently I was setting up a date that night at the same time he was messaging me. (Yes it was match.com date cause that’s how I roll.) There is no more boss move in life than to tell a chick you are going to take her backstage to meet Uncle fuckin Jesse on a first date. I don’t even think she believed me when I told her.
So we fast forward in this story all the way to around 8 o’clock where my date and I are about to walk into the State Theater in New Brunswick. We realized that that average age of this crowd walking in was around 60 years old. I’m not fucking kidding. It only got worse when some old geezer out front looked at us and said, “Aren’t you guys a little young to be here?” Shut the fuck up pops, I’m here for Stamos. I could give a flying fuck about Brian Wilson and the Beach Boys.
We walk over to will call and sure enough, my man Stamos comes through with 4 tickets and 4 Vip passes. The nice thing to do would have been to give our extra tickets to a big fan out front. However, Im an asshole and I decided to keep them so my date and I could have an empty seat on each side of use like we own the place. Once concert started we realized the average age of this crowd looked closer to 75 than 60. Pretty sure the old guy in front of me fell asleep 3 times and he looked like his hip was going to snap as he tried to jam out to Kokomo.
When the concert was over we decided to give our extra back stage passes to this couple that looked like they loved the Beach Boys. When I went to give them the passes they lost their shit. This guy and his wife started telling me this was the 82nd time they have seen the Beach Boys live and that I just made their fuckin day. These 2 fans seemed like psychos and I started to worry that this was a bad idea. Together we all walk around back of the building where we could use our passes. As we get in there is this long all way next to the green room. All the bouncers pointed us into the green room. Not one second after we get in this nut job guy and wife we gave the passes start to verbally blow lead singer Brian Wilson. This guy literally told Brian Wilson his vocals sounded great tonight. Really? I leaned into my date and said, “um, we fucked up. We just gave those passes to absolute stalkers.”
Stamos was not in the green room yet so my date pops her head out the door and looks in the hall way. She sees him talking to some fans. We decided to get the fuck out of the green room and say hi to him. As we are standing in the hallway waiting for his conversation to finish he sees me and points to me as if he knows me. Eventually he walks over and says, “hey, you’re the guy from twitter right?” I said ya, we introduced ourselves and shook hands. Then out of nowhere the nut job husband and wife tandem comes over to Stamos and just kills our conversation.
Right away the wife starts blabbing away about how some guy just gave them backstage passes. She such a fuckin deranged clam that she doesn’t even realize I’m standing 2 ft from her. Then she tells Stamos we gave them to her. Instantly I reply, “I was being nice trying to give a big fan our extra passes... Just trying to be a nice guy.” I emphasized “nice guy” because I knew these people were insane and so did Stamos. I didn’t want him to hate me cause I took the extra passes he gave me and handed them to these fucks. Not even 5 seconds into the conversation this cunt asks Stamos “what is it like looking as hot as you do? The women must love you!” Stamos turns over his right shoulder looks at me and in a joking nature and goes, “this is your fault.” I laugh and he tries to small talk them for a bit. The both of them continue to ask him questions you would expect a 10 year old girl to ask. Stamos again looks over his right shoulder at me and my date and goes, “again, this is your fault” as he shakes his head. Eventually, these 2 people shut up and leave. I apologized to Stamos and he laughed and said don’t worry about it. We then proceeded to have a 10 minute conversation.
You're going to have a hard time believing the following facts I’m about to tell you. I promise you they are true. And yes, I am as boss as I sound in this story...
We start off talking to John about the show and what we thought of it. We also had some small talk about Twitter and just our situation in general and how cool it was the way we all met. Then he starts to ask about us. I look at my date and then Stamos and tell him that this is actually our first date. He looks interested and says, “No shit.” Then I blow his mind and tell them it’s also a match.com date and that she and I had never actually met until tonight. Stamos looks at me then my date and is bewildered. He goes “Wait, so you two met online and this show tonight is your first date? Wild.” I go “ya man, im big time like that.” We all laugh and then Stamos goes. But you two are real good looking people, why do you need to use online dating.” I look at him and go “John, picture yourself at home on Sunday. You got the NFL package, you’re watching 8 games at once all from your lay-z boy chair. Then you bust out the laptop and pick up chicks all with the click of a mouse.” With hand rubbing his chin, he looks at me raises his eyebrows and nods his head and says, “I see what you’re saying.” My date looks at me like I’m a fuckin dickhead. Then she goes,” creep on chicks while watching football huh?” I shrug my shoulders and look at her and Stamos and go “It's multitasking at its best.”
