Hey People of Foxboro, Gillette Stadium Has Power and You Don't

Sun Chronicle-

National Grid drew intense fire from Foxboro and state officials Tuesday for "energizing" parts of Route 1 - including Gillette Stadium and Patriot Place - before supplying power to senior housing. Seeing to seniors first is the town's priority, and local officials said they had no explanation for anxious residents."National Grid has done a stunningly poor job on this," Town Manager Kevin Paicos said during a briefing Tuesday. "We appear to be the most heavily impacted in the region," he added later. But selectmen Chairman Larry Harrington and Fire Chief Roger Hatfield said the stadium and Patriot organization did not jump the line to get power, and were taking extraordinary steps to help the town. "From everything we can find, the Patriots and the Kraft organization did nothing wrong," Hatfield said. "In fact they've done everything right as a good neighbor in getting resources that we could not get. This has been a huge asset to the community."The Kraft Group has offered to provide the town with two large generators, which will be installed at the Carl Annon Court and possibly Centennial Court senior housing complexes. The organization will also provide large amounts of ice, which was to be distributed outside the public safety building on Chestnut Street beginning at noon today. Many residents expressed anger at the Kraft organization and National Grid when they learned Gillette Stadium started getting power Monday night. However, none of that power came from the Foxboro substation that serves the rest of town, according to James Nolan, a senior vice president with the stadium and Patriots. Monday afternoon, buildings in the Route 1 complex were powered by generators, he said. The stadium returned to outside power around 8 p.m. Monday from electricity that came through a special line to the Wrentham substation. The Patriots spent millions of dollars when they built Gillette stadium to ensure the backup power, Nolan said, after suffering a blackout during the 1996 AFC championship game in the former stadium. At 5:30 a.m. Tuesday, Patriot Place began receiving power, along with some other businesses on Route 1, through that dedicated line from Wrentham. "We are still receiving no power from the Foxboro substation, and we have no information from National Grid as to when we will," Nolan said. With some 70,000 football fans expected to converge on Gillette Stadium Thursday night for the final New England Patriots preseason game against the New York Giants, town officials are concerned about public safety if power is not more widley restored. Police Chief Edward O'Leary said the Kraft Group will also provide six lighting towers to be placed at key intersections.

So Gillette Stadium is being powered by a "special line" from Wrentham?  What the fuck is that? For anyone that hasn't driven through Foxboro in the past few days you missed out on pure chaos. Irene beat the piss out of this town. As of yesterday, none of the traffic lights worked and it seemed as if 95 percent of the business were shut down.  I'm sure the residents of Foxboro who have had no power for days would like a little bit of that "special line" so they can see what the fuck they are doing tonight. Most likely the Krafts and Gillette Stadium did nothing wrong. But bottom-line it just doesn't look good when the entire town is in the dark and Patriot Place is lit up like a Christmas tree.  But hey, at least the residents will get that sweet supply of free ice.

Masshole Gets Arrested For Swimming In the Ocean During Hurricane Irene

BOSTON.COM
HULL, Mass.—State police say a swimmer fleeing troopers who ordered him out of rough surf at Nantasket Beach in Hull has been arrested. State police spokesman David Procopio said Sunday afternoon that onlookers told troopers about the man swimming in rough surf off the beach south of Boston. It had been closed because of unsafe conditions during Tropical Storm Irene. Procopio said the man began to come ashore, but walked away from the troopers when he got to shallow water, then ran across Hull Shore Drive. Police caught up with him and took him into custody. Police said 23-year-old Daniel Jacques was released on bail on a charge of disorderly conduct and will be arraigned at Hingham District Court. It wasn't immediately known if he had an attorney.

Let me get this straight, the State police actually chased this guy and arrested him for swimming in rough seas? Like this shit will go on his record? This is fuckin bullshit brah. His whole life has probably been about this moment. A storm like this only comes along what, once every 50 years?

Vaya Con Dios 

How Is The Missionary Position Not Extinct By Now?

