McDonalds To Make Apples Mandatory In All Happy Meals. WTF?

FOXNEWS

NEW YORK ( –  McDonald's Corp. is adding apples to all its Happy Meals and launching a nutrition-focused mobile phone app as part of a broader health push. The changes underscore how the restaurant industry is reacting to the demands of customers and regulators who blame it for health ills ranging from childhood obesity to diabetes. Among other changes in McDonald's new program… McDonald's has worked to paint itself as a healthy, hip place to eat, offering wireless access in restaurants and introducing smoothies and oatmeal, moves that other fast-food companies are now trying to replicate. For Happy Meals, U.S. customers can already choose between apples or fries. But only about 11 percent of customers were ordering apples, the restaurant said. So by the beginning of next year, McDonald's will instead include a half-order of apples and a half-order of fries. Customers can get all fries or all apples if they ask.

Listen, I retired from eating at McDonalds once I graduated from high school. Like I just straight dropped my fast food urges instantly. Prob because I OD'd on a fresh 20 piece of McNuggets every Saturday night in my teen years. Anyway, If I must hearken back to my youth,  no kid in there right mind wants to eat a fuckin apple with his or her happy meal. I'm no Gordon Ramesy but Apples and McNuggets dont fuckin go together. When you get Nuggets all you want with it is some god dam sweet & sour sauce and french fries to go along with that bullshit toy they give you. None of this "lets eat healthy shit." And who gives a fuck about this cell phone app? No parent is going to pull up the nurtirion facts of a fuckin happy meal as they go through the drive through while Billy and Suzzy are pissing and moaning in the backseat about how hungry they are.

Your playing out of your league Mc D's. No one going to the golden arches is trying to eat healthy. Kids are getting fat beacuse their parents are sticking them on ritalin and putting them in front of video games all afternoon. Not because kids had to eat french fries instead of apples all these years with their happy meals.

"McDonald's has worked to paint itself as a healthy, hip place to eat." Are they fuckin serious with this shit?

Get A Load Of This Kid Stuck in a Storm Drain

Ya, I'm not buying this kid doesn't remember meeting with the police. I mean sounds like he remembers every other detail pretty well. Dudes just keeping true to the street code of "no snitching." Idk about you dude but if I was afraid of retaliation from that gang I wouldn't be going on live TV telling my story. You see this kids eyes shifting after he was asked "why didn't you tell police?"  All of the sudden he has amnesia and can't remember.

Hey Tihanna, I'm pretty sure you can spare us the reenactment. Not to tough to figure out how this bro got stuck.

BREAKING NEWS: Scientist Say Time Travel Not Possible

FOXNEWS
By proving that even a single photon must obey Einstein's theory that nothing can travel faster than the speed of light, Hong Kong physicists believe they have debunked the idea of time travel once and for all. A Hong Kong University of Science and Technology research team led by Du Shengwang said they had proved that a single photon, or unit of light, "obeys the traffic law of the universe." "Einstein claimed that the speed of light was the traffic law of the universe or in simple language, nothing can travel faster than light," the university said on its website. "Professor Du's study demonstrates that a single photon, the fundamental quanta of light, also obeys the traffic law of the universe just like classical EM (electromagnetic) waves." The possibility of time travel was raised 10 years ago when scientists discovered superluminal -- or faster-than-light -- propagation of optical pulses in some specific medium, the team said. If Shengwang and his team are correct, that possibility is now no more than ancient history.


Fuck me. You know how bad I wanted to go back to 1999 and dominate the shit out of my high school? With the knowledge that I know now I would be a fuckin god at MHS. Peel into the parking lot in my GMC Delorean, jaming out to LFO, 98 degrees and P Diddy. Strut down the hall way in my high school football jersey like a fuckin boss. I'd walk right into first period and grab the hottest chick in class and walk right the fuck out so we could skip first period to down some hotcakes from the golden arches. Then we'd go makeout at Borderland State park and I'd slide into second base with ease. After those shenanigans are over Id walk into second period home ec 5 minatues late and eat all the raw cookie dough batter. Then I'd make the chicks and the one tool bag dude in my group wash the dishes while I silently rip ass in the corner of the kitchen. Later, I'd read the Boston Herald for the last 2 periods and talk to my bros in back of the class to figure out where we were getting shitfaced that night. Once late afternoon came, I would head to the football practice and burn the shit out of the defense. With all my football and Madden playstation skills I would dominate the fuck the quarterback position.  Just slicing up zit faced cornerbacks on 3 and go routes all day. Kids couldn't stop me. At the end of practice I'd tell coach Redding to go fuck himself and that I'm the star of this team while simultaneously grabing 2 of the hottest cheerleaders right out of practice and take them to a bomb ass woods party later that night. At somepoint during that night I'd kick the biggest alpha male at the party right in the nuts and stand over him while saying "this party isn't big enough for the 2 of us." Then I'd highfive my friends and take my drunk date to the Delorean. We'd finish the night out by closing some ass and booze eating the fuck out of late night menu at Wendy's.