We make some more small talk about what im studying in school and why I followed him on twitter because I wrote a blog a week ago about how I thought he would be the best Edward Cullen if Twilight was cast in the 80’s. We laughed about it and then talked about a few other random things, then we decide to take some pictures. My date hands her phone to a security guy and asks him to take a picture of all 3 of us. Stamos then suggest that we take a picture with my phone too for my blog of just him and I. Which I thought was really cool of him. (Guy never seemed to be in a rush to get rid of us.) As we are just about to put our arms around each other for a picture he stops and leans back a little and looks right at me. Then he turns to my date and says, “Do we look a like?” As he says this he points to himself and then me. He’s like, “no, seriously. I think we look a lot alike. You’re a good lookin guy.” My date looks at me in what must have been the greatest dating moment of her life and goes. “Ya, he’s like a John Stamos Jr.” I blush like a school girl and look at Stamos and reply, “Thanks man, we’re like twins.” We then smile and take the picture as my ego explodes.
I thank him for the picture and go to shake his hand. He ignores me, steps to his left and in dead serious fashion pulls out his iphone, leans in inches away from my date and goes, “Before you go, let me get your number.” He holds his facial expression serious for a second and then laughs, places his hand on my shoulder and goes, “I’m just fuckin with ya.” We all laugh as I touch him on the shoulder back and say “Stamos, you son of a bitch! You had me there for a sec.” (pretty sure my date came in her pants when he did this.) We both shook his hand and thank him for everything. Just when we were about to walk away he stops and goes, “what are you guys doing after?” I told him we were just grabbing drinks somewhere. He tells me that there is an after party but he’s not sure where. He tells us to hang on a sec. He then goes in down the hall around the corner to find out where this place is from someone else. 1 min later he tells us he is going to a bar called Glo down the street and we are welcomed to join him. We were both very gracious of the offer and thanked him a ton and told him we’d probably see him later.
As we walked out onto the street I turned to my date with the biggest grin in the world and said, “did that really just happen? Fuckin Uncle Jessie basically said he and I were twins, that I was a handsome SOB and then he invited us to and after party.” We were both beside ourselves. My ego was so big that my feet didn’t touch the ground for the rest of the night. Anyone who knows me, knows that I’m already full of myself to begin with. Mix in John Stamos telling you that you look like an Italian god and now we're talking full blown egotistical maniac for life. For the remainder of the night I just kept looking my date dead in the eye finishing every sentence off with "Have Mercy."
My date and I went to a bar for an hour and then tried to go to club Glo that Stamos told us to show up to. As we got our ID’s checked we confirmed that he was indeed in there. However, just as we were about to pay a cover at the desk we had a change of heart. We both noticed how dark and loud it was in the club. I then pointed out it was only 45 min till last call. There was no doubt that Stamos was creeping on women somewhere in this club. The last thing we wanted to do was cock block Uncle Jesse as he’s trying to get is dick wet. Dude was too good to us to step on his game. Just wasn’t the environment for he and I to continue our bromance. So we decided to call it a night and go home.
Perhaps one day Stamos and I will meet again, forming the most lethal tandem in the history of bromances. Stamos and Stamos Jr. men want to be us and women want to be with us.
Boston.com During a screening last weekend of “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn -- Part 1” at Showcase Cinema de Lux Legacy Place, theater workers had to stop the film about 10 minutes before it was over to help an ailing moviegoer in the back of the theater. The audience waited patiently with the house lights up while the person in Lux seating was checked out by EMTs. After about 20 minutes, the disoriented ticket holder was walked slowly out of the theater so that the rest of the Twi-hards could go back to a bloodied Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. We didn’t know what was happening at the time but perhaps now there’s an answer. The Hollywood Reporter and ABC News put out stories today explaining that a smattering of people across the country have reportedly had seizures during the end of “Breaking Dawn,” specifically during the birth scene (sorry -- spoiler), which involves flashes of red, black, and white. Showcase Cinemas reps were not available for comment. We plan to return for another screening of “Breaking Dawn” this weekend, you know, just to see if anyone else needs to be escorted out of the theater.