I have no idea who this comdian is or why this video is in todays youtube top 5. I really dont give a fuck about any of that. The larger point is how is the missionary position not extinct by now? Like is there any sicko out there that really likes the missionary position? I mean you have to look at each other and in the face and shit. Who wants to do that? Chicks always want you to be sweet and nice in that position. Fuck that bro. Gimme doggy style and reverse cowgirl 7 days a week and twice on Sunday. Missionary position is so outdated its not even funny. If your a dude and you run into a chick and her favorite position is the old standard face to face with her on her back you need to bail and bail right quick. Girl is 100 percent an emotional, boring, stage 5 clinger. There is nothing fun about this position. You want to use it to warm up and shit to get loose be my guest. But once you get past the 1st quarter, missionary position needs to be out of your sexual playbook.

Ps. Did the chick at the 26 second mark say the "turtle dirtle?" I dont know what the fuck that is but this is what Urban dictionary says, so this must be right.

THE TURTLE:

A sex position that occurs when the females legs rest on the males shoulders and he leans over from on top of her, pushing her legs against her body, creating a shell over her body. The male continues to penetrate her.

"Me and Billy turtled last night; it felt so good!" ...."When Billy turtles me it gets so deep"...."Hey Molly, what do you say we try the turtle tonight?"

Do chicks really talk like this?  "Me and Billy turtled last night; it felt so good!" No way in hell Urban dictionary. If chicks talk like this I want in on their conversations and I wanted in yesterday.

Double Ps. I will do any position this chick wants. Straight fire. Turtle dirtle her all night

Relationship Advice From The Chief: "My Wife Is Serious Friends With a Stay at Home Dad"

Boston.com

My stay-at-home wife recently became friends with a stay-at-home Dad (connected by our respective children). Initially, it was a play date here and there, but since the summer started, the frequency of play dates has increased and my wife has become friends with him and texts him often (very often). After a few days of feeling uneasy, I sat down with her and told her I was uncomfortable with the level of communication. She expressed her care for me and we moved forward.

The communication died down somewhat but after a recent long day together, I let her know how I was feeling, that I was still upset. After a long argument, we both said some hurtful things and I strongly advised that the communication with him cease. She now (of course) sees me as trying to control her. She is angrier at me than she has ever been and I am having an extremely hard time reconciling. She expressed the need for space but continues to make extremely hurtful comments. I am so afraid that this could potentially ruin on marriage.

I have attempted to move forward but she will not join me and shows no sign of doing it anytime soon. I am lost. I know she would never do anything physically but I felt that their connection was emotional and I was scared and threatened. She did tell me I have nothing to worry about, but I cannot change the way I feel. I felt awful when they were spending lots of time together, not just as a mom and dad -- but as friends!

– Extremely Uncomfy Dad, 93 North

Dear Extremely Uncomfy Dad,

I hate to break it to you but your wife is craving some new dick.  Lets not bullshit here, she texts another guy that is a stay at home Dad?  Bet they set up playdates together where they both watch their kids act the fool on the jungle gym. Shits not good bro. This guy is sitting there all day listening to her bullshit. Women love men who listen or at least do a great job of pretending they are listening. Blah, blah, blah "Dont you hate it when the kids come in the house all muddy after you just swept?" Mean while Mr. Mom is sitting there nodding his head thinking of the 7 different ways he wants to plow your wife. You need to get out now my friend. Last thing you want to do is come home from a long day at work and find this guy going all Patrick Bateman on your wife. Dudes only text chicks repeatedly if they want to bang em. Its just a known fact. And I'm pretty sure women will admit it works the same way for them. You need to cut your loses and send your wife packing.  Buy yourself a nice sports car and restart your life. She can stay home with Mr. Mom while you cruise down the Cape with your top down, eye fucking everything in sight. Free agency in the dating world is a good thing Uncomfy Dad. Now go out there and embrace it.

Sincerely,

-Chief

"He's Just a friend!" Child please

Is Shaq Taking Bong Hits With His GF In This Video?

What the fuck is this video? Is this the kinda shit you do when you retire? Sit on the couch and take hits from the bong with your VH1 reality star girl friend?  

Ps. I know dudes not going to toke some reefer and post a video on it. But the video is so stupid it actually only makes sense if he was high when he was doing it.

