I Would Bang the Piss Out Of Lady Gaga In This Video. Wait, What?

So I just tune in to SNL the other night and I see this video.  Like every chick that comes across my line of sight  I do a quick 1.5 second analysis where I ask my self "would you hit that? Yes, No?"  The answer was yes I would def hit that. I basically lost my shit when I found out it was Lady Gaga.  Like doesn't she have a dick? Seriously.  Weren't there rumors that she was a hermaphrodite?  I almost puked in my mouth when I found out.  Gaga was throwing fastballs in this Three's Company Outfit though.  And those knee high striper viper sox?  Leathal combination.

It took me 29 years to realize I had a fetish for knee high sox.  Thanks Gaga.

Ps. How much of a pimp was John Ritter? RIP playa

Double PS. Can't wait to try the helicopter dick. 

So This is Arnold Jr and the Chick Schwarzenegger Knocked Up?

I mean I aint no fuckin Maury Povich but I think its pretty safe to say that kid is a dead ringer for something that would of come out of  Arnold Schwarzenegger dick. No need for a paternity test Maury, I got this one bro. Dude was really hitting that?  Like I mean the biggest action movie star of all time and he choses to have an affair with this? 

Say it aint so Arnold.  I mean I'm not sitting here and encouraging affairs but if you are going to do it you might as well do it right.  JFK had Marilyn Monroe and the Terminator had this?  Epic fail on a number of levels.

ps. How many times a week you think Arnolds new found son watches this video pissing himself laughing while he counts his money?

Boston Bruins Road To The Cup: Tyler Seguin Makes Beantown Cup Crazy

I've been listening to sports radio all day and people are calling in all day debating who sits when Bergeron comes back and what to do with Tyler Seguin.  Are people serious?  There is no question the Bruins sit Shawn Thornton. Do doubt, end of story.  Thornton is getting about 6 minutes of ice time a game this series. He doesn't kill penalties and has no special skill set to stay in the lineup.  People that call up and say Paille Cambell or Recchi should sit are out of their fuckin minds.  Paille and Cambell kill penalties. They both bring something to the table other than 4th line "energy."  I love Shawn Thornton and what he brings to this team but this is the NHL playoffs.  Enforcers and fighters are not going to win you a cup. Role players and guys that can pitch in on special teams or contribute in important situational hockey are of the utmost importance. 

This doesn't mean Seguin comes in and plays on the fourth line.  That would be pointless.  Julien needs to roll 3 lines and then double shift guys here and there to make sure Krejic, Bergeron and Seguin get most of the ice time between the 12 forwards.  These 3 guys make players around them better and give this team the best chance to beat Tampa Bay and advance to the Stanley Cup.

Ps.  Bruins played like shit in the third period.  As great as they played in the second period they played as equally bad in the 3rd.  Hey, a win is a win.  A lot of positives to take out of this game.  Including a new quick strike power play that is perfect for Tomas Kaberle's skill set and it showed as he put together his best game in a Bruins jersey.

Bruins Vs Lightning Eastern Conference Finals: So Close I Can Taste It

Its been almost 20 years in the making.  Last time the B's got this far in the playoffs Boys' to Men Were topping the charts with End of the Road and Who's the Boss and MacGyver were in their final seasons.  Its been a long fuckin time, lets just say that.

As a Bruins fan this all we really wanted,  the chance to compete for the Stanley Cup. With an addition 4 wins the Bruins will be able to do just that. Standing in thier way are they vary talented and dangerous Tampa Bay Lightning.

It's easy to dismiss Tampa as a soft as hockey team from Florida that doesn't belong here.  Thier fans are fake as fuck and only show up with they go deep in the playoffs. (Just ask the Rays).  If you're just hopping on the B's bandwagon I have bad news for you.  Unlike their fake fans, the Tampa Bay Lightning are the real deal. This will be a very difficult series for the Bruins to win but I do see them taking the Eastern Conference Crown.  Here are some things to look for in this series.

• Keep the Potent Tampa Forwards in Check.  Tim Thomas's former UVM teammate Martin St. Louis is playing close to his MVP form of 2004 when the Lightening last won the cup.  Tampa's posses and the best power play in the playoffs so it will be KEY for the Bruins to not take bad penalties against this team.  Stamkos, Malone, Dowie, Lecavalier and old nemesis Simone Gagne will make you pay.
• Tim Thomas and Dwayne Roloson are  2 of the best goalies in the NHL playoffs thus far.  The B's had a lot of success against Tampa in the regular season however,  Roloson was not in goal for any of those games as he was acquired in a trade later in the season from the NY Islanders.
• Stepping in for Bergeron:  We all wanted to see what the kid Tyler Seguin could do in the playoffs. Although, not at the expense of an injury.  Look for Chris Kelly and Rich Peverly to fill the void left by Bergeron.  Kelly and Peverly have been HUGE additions to this hockey team and they hope to collectively fill the forechecking and faceoff production left by #37 who looks like he could be back by game 4 or 5.
• I'm really looking forward to seeing the line of Ryder, Peverly and Seguin.  I feel like this line could be very explosive and yield some great scoring chances for the black and gold
• Top line of Lucic, Krejci and Horton need to ride the momentum they captured in the second round against Philly.  It was good to see Lucic pot his first 2 goals of the playoffs in game 4.  If all three forwards are hot on this line the Tampa defense will have thier hands full.
• Interesting to see what line Julien matches Chara and Seidenburg with.  I would have to guess Chara would Shadow the St. Louis line but we will see.