What bunch of pussises. What, you cant survive a scene where a chick has a fuckin baby? Grow up. I'm sure vampire pussy probably looks a little too pasty white but gimme a break with this seizure shit. You know how bad I wanted to cry and scream like a little bitch during the boat scene in Willy Wonka? You talk about siezures? The only way grown men could get through this sence was to be trippin sack off mushrooms. Too bad I was only 5 and I had to resort to snorting pixy stixs. Spare me with the "I cant handle the birth scene" in some vampire movie.
Hands down this is the most fucked up memory from my childhood. That and the first time I was introduced to Sloth.
So, I am getting to that age where I really have to start thinking about when it is time for me to retire from Thanksgiving Eve. I mean shit, I'm almost 30 years-old. I know my time should be coming to an end. You look at great MHS legends that no longer make an appearances. For one reason or another at somepoint they realize it's time to hang it up. Some get married, others have children and some people just move too far away. Most townies have had enough of the shit show and just know its time to hang-em up.
...Me, I'm on pace to never get married and I dont have any kids. (at least none that I know about.) So the way I look at it I am prob never going to retire from Thanksgiving eve. I know I will end up being that 35 year-old son of a bitch that can't let it go. I will be like the Brett Favre of Thanksgivng Eve. I'll be hanging on for so long that Kids I use to watch at the YMCA when they were 10, will soon be drinking right along side me. And the whole time they are talking to me they will be saying to themselves, "Dam this mutha fucka is too old to be out tonight." (and they will be right.) Shit, Who knows. Maybe in a few years I will be 32, have kids and a wife. But, it's more likely I am going to be like George Clooney, 40 plus years-old never going to get tied down to any thing. Bachelor 4-life. Well, enough of listening to my sweet fuckin 5 year plan. Bottom line, as long as I am single with no kids I'm going to ABUSE THE FUCKIN SHIT OUT OF THANKSGIVING EVE.
This year this blog is dedicated to those of us that won't make it out this year. Good for you. Unlike me you prob actually have a life and have something better to do than trying to drink yourself into a coma and get stuck into awkward never ending conversations with peeps you havent talked too since 1999. This blog is also dedicated to every townie that had no choice. To every townie that stood in line at that one fuckin bar that everyone in town couldn’t properly fit into. To all the townies who had a case of swamp ass from just standing in line at the Pic just to get in. To all the townies that said to themselves…
• “WTF! This line is so long I'm freezing my nuts off out here!”
• “Why the fuck is it so hot in here,I feel claustrophobic.”
• “Why did we come here again?”
• “It smells like BO in here.”
• “Fuck this, next year im not going out!”
Now, without further fahkin adieu. THE THANKSGIVING EVE BLOG…
November 23rd 2011 8pm. at Any Bar In Massachusetts, (Thanksgiving Eve)
It's quite possibly could be the biggest drinking day of the year. With Thanksgiving Day just hours away everyone is back home to be their families and friends. There is a building anticipation as the night gets near knowing that there are so many people that you are going to renew acquaintances with. The local bars are sure to be filled to capacity with lines streaming out the door. So with all this hype built up, what's it actually like when you get inside? Well to be honest with ya… it's a big shit show!
Let me preface the points I'm going to make by telling you that throughout this Shit show at the local bar, you will have a voice inside your head narrating your night. You know, like Fred Savage in The Wonder Years. So when you see any words inside parenthesis, it is your inner thoughts speaking to you in addition to what you are really thinking.
The night starts with a little pre-game at a friend's house. (Cause god knows you can't handle this night anywhere near sober.) So about 3-5 beers deep, couple of shots and/or funnels the men head out. The women head out after having half of a Michelob Ultra and a glass of White Zin. (probably from the box.) The men have a slight buzz and a grin on their face. While the women are claiming they're bleeped faced and complaining that they are cold.