Transplant Masshole Travels 1400 Miles Home Just For Local Pizza

My Fox Boston-

STOUGHTON (AP) - A Mississippi man who grew up in Massachusetts goes to great lengths for a good pizza. About 1,400 miles. David Schuler returned to Jackson, Miss., last weekend with 150 pies from Town Spa Pizza, a restaurant in his home town of Stoughton, just outside Boston. It's a tradition he started years ago when he couldn't find a good slice in Mississippi. He returned with 150 frozen, vacuum-sealed pies. That was a record for him. They cost $1,200. He made the 16-state trek in 24 hours, munching on Town Spa pizzas he kept on the passenger seat. Restaurant manager Kerry Hughes tells The Enterprise of Brockton, he ships pizzas as far as California and Florida, but Schuler is his best out-of-state customer.

Hey I like pizza just as much as the next guy but is David Schuler for real?  This dude really come all the way up here for $1,200 worth of fuckin Town Spa Pizza? Like this isnt Alfredo's Pizza Cafe. Were talkin Town Spa. This shit can't be that good right? Like did the Phantom Gourmet eat there or something?

Ps. Who the fuck is ordering Pizzas from California and Florida? Either Town Spa Pizza is full of shit or they make the tastiest pies on the east coast.

Double Ps. If you have no clue where this picture is from you are missing out on one of the all time most underated movies. Yes that is McDreamy. Just delivering the shit out of pizzas and banging chicks simultaneously.  Love me some Senior Pizza.

VIDEO: Kids Face Meets Pavement On Scooter Jump

You might want to get a little more speed there Evil Knievel.

VIDEO: 5 Year Old Rapper Straight Killing It on This Track

"Playing all summah is the song I sing, real kids do real things."


"You can be an astronautic. You can fly to the moon and bring back a rock"

Preach that shit brother! Song just motivated the shit out of me. Lyrics are dope but whats up with the elbow pads? Is that the new shit kids are doing these days? And whats up with your hype man? Is that kid fuckin tone def? Everytime he was on camera looked like he was singing to his own beat. You want to go big time I suggest dropping this mutherfucker. Kids fuckin dead weight.

Ps. I almost lost my shit with the airplane line. That ish was off the hook.

Chief's Taxi Cab Confessions From Martha's Vineyard: Falling Down

I'm at my breaking point dealing with these fucking tourist. Everyone who drives a cab told me the entire month of August is a shit show here on Martha's Vineyard. Of course me being the douche bag I am was like, "ya bro, I lived here before I'm pretty sure I can handle it." Well its August 15th and all I think about now is how many different ways I would like to fuck tourists up. Like just put my cab in park right in the middle of 5 corners intersection in Vineyard Haven and go on a vigalanti spree across the island abusing vacationers ala Michael Douglas in Falling Down. Its not the people riding with me in the cab that are the problem. Its everyone outside that tries thier best to make my day a living hell.

Just give me a few hours to do whatever I wanted. It would prob go something like this...

Walk up to those fuckin losers that think its a great idea to rent a 2 seater bike and shove a broom stick right in thier spokes as they pass by. Then watch them flip over the handle bars and slam into the pavement. I mean does the person riding in back even do anything? Just fake pedaling back there like a muthafucker.

Sneak up behind a family of 5 all wearing crocs. As the kids go to take a bite of thier melting ice cream cones I would smack that deliciousness right out of their hands into the street. Cry me a river you little Gremlins. Now go tell your parents having everyone in the family wear crocs makes you all look like a bunch of chodes.

Super kick the shit out of a boyfriend girlfriend while they pass buy me in a moped. Just knock off that stupid shit eating grin the guy has on his face while his girlfriend hangs onto the back of him for dear life. Should have rented a jeep today assholes. 

Walk right up one of those typical cocksmoochers in Edgartown and steal his cell phone right off of his belt clip. You know one of those guys that rocks boat shoes, Daisy duke khaki shorts and a pastel polo. Before he could even say a word I'd skip his black berry like a stone into the harbor. Can you hear me now?

Jump on top of the hood and piss all over the windshield of a guy thats holding up traffic trying to parallel park in a sport that he clearly can't fit it. This guy is the fuckin worst. This is usually the same asshole that will send his 8 year old son out of the car to help give him hand gestures to assist him in his epic fail of a parking job. As everyone begins to lay on their horns little junior panics and waves dad on in right into the car he is trying to avoid. Dont worry buddy. take your sweat fuckin time. Not like anyone else has anything better to do on MV than watch you and your big ass SUV fail at parallel parking for 5 minutes.

