Friday Night 10:15pm
So this couple gets in my Cab and I can tell right away from the body language of the dude that they are in a nothing fight. I know the look. He has that thousand mile stare with this “someone please shoot me” expression on his face. As they sit down in the seat behind me I hear the girl say “Why are you so mad at me?” He goes, really? “Don’t talk to me, Just leave me alone.” So what does this chick do? She keeps asking him what’s wrong. I wanted to chime in and let her know that she needs to shut the fuck up before he blows a gasket. All men know what I’m talking about. Guys can’t win in this situation. If we talk to you, you’ll just bring up shit that happened like 10 years ago that has nothing to do with what we are mad about at the time. So we tell you we don’t want to talk about it with idea we can avoid a nothing fight turning into world war 3. But, if we don’t talk to you you’ll cry or be up our ass until we say something. As I dropped this couple off I could hear her continuously trying to poke the bear and get him to say something. Unreal. Women, let the nothing fights go and talk about whatever pointless shit that happened the next day when you both are sober and have calmed down. Fuckin A.
Sunday Night 11:30 PM
I get a call for a pick up out in Edgartown for a pick up. When I pull up to the driveway a lady walks over to my cab and tells me her two friends are shitfaced and need a ride home. Hey, just your average weekend night pick up on the rock, right? Eh, little curveball mixed in though. This lady hands me a $50 and says “Make sure these two get home safe. You got a couple of cougars that are drunk and crying.” Fuck me. Nothing I love more than babysitting two chicks in their mid 40’s that are drunk crying on their ride back to the other side of the island. So I chat with this lady for a few min. As her friends come escorted out she looks at me and says, “Ya, here’s another $20. You’re going to earn this money tonight.” The fair price was only $20. Essentially I was getting a $50 tip to babysit 2 drunk women.
As these two chicks get to the cab I realized they are fahkin hammered. One of them took 5 minutes to get in the side door. She needed help getting in and fell down 3 times while doing so. The other lady wasn’t as tanked and she sat in the front passenger seat. We said by to the people at the party and took off. As we drove away, drunk chick in the back goes “I’m not done fuckin partying, where we going?” I replied back “I’m talking you home, parties over.” This rhetoric happened repeatedly the whole way back to their house.
Once we got there I came around the side of the taxi to help carry drunk chick in the back out. As I do this she keeps starting at me. I get her upright and pass her over to her friend. When I go to walk away she grabs my arm and goes “oh, you’re cute. Come on inside and party with us.” She wouldn’t let go of my arm as I tried walking away so I kinda did a little spin move to break the hold. I laughed and said, “Sorry, I got to go. It’s only midnight, I got plenty more of drunk people on MV that need to be saved.”
Early Saturday Morning 1:20 AM
3 people get in my cab and need a long ride home up island. I got a guy in my front seat chatting away with me while his buddy is in the back with girl all the way in the last row of seats. The guy next to me tells me he has no idea who that girl is and that his boy just met her tonight at the bar. When the ride starts we all are talking together. However, the longer the ride goes the quieter dude in the back is getting. At first I could hear them making out and then they slid so low in the back seat and I couldn’t really see them anymore. After a while kid just stopped responding to questions that his drunk buddy in front was asking him. I don’t think his buddy was sober enough to realize what was going down. I leaned over to him and said, “Dude, I’m pretty sure your bro is getting a BJ in the back seat.” He just looks at me, chuckles and goes “Oh ya man, you’re probably right. I Should stop talking to him.” Ya think?
Hey, there’s no cock blocking allowed in my cab. No way, no how. Do whatever you want back there bro. I only have to sit in the front seat, I could give a flying fuck how crusty the back seat gets.