When you arrive, it is clear that this bar is packed! Every town has its watering hole where the locals get tanked the night before Thanksgiving. In Mansfield, this place use to be the Piccadilly Pub/99 in Foxboro. Every town is the same. Once you get into this place it's hot as hell (A case of mid summer swamp ass to go along with passionate pits like you never thought you could have) and people are standing shoulder to shoulder.
When you take a step in you serve the scene like Tom Brady looking over the Pittsburgh Steelers defense. You lean in and and say some shit to your friend like. “Hey, hey. Don’t look now but so and so is to your right. No, No, don’t look dude! She is looking over here at me!" (nice thanks for fuckin looking bro, now I have to talk to her. You know what dude? you're a real douche) ...Within seconds you know which areas of the bar to avoid and which areas to attack. (I don't give a shit how hard you try to avoid someone… on this night they are gonna get ya!)
As you and your crew meander through the mob scene like Adrian Grenier and his entourage there is something that all guys do to each other. Every guy busts out the head nod, followed by a "what's up Dude?" (I've done so many head nods by the end of the night I feel like I am going to puke and could possibly be suffering from shaken baby syndrome.) So 99.9 percent of the conversations start and sound something like this… "Hey what's up, how ya been?" (BOOM! one second in and I already dont give a fuck) 30 minutes later the conversation is over. (I was looking for a quick 5 min summary, cliff notes if you will. Not the past 8 years of you're life)
Genuinely there are many people you look forward talking to, but on this night, we all get stuck in about 5-10 conversations that we could give a flying fuck about. This is true, it happens to all of us. Heck on this night there are going to be a few people that talk to me and are saying to themselves "Shut the fuck up Chief!" (Hey, it's ok because I'm 110% sure I will be thinking the same thing about you:)
Anyway… these awkward conversations have can have a number of elements to them. Here's a list...
• People that like to talk 5 inches away from your face. (Umm personal space... Back the fuck up bitch)
• Girls that like to give you the we are "Best friends" hug (Even though I talked to you like twice in high school. Ok fine, here's an "ass-out" hug) (*If you're hot I'll prob sneak an ass-in hug*)
• The kid that keeps talking to you all night and you have no fucking idea who he is. (How do I know you? And as soon as he walks away you nudge your friend and Say, “dude who the fuck was that?”)
• The tough guy that has to give you the hand crusher/military handshake. (fuck you buddy. My ego is not built off of if I can crush another dudes hand)
• The girl that can't stop telling old stories about herself...
All of these conversations eventually come to an end. But, watch out for this… "Hey let me get your number sometime… maybe we can hang out."( Ummm ya… maybe you can spoon feed me some more of that fresh bullshit stew your brewing) All of you know this will happen. Hey, it’s one thing if any of these people actually called you. However, you have blazed down this bullshit trail before. You are a thanksgiving eve veteran and we both know that none of these people ever call you. (New for 2011, Hey I’ll Facebook you! Sweet now I can know what you are doing all hours of the day! Even though I could give 2 shits. Yes!)
Guys, you're gonna know where I’m going with this next point. Mostly girls do this "Hey let me get your number" thing. A few of them will go "let me see your cell phone and I'll put my number in." (Get you're clammy hands off my crappy Zack Morris Nokia cell phone bitch!) There is no way of getting out of this without being a complete ass. As you walk away you'll say some BS like, "Ya, I'll give ya a call. Hit ya up sometime." (Ya right I will)
This night might mean more to me if I wasn't a 29 year old former Mansfield townie. But, Unfortunately I am. Here is how I know …
• For 7 years I worked at the Mansfield YMCA 2 minutes away from my house.
• The people at Mansfield Deli use to know me by name. Also when I used to walk into Quan's kitchen I could just smile and Mr. Quan would say. "D-5 for you?" (your god dam right Mr. Quan. Love me a D-5)
• Subconsciously while driving I can avoid every pothole on rt. 106.
• I feel like going anywhere outside of a 5-mile radius from my home is "far away."
• I never paid for ice cream at Sweet N’ Crafty because I knew everyone that worked there.
• I still call the Comcast Center "Great Woods."
….There is more but you get the point.