I never wanted September to get here this quick in my life. Bring on football, College projects, Pumpkin muffins from Dunkin Donuts and no more fucking tourists.

Previous Taxi Cab Confession Blogs

3 Ladies get in my Cab and one of their heads falls in my lap

Free rent is free rent right?

Back in the Saddle again

Barstool Sports Vs. WEEI, Brady's Sons Baby DickGate 2011

 You read and visit Barstool Sports because you love to see and read about fucked up news. Day to day its a distraction from most of our mundane lives. It keeps your mind of wanting to hang yourself in your dead end piece of shit job in the cubicles. Maybe it takes your mind off a family member that is ill in the hospital. Perhaps It makes you forget for a few mintues the student loans you have to pay out your ass. Bottomline, you come to this blog to be entertained and distracted for a few minutes or hours of your day.

You dont come here to read wholesome stories. We live in a world where people only care about fucked up, tabloid news. Portnoy writes a nice story about a soldier coming home from war and nobody gives a bakers fuck. He reposts a picture thats already on the internet of a babies hog and people loose their minds. That's the game of the internet mutherfuckers. Its a friggin jungle, there are no rules. The reason why this is ok is because it is Tom Brady's kid. They know paparazi are around them all the time. You dont want your kids hog out in public then make him where a fuckin bathing suit. Its not like this picture was stolen from inside the privacy of their own home. Go on Facebook and look at what happens every time a fuckin chick has a kid. The fuckin baby takes over her god dam page for the next 18 years. You get a friggin timeline in pictures of every activity the kid does. "Oh look,Johnny's first bath!" Yup,there's Johnny just chilling there in the kitchen sink with is hog hanging out. No one makes a fuss about this cause its just a fuckin baby. They are naked half the day.

This is 2011 and this is the new media. Bloggers have split second descions they make before posting something. If Portnoy doesnt post this then some other site does and then they get all the hits. This is the game people.You dont like the rules then go read the dying field that is print media. You play to win the game. The game of the internet is page views and druming up conversation. Thats why you come here. You want fucked up news, you love fucked up news, you need fucked up news.

Your god dam right he blogged about this.

Is Fox News Serious With This Fuckin "10 Hidden Benefits of Having Children" List?

So Fox News had this article the other day about how great it is to have kids. Well living on the Vineyard and being around famlies of tourists all day I think about all the benefits of not having kids. Anyway, here is my breakdown of the list.

1. Children lower your blood pressure

A recent study conducted at Brigham Young University found that parenthood may actually help lower your blood pressure. Researchers at the school hooked up 200 married men and women to blood pressure monitors for 24 hours and found that couples with children had significantly lower blood-pressure readings than those without offspring. 

"While caring for children may include daily hassles, deriving a sense of meaning and purpose from life's stress has been shown to be associated with better health outcomes," says Julianne Holt-Lunstad, the lead researcher. "This doesn't mean the more kids you have, the better your blood pressure. The findings are simply tied to parenthood, no matter the number of children or employment status."

Im not buying this notion for one second. Have you ever seen a parent of three children while vacationing? They look like they are ready to step infront of a bus from the amount of stress they are going through. I bet if you asked them they would rather just sit home during the entire vacation then chase these little midgets around the streets all day. Lower blood pressure my ass.

2. Children entitle you to major tax savings

It used to be the only way you could make money off of your children was by sending them into the coal mines. But now, thanks to the IRS, your children allow you to qualify for some very valuable tax savings — a notable hidden benefit of having children. According to one recently published study, the average family can save $3,500 per year simply by claiming child tax credits, education credits, and child- and dependent-care credits. 

“These tax credits shouldn’t spur you to have a child,” says U.S. tax attorney Roni Deutch, “but since the projected cost of raising a child to the age of 18 is just shy of $200,000, parents need all the help they can get.”

Wait, did you say $200,000? Ya, if your kid doesnt want to go to college. You might as well fuckin double that number. That sounds like a good time to me. Lets pump out a few babies and have $400,000 of my money earmarked for the next 18 years. You want to buy that new shirt and shoes? Maybe even splurge for that new TV?  Sorry, little Billy needs swimming lessons and clothes he is going to grow out of in 4 months. Oh, and kiss those Patriots season tickets good bye. You dont have any money for that.