Mansfield High School wouldn't know what hit them... These fuckin scientists crushed my dreams. Going back in time to Party one day in 1999 would have been the greatest day of my life.

Ps. How much fuckin junk food am I going to eat this day? Jesus christ. No wonder I was a little pudgy in the mid section during high school, ate like a fuckin pig. 

Ladies, how fast would you get a restraining order on a guy if he made this video for you?

Wow bro, you got it bad huh?  I mean you usually can't go wrong with any Keith Sweat song. I mean as soon as chicks hear Keith their panties just drop. Unfortunately your creepy photo shop skills are going to get you a 300 ft. restraining order.  Like is there any chick in their right mind that would get back with their ex if he made a video like this?

Im pretty sure making shit like this will get women to run away from you 10 times out of 10 but what the fuck do I know.

Really dude? You put all this effort into this psycho slide show and this is what you end it with? This slide show fuckin blows. There's no way in hell this chick or any chick is ever going to date you. Enjoy those life long blue balls there big guy.

How many more people are going to take a photo of the temperature reading from their Fuckin cars?

I'm not trying to be a fuckin dickhead but How many more people are going to take a photo of the temperature reading from their cars? I fuckin get it dude its hot as a muthafucker outside. You know how I know this? Becasue my balls are hanging down to my knees. Unless you drive the fuckin Knight Rider car and you have K.I.T.T verbally telling you (in the Mr. Feeney Boy Meets world Voice) its fuckin hot outside, I dont want to hear it.  Thanks

Ps. If you didnt know Mr. Feeny from boy meets world was the voice of K.I.T.T, consider yourself learned. 

Indiana Mom Admits to Throwing Teen Sex Parties With High School Boys

Son of a bitch! Where were these parties when I was in High School?  You know how hard it is to get laid in your teenage years when you have zero game?  Here I am wasting my time playing NHL 93 in my buddies garage when I could have been balls deep in Mrs. Robinson while high-fiving Gary from gym class as he stuffs the other side. I'd be a certified legend at Mansfield High School...

Wait. She looks like this?

Oh nevermind. Fuck that shit. I'd rather keep my blue balls to myself and play NHL 93 all Friday night while crushing budlights.

Ps. Her lawyers defense is "she went through a divorce?" Oh thats fine then. Fuck all the little boys you need until you feel good about yourself again. I mean age is just a number right?

Brockton Rox To Sell Worlds Most Expensive $80 Foot Long Hot Dog. Wait. What?

The Boston Channel.com
BOSTON -- You expect to pay a little more for food and beers at a baseball park -- but $80 for a foot-long hot dog? The Brockton Rox are trying to set a new Guinness World Record with what could be the world's most expensive hot dog, according to The Enterprise. The McMullen is a half-pound, all-beef hot dog rolled in truffle oil that's coated with porcini dust and sprinkled with white truffle shavings, the newspaper reported. It's then topped with dollops of creme fraiche and caviar. This hot dog comes nestled in a special roll that is made by a Cape Cod-based bakery. The delicacy goes on sale when the Rox host Newark to coincide with National Hot Dog Day, and it will become a permanent fixture on the menu. Anyone interested in shelling out the big bucks for a hot dog needs to give the park 24-hour notice in case the team needs to ship in any ingredients. The current Guinness record holder in the category is the Foot Long Haute Dog, which is sold for $69 at Serendipity 3 in New York.


The only thing worse than driving into Brockton is driving into Brockton and buying an $80 hot dog.  Is Brocktion kidding me with this shit? They will be lucky if they sell more than 2 of these things and clearly the ball park agrees with me. "Anyone interested in shelling out the big bucks for a hot dog needs to give the park 24-hour notice in case the team needs to ship in any ingredients." So Massholes who want in on this ripoff of a deal have to call in thier hot dog order? Have you ever heard of this shit before? Good luck with that Brockton Rox.


Oh wait! They're playing Newark?!? Oh then that changes everything. Nothing like 2 of the greatest cities in the world coming together to battle it out on the old dirt diamond. 

As bad as Brockton is it can't hold a candle to Newark. When you live in NJ people look at you dead in the eye and tell you to lock your car doors and don't drive through certain areas at night.  When you chuckle afterwards waiting for the punch line they just stare right back stone cold. Shits no joke brah.You want to live or you want to die?