So by the end of the night some of the following things are guaranteed to be in your thoughts… There is going to be someone you talked to tonight that you wished you were friends with in high school. There is going to be a girl/guy you see that looks a lot better now that they did back in 1999. (There is also going to be a girl/guy you see that took the freshman 15 and added another 15 lbs to that …What do you get when you guzzle down sweets?) There is gonna be that one person that you wanted to slap in the face all night like Charlie Murphy wanted to do to Rick James.
Regardless what you're thinking, Thanksgiving Eve is good night. There is nothing better than reminiscing about the Glory Days. (Like the time Jeff Buck Supposildy threatend to blow up the school online and none of us went to class. we just kept driving down East St. seeing if there was smoke coming from the school. Long live "Jeff Buck" day, 2001) Your cheeks will hurt from smiling too much. (Or Fake smiling sometimes that hurts more.)
Ok, well I hope to see you crazy sons of bitches out at Patriots Place tonight. (Actually, I really only care to see about 10 of you) If your looking for me I wont be hard to find. I'll be the guy hidding in a group of people, acting like I care what you are saying, fake laughing, busting out the "Whats up dude" head nod and giving chicks bomb ass-out hugs.
Peter Facinelli are you serious? Kevin Bacon as Edward Cullen? Did you not watch Full House? If Twilight was cast in the 80’s a young John Stamos would have dominated shit out of that role. Picture Stamos running through the woods chasing after Bella (who would be played by Pheobe Cates) he grabs her arm and spins her into his chest. He leans in and kisses her neck then subtly turns to the camera and says “Have Mercy.” Chicks would lose their shit, uncontrollably touching themselves. “Have Mercy” would be trademarked immediately. Millions of girls would be rocking Stamos T-shits with his catch phrase embroidered across the front. He would be bigger than James Dean and Sinatra combined. Pattinson better count his lucky starts that Stamos isn’t 25 years younger. He’d of kicked his ass in auditions. You can’t compete with Uncle Jesse bro. Game, Set, Match, Stamos.
NJ.com Under a new proposal, officials of Rutgers University would require the "grease trucks" to leave campus overnight, put the coveted spaces in the lot up for public bid, raise the rent and require the trucks to collect and remove their own grease.
Being a transplant Masshole in New Jersey I had to learn new customs and norms. I wasnt even here for 24 hours before people started coming up to me and asking me if I tried the Grease trucks yet. No idea what these people were talking about. They wouldnt stop, day after day. "Oh, you go to Rutgers? Did you try the Grease Trucks?!" Like jesus christ people, what the fuck is the big deal with the Grease Trucks? So I drove my ass down there one night and witnessed the madness that is the Grease Trucks on College Ave. There were hundreds of shitfaced kids lined up to pound these sandwiches. It was unreal. I mean I love my Dunkin Donuts, but if I saw a line that long I would peace out that bitch. Anyway, I tried a Fat Darrell and it was no joke. Def lived up to the hype. It was worth it despite the fact I shit my brains out for 2 hours straight.
Someday when I leave this place and people ask me to sum up Rutgers I will say: Grease Trucks, Football and Easton Ave. In that order. If you take away the grease trunks you take away the greatest tradition this university has.
How bad did you want to cunt punt this chick in the tiara? Nobody gives a fuck that its your birthday sweet tits. Tonights all about the grease trucks.
Question (1:16): "If the roles were reversed and that happens to Timmy (Thomas) would there have been a stronger response from you guys?"
Lucic: "Definitively. We wouldn't except anything like that. We would have took care of business. But, we're a different team than they are."
Translation: Ryan Miller is a pussy. Buffalo turtled like a bunch of bitches and if you tried something like that to our goaltender we would beat the piss out of him in the corner until the refs dragged us off.
Ryan Miller Response
He out weighs you by 50 pounds? Shut the fuck up Ryan Miller. Bro, you were 15 feet outside the crease playing the puck at the same time Lucic was. Grow up. How bout you call your own team out for doing absolutely nothing in your defense while you lay "dead" on the ice. Now that's gutless.