3. Children get you better parking

Shopping with children is seldom easy, but there is one enormous perk to taking your rug rat to the mall: better parking. Many shopping centers, grocery stores and factory outlets now have parking spaces reserved especially for families and pregnant women. Not only are these spots conveniently located, but they’re also usually vacant. As an added bonus, you can also drive in the HOV lane on your way to the store since even the smallest newborn legally counts as a full-fledged passenger.

Boom! Thats a great reason to have kids. No need for a handicap sticker to park up front now, you can just pop out some kids and get that VIP parking spot! 

4. Children keep you sane

Contrary to popular belief, children don’t always drive their parents crazy. In fact, researchers at Taiwan’s Mental Health Foundation claim they may even keep their parents sane well beyond their years. The organization recently interviewed 1,084 randomly selected senior citizens and found that seniors with no children scored 6.4 points lower on a mental health questionnaire than elderly subjects with children.

“The results shows that people who have children are happier and have greater satisfaction and emotional well-being than those without children,” says Tom Yang, the study's lead researcher.

Nothing like repeting grades K-12 through your children. We all remember how much we loved that Spanish class with Mr. Morales. Now you get to take the class all over again by helping you children with thier homework every night. Want to watch the Bruins game, maybe even go to the gym? Too bad, you got flash cards to make mutherfucker. This Spanish vocab aint gonna learn itself.

5. Children renew your thirst for knowledge

Anyone who has children can attest that their child’s favorite word is “why.” Kids constantly want to know the answer to a variety of head-scratching questions like, “Why do a cat’s eyes shine in the dark?”, “Why does it smell so fresh after it rains?” and “Why do Mommy and Daddy always lock their bedroom door on Tuesday nights?” You may not have the answer to all of these queries (well, two-thirds of them anyhow), but they’re sure to get your wheels turning as you attempt to formulate a plausible-sounding response. 

Im not gonna bullshit here. If Ray didn't keep his fuckin mouth shut in the back seat I would have never known the human head weighs 8 pounds or that bees and dogs can smell fear.

6. Children make you sexier

Think puppies are the ultimate chick magnet? Think again. Any father will tell you there’s no better way of attracting attention from the fairer sex than by strolling through a park with an adorable baby. Heck, even an ugly baby will do the trick, since most women are responding more to the father’s sense of dedication and maturity than they are to the fruit of his loins. Who knew that a $200 stroller could elicit more oohs and aahs than a $200,000 sports car?


Im not gonna argue with the idea that babies help a guy get his dick wet. My cousins kid is a straight pimp. He's the best wingman I could possibly have. But can't I just babysit to pick up chicks with a kid? I mean what the fuck Fox News. What the hell is the point of a married father taking his kid out to attract chicks? I'm all set with blue balls. And even ugly babies will do? No thanks dude. We all know chicks dig cute babies. Not babies that look like a blocked punt. I'm sorry but this baby isnt fuckin helping my pimp hand

7. Children give you an alibi

Single men often complain that their friends with children never have time to hang out. And while there is some validity to that observation, they fail to realize many parents use their children as a convenient excuse to get out of unwanted social events. So, if your buddy tells you he can’t attend your Jersey Shore marathon because his son has Tibetan whooping cough, there’s a very good chance he didn’t want to go in the first place.


You don't need s kid to get out of unwanted social events. I've been bailing on shit I didn't want to go to for 29 years. Not once did I have the option of using "my kid" as an excuse. And if my buddy tells me he cant come to my Jersey Shore marathon he can go fuck himself. 

8. Children increase your self-esteem

Anyone who has children knows firsthand the satisfaction you get from being told you’re “the best daddy in the whole world.” Those kinds of positive pronouncements can have a profound effect on your self-esteem, allowing you to accomplish tasks you previously thought were impossible.


Well, Lucky for me I dont have this problem. In fact I probably need to have a kid so he can tell me I'm a piece of shit to knock me off of my high horse. If you need a child to pump up your self esteem you are already fucked. Not sure there is too much an 8 year old can tell me to make me feel like im the fuckin man. Hot women increase mens self esteem. A smokeshow telling me I'm the best shes ever had in bed is a hell of a lot better than little Billy telling me im the #1 Dad.