The Bruins killed the rival Montreal Canadiens and in the process squashed the stigma of not preforming in game 7's.  Then they went on to sweep the Flyers with a dominate performance both ending a 19 year drought of getting past the second round while giving pay back to a team that embarrassed them one year prior. The Bruins are battle tested and they are ready for this challenge.  I look for the B's to win this series in 6 games and move on to the Stanley Cup Finals. The loyal Bruins fan base deserves it and for the first time in a long time the players on the ice do to.

This Pile of Snow In Framingham Fuckin Serious?

Boston.com
Though newly-sprung leaves and blossoms have signaled the long-awaited end of a miserable winter, there's one lasting reminder at the Framingham Park & Ride parking lot off Route 9.

Hey mutherfucker its god dam May 10th.  Last thing anyone from the northeast wants to look at right now is a black pile of snow to remind of us of how depressed we all were back in January.  Seriously asshole, hurry up an melt already so people driving down Rt. 9 don't have a sudden urge to slit their writs when they look at this thing.

Ps. How fuckin big was this original pile of snow for it to basically last through 2 months of above freezing temperatures?   Shits gross


 It's almost time...

Cape Cod: Giving Massholes an excuse to drink and sit on the beach all day since 1620

Dude With Dreads Gets His Ass Beat by a Group of People in Pink Shirts and White Pants. Wait. What?

What that fuck is going on in this video? Was that ma$e or hair spray that chick blasted at that 15 second mark? Because nobody reacts as if they got pepper sprayed. At the 33 second mark someone takes a bottle off the shoulder and barley flinches.  Then all hell breaks lose when the that 7 ft tall beast in the pink and white comes flying across the screen and starts curb stomping people.  Dudes so skinny looks like his legs could snap like tooth picks.  But the Money shot of this video comes at the 1:28 mark when the guy in the dreads thinks he finally escaped the beat down of his life.  Then BAM! right in the kissah! Chick comes in from the blind side with a right hook that stuns the fuck out of this guy.

Obviously the biggest question of this video is why the hell are half these people dressed in Pink and white?  I have no clue. But what I do know is there were a few chicks in this video wearing white capris. Personally I fuckin hate when chicks wear capris.  It looks like you are getting ready to wade in the water to search for clams during low-tide in Welfleet.  Ladies, either wear pants or shorts, none of this in between shit.

PS. That tall lanky person was a dude right?  Kinda looked like Manute Bol.

Bruins Flyers Game 2: Philly's Goaltending is Soft as Puppy Shit

The Bruins came out guns blazing in game one.  The first line of Krejci, Lucic and Horton dominated from start to finish.  Clearly the strategy of keeping the Krejci line away from the Richards line payed dividens for Claude Julien. Is it some what of a bitch move?  Hell yes, but in the playoffs its all about working line match ups that work best for your team.  This by far was the best out put from the Bruins top line the entire playoffs and continue to look for the B's to stick with this formula.

The B's will need to get something going on the Power play if they hope to move on in the playoffs.  A major key to this happening is the play of Tomas Kaberle. Kaberle needs to get his fuckin head out of his ass and stop playing so tentative.  He's not on this team for his shut down defense thats for sure.  Shoot the puck dick head and teams wont completely play you to pass.

B's did a good job on Daniel Briere even though he did score a goal.  He cannot be allowed to reek havoc down the slot. Historically he is one of the best forwards int the history of the playoffs averaging a point per game for his career. Letting him get momentum in this series can spell doom.

Philly's goal-tending is brutal. Boston needs to continue to just fire pucks on net. Boucher is getting the start again in game 2.  In game 1 he let up numerous rebound opportunities right in front of the net.  Shots against this guy do not have to be sniperesk.  Just continue to get  pucks on net and good things will happen.

Above all else, no matter what the score is never let your foot off the throat of the Flyers. They will not die...

Unlike Osama bin Laden who is dead a shit right now.  Burn in hell asshole.

Ps. I to DVR the game tonight because I have class until 9.  If you text me and tell me what the score is I will fuckin kill you.

Go Bruins and God Bless America