Tuition at Penn State: $50,000, Smartphone so everything you do is recorded on tape : $500, Joe Pa Life size cut out: $42.99 . Telling your parents you got expelled becasue you supported and 84 year old pedophile enabler: Priceless
Seriously though, how ironic is it that while all this is going on a Joe Pa cut out shows up, proceeds to stand there, watch and then does nothing.
So I've been watching videos on this story for hours but this douche bag wins. Is it even possible to come off looking like more of a uneducated asshole than this kid? I cant remember the last time I wanted to reach through the TV and Punch someone square in the face this much. The part at the end when he looks around to the rest of the crowd like he's fuckin Van Wilder big man on campus drove me berzerk. Hate this kid with a passion.
Inside Jokes at Blog World Make You Want to Stab Yourself In The Eye
Nothing less funny then being in a conversation with a group of people that constantly drop inside jokes. Everyone laughs while you just sit there and fake chuckle looking like a douche having no clue whats going on. Well imagine a room filled with thousands of people and the guy on stage does the same shit. You’d want to go up there and punch him in his dick right? Welcome to Blog World, this happened at least once every presentation. And it was definitely a guy thing. How many inside jokes do we need to hear about the shittyness of Google Plus? We get the point. Only thing less funny about inside jokes are inside jokes about fuckin social media.
What the Hell Was Cheech Doing at Blog World?
Obviously he was trying to promote something but it just seemed random as hell. Your walking around the expo room and then all of the sudden you come to this group of people surrounding this area talking pictures and you notice its Cheech. People were flocking all around him like he was Justin Bieber. Relax. Dude made movies about getting high. I don’t think hes going to shed any light on how you can bring more traffic to your website or improve your Klout score.
Rick Fox is a Media Whore
So my inside sources at blog world (yes I had inside sources. I networked like a muthafucker at this thing) told me that some of the speakers originally planned canceled last minute. So you’re in LA and you need someone to get on stage who do you call? Rick Fox. What the fuck does Rick Fox have to do with blog world? Who knows. It’s just comical that this guy would pop in last minute to get on stage and talk about himself. Not to mention majority of people there had no idea he even existed before the Lakers. From Celtics 6th man to the toast of Hollywood. Dam you Rick Fox, you good lookin son of a bitch. The next interview you turn down will be your first.
Q and A Sessions At Blog World Are Painful to listen Too
Can’t tell you how many times some douche would come up to the microphone and ask a 2 minute long question that no one in the room knew what he was talking about. Every asshole that got to the mic also had to give a shameless plug to their website. Get to the point bro. I didn’t pay $800 to sit here so you could listen to yourself talk.
The Women of Blog World Were Drop Dead Gorgeous
You literally could have just walked around and checked out the eye candy and gotten your money’s worth. Not sure if it was a California thing but some of these women looked like they should be in Maxim. I debated back and forth on whether or not I should just drop everything I was doing and creep on chicks all day, which would have included stalking iJustine. Do you want to sit in an hour long presentation about how to get more likes on your shitty Facebook page or do you want to sit and chat with smokeshows from the OC? Geeze, tough choice here. I mean that Facebook page isn’t going to like it’s self.
LA Fans Are Soft as Puppy Shit
How come nobody beat my ass for talking this picture? I literally stood there for a minute taking about 3 pictures holding this exact pose. People just walked on by like it was normal. If someone in Boston decided to pull this shit in front of the Bobby Orr Statue, a sniper would pick them off from a roof and then Massholes would stomp them out reminiscent of a scene from Grand Theft Auto. Toughen the fuck up LA. Show some self respect.
Heavy D was one of the best all time Rappers. If you weren't nodding to you're head to songs like "Is it good too you?" in the late 80's and early 90's then you were deprived growing up and your taste of music was questionable at best. Pandora "Heavy D" is on full blast for the rest of the night.
Let me preface this by saying a lot of thought went into this decision. I mean how often do you get to pay money to stand in a room and talk to hundreds of people you never really cared about, right? Shit is once in a lifetime opportunity. Nothing like listening to how everyone’s lives are just their 9-5 jobs and cleaning their kids diapers. Riveting stuff right there if you ask me. You ever wondered what happened to Billy from woodshop? Well tonight is your night to find out. Is he married, is he in jail, does he have kids, is he still and epic douche bag? Enquiring minds want to know!