9. Children remind you to stop and smell the roses

When was the last time you gazed at the stars or lay on your back watching the passing clouds? Kids engage in these kinds of wholesome activities all the time, and in doing so, they invite you to join them as well. You’ll be amazed at how your cynicism and natural defenses will magically melt away after you begin seeing the world through a child’s eyes.


You know whats a wholesome activity? Crushing bud lights every Sunday while I watch the Patriots dominate the rest of the NFL. Sure having a little mini me dressed in a Brady jersey right next to me would be the shit. But that nostalgia would fly right out the window once he craps his pants on the couch while the Pats are inside the 20 with 30 seconds left in the game.

10. Children make you happier

Parents have long suspected that their offspring make them happier, and now there’s finally proof to support their claims. A study conducted by the Max Planck Institute for Demographic Research found a direct correlation between children and happiness for parents over the age of 40. 


I worked at the YMCA for 7 years where I worked with 60 plus children.  Coming to work with the kids made me the happiest mutherfucker in the world. You know what made me even happier? Knowing I didn't have to take them home with me and watch them all night when I left. Forget your schedule, when you have kids its whatever they need whenever they want it. Kiss your "me time" good bye. Sure if your 40 years old your probably board as fuck. Pump out a few mistake babies and then you can just sit home at night and watch them go. Like when you are at a party and there is that moment where all the kids in the room are playing and you find yourself smiling for no reason just staring at the babies. Like the party is beyond dead and you just want to go home but no one wants to make that move so you all just sit around and look at the babies and talk in high pitch voices for the next hour. Thats the fuck balls. Def sign me up for that shit when I'm 40.


Ps. To all my friends having kids I'm happy for you. Shits just not for me.  But I'll def babysit for you and take them to the Emerald Square Mall to hit on women. 

VIDEO: Fight On The NYC A Train: Drunk Guy Gets Knocked Down Twice And Then Bugs The Fuck Out

This guy fuckin serious with this fighting stance? Dude looks like Little Mac from Mike Tyson's Punch Out. I'll tell ya what though, the man earned points with me for that death stare and continuous shit talking after he got knocked down twice.  I mean he had crazy eyes like he was going to start snapping heads and shit. You could push this mutherfucker down 100 times and he is going to get up every single time until you kill him. Guy can play for me any day of the week. Can't Stop, Won't Stop.

Ps. Fuck the kid at the 2:23 mark. You could tell this little dickhead was plotting this move for a minute straight before he actually got the balls to try it. Bush league.

Chad Ochocino is rounding into such a great adopted Masshole I can't stand it

Look at my man here. Just struttin that ass at Sox Yankees decked out fresh to death in Boston gear. I will have Ochocinco's fuckin babies. I love this man and I havent even seen him play a down of football for my team yet. Number 85, you complete me.

Yo TB 12. Take some notes brah.

Thanks to BF for the pic

Chick Takes Epic Digger While Trying To Dive From A Pool Railing

Yup, You do have a pussy and that shit just got mashed to shit on the pool deck. I give the dive a 3 and her body an 8.5

NJ Dunkin Donuts Worker Gets Busted For Selling Sex While Working The Drive Through

Just when you think Dunkin Donuts can't get any better it does. "Ya, I'll have a Great One Regular with a chocolate glazed donut and a BJ."  America Runs on Dunkin indeed. This is what I call customer service at its best. Melissa Redmond was just trying to make her customers happy. Guys working the night shift just trying to get a coffee, stay awake and release some sexual tension. No story here, that's just dam good customer service in my book.

Watching Chad Ochocinco Become a Masshole on Twitter Gives Me a Sportsgazm

Look at this fuckin guy. Dude hasnt even been here for a week and I think he is already cracking my top 5 favorite all time Boston athletes.  #85 is bonding with his new city and team like a muthafucker.  He's even hitting up Julien Edleman. like does Edleman even talk? Never heard the dude speak before. Whatever, Fuck it. Ochocino is going to bring this team chemistry to a whole new level. Bromances being sparked left and right. Shit, just look at Deion Branch's twitter looks like hes ready to have Ocho's babies. They already got nicknames for each other.  

This kinda team chemistry wins championships my friends. Mark it down. This team will being playing for the Lombardi trophy come February with #85 leading the way.