Lets not bullshit here. High School reunions are huge pissing contests of who can spin how great there shitty lives have been for the past 10 years. Does anyone really give fuck about more than 10-20 people from your their entire graduating class? If you say yes then you’re full of shit. Go check your Facebook page and see how many people from high school you are friends with and then tell me how many of them you proceeded to block from your news feed cause you don’t give a flying fuck what they have to say. So now you’re telling me you want to hang with those same fuckers for 5 hours and pay money to do it? Sounds like a boss night if you ask me. Just a room full of people in their late 20’s taking babies, weddings and what they do to kill time while they sit in a cubicle. I’d rather be kicked square in the nuts while simultaneously being punched in the face than participate in this. Count my ass out. I’ll most likely be down the street at another bar talking about how awesome it is to not have a wife and kids, what its like to go to college full time at age 29 and the one time I threw a touchdown pass in the 4th quarter against Watertown.
So Im doing some of my own investigation reporting to support the fact this is indeed Julian Edelman. I mean its pretty fuckin obvious from the stories and mug shot that its him. But I wanted to fact check for myself. While searching around on twitter and found another picture of Edelman he took one week ago. http://twitpic.com/72vk4p I figured all dudes have this one pose they do in pictures. How do I know this? Cause I have about 300 pictures of me doing the Al Bundy Polk High pose for some reason. Its just something guys do. We all have our nitch. Apparently #11 here is a pointer.
Athletes need to be careful when it comes to today's social media. Good or bad, stories e can build up in the blink of an eye when everyone around you has a smartphone.
Whos kidding who, I barley even heard a word that was said in this video. Something about being scared of spiders, fire and burried alive. blah, blah, blah. Whatever. But who's the chick that hates mascots? Holy shit! I don't give a fuck that the Bruins are 3-7 or that they can't score on the power play. If shes skating around on the ice the B's can go 3-79. Fuck em.
This might be the hottest girl I've ever seen in my life. My biggest fear would be freezing like a deer in headlights if this Kasey chick ever talked to me. Straight fire.
My man is rockin the shit out of that Fred Flintstone costume. Imagine if The Rock was your dad and he went out like this trick or treating with you? You'd get whatever the fuck you wanted. People be throwing whole candy bars and shit into your bag. Mom's would answer the door and lose their inhibitions, throwing themselves at dear old dad. Fathers would answer the door and strike up and instant bromance. "whatever you want Rock, whats your son want for Halloween? Candy bars? Oh no, I got something better. How bout my daughters virginity, would your son like that? Anything for you Rock." Ya, that would be the shit. Dominate your entire block. You could just walk up to kids you don't like, punch em in the gut and take all their good candy. Nice Mario Brothers costume Jabroni, thanks for the Charleston Chews. Now go fuck ya self. What they gonna do about it? Nothin. Fuckin Dad aka Fred Flinstone, aka The Rock, aka the Peoples Champion is there to back you up.
If you dont think having The Rock as your trick or treating side kick would result in all you can eat pu-tang pie and candy corn, your out of your fuckin mind.
Here I am creeping the net for Slutty Halloween pics and I run into this pic on twitter. Instantly I'm like "boom! Whos the dime piece to the right?" Just when I'm about to get a chub I realize the dime piece is fuckin Snooki. Wait, what? Snooki really just turn me on? You got to be fuckin kidding me. I think Snooki is the most repulsive chick alive. I wouldn't touch her pickle eating ass if you paid me. But tonight? Idk. Not gonna lie to ya. I think Id smush Snooks out right now. I mean it ok cause its Halloween right? ...right?
To its core this is why Facebook was invented. So guys like me in the twilight of their dating careers can sit home and still experience the sluttieness that goes along with Halloween. I mean if someone would of told you ten years ago that one day you could go online and be able to see real time picture updates of hundreds of girls slutty Halloween costumes all at once you wouldn't have believed them. Cause that kinda shits too good to be true, that shit sounds like heaven. Well my friends its not heaven, its Facebook on Whore-O-Ween Weekend. And it starts now.
Nothin like taking a rubber bullet to the old eye socket eh? You think half these people even know why they are out there? Like I get the whole standing up for what you believe in shit but once the police in riot gear start march toward you screaming in a bull horn that they're gonna tear gas your ass, don't you think its time to bounce? And whats up with the dude screaming into this kids ear? "Whats your name! Whats your name!" Kid just took a rubber bullet to the side of the dome. Calm down bro, this isn't paint ball. Last thing he wants is some earthy crunchy protester screaming in his face as he takes the final breaths of his life.
FoxNews Talk about the nanny state. A man living as an "adult baby" in California claims the federal government will allow him to continue collecting Social Security disability checks, after investigators apparently closed the probe into his case requested by Sen. Tom Coburn. Stanley Thornton drew the outrage of Coburn, an Oklahoma Republican, after he was featured on the National Geographic Channel show "Taboo" earlier this year. Coburn asked for an investigation from the Social Security Administration, questioning why he was allowed to receive federal benefits -- all the while living part of his life as a baby, sleeping in a crib and drinking from a bottle. But Thornton, in a lengthy essay on his website, said the Social Security Administration and other agencies have cleared him - and he excoriated Coburn for his involvement. "Personally I think Coburn just doesn't like the fact that I role play as a baby and so he wants to see me punished," he wrote. Thornton posted on his site what he claimed to be an August letter from the Social Security Administration."We recently reviewed the evidence in your Social Security disability claim and find that your disability is continuing," the letter said. The letter said the government would be reviewing his case "from time to time" to see if he's still eligible. Thornton was receiving about $860 per month in disability payments, according to The Washington Times. He was living with a woman who acted as his caretaker and was also receiving disability checks until she died earlier this year. Thornton claimed that his disability benefits were based not on his lifestyle as an adult baby, but on a range of conditions -- from post-traumatic stress disorder to ADHD to spinal problems to depression. "All my illnesses have had extensive testing," he wrote on his site.
This guys a piece of work huh? $860 a month to stay home all day and act like a baby? Pretty sweet gig if you ask me. Lets call a spade a spade. Stanley Thornton is working the government like a motherfucker. This guy has a fuckin website? Hows he get the money to run that and set that shit up? Meanwhile I'm sitting here blogging my dick of on fisher price my first website blogger.com while baby Huey here lives the high life. What you got ADHD and back problems? So does every plus 30 year-old male in america. Why do you think we stop dead in our tracks to watch ESPN 4 times in a row repeatedly on Saturday morning when we were in them middle of cleaning the house? Its not cause we love Stuart Scott. Its because we all have ADHD.
Did this pyscho really say at the 2:37 mark that he has been figuring out how to build and adult high chair 2 fuckin years? I hate to break it to you baby Gerber but It shouldn't take 2 years to build a chair out of wood. How bad do you want to be a baby? Step your game up bro.
Stories like this make me realize I could blog for the rest of my life and never run out of shit to write about.
Regardless of what your thoughts are on wrestling, you cant deny how big it was in the 80's and 90's. Scott Hall was one of the lynch pins to wrestlings rise to greatness. In my opinion there was no better "bad guy" than Razor Ramon. If wrestling received rewards for its acting Scott Hall would get an Emmy. Guy was that good at playing his character. Pretty sad footage of seeing him on that fatefull night in Fall River, MA where he shouldnt even have been out there. How much of cocksmooch was that promoter?.
Hey Yo! Show some fuckin respect Chico. "Scott Hall's not my friend, I met him one day. Pretty sure I'll never see him again." Steve Ricard needs a Razors Edge through the announce table. I hate to brake it to ya brother, but if it wasnt for Scott Hall you probly wouldn't be organizing wrestling events in some shitty rundown warehouse in Fall River. You also can bet your ass 1-2-3 Kid is going to Super Kick the Shit out of you one day when your not looking.
If you asked me to sit down and list the most enteritaing sporting events I have ever seen in my life were. I garauntee you Razor Ramon, Shawn Michaels Ladder Matches would be in the Top 10. If you didnt have a black box to steal Pay Per Veiw events and you didnt grow up in the early 90's then you sir have missed out on greatness.
No joke, every time I see a toothpick I think of Razor Ramon. Say hello to the bad guy.
