This Scruffy heavy set guy waddles over to my cab and asks for a ride. As soon as he gets in he tells me most cabbies don’t want to give him a ride because they are afraid he won’t tip them. So right off the bat this cab ride is going good. This dude is so shitfaced he can barley speak words you can comprehend. On his lap he’s holding this bag full of take out that smells like a sack of smashed assholes. Add to the fact this guy is sitting right next to me in the front seat. As we drive down the street we start chatting about life on the island. The whole time while I am listening to him Im trying not to Ralph all over my dashboard from the putrid smell oozing from him. He gets to the point where he tells me about his living situation. Here is how the conversation went:
Guy Who Smell like balls: Ya, Man. My lady is gone all weekend. I can do whatever I want.
Me: Fuckin right dude. You should throw a ripper tonight and pound some bruschis.
Guy Who Smell like balls: Haha! Ya, man. That why I got me this take out food right here so I can spread out and have meal all to myself.
Me: Nice, Ya that shit smells good
Guy Who Smell like balls: Also It’s nice to not have her home so I don’t have to bang her.
Me: A men brother. Everyone needs some free time right?
Guy Who Smell like balls: She’s not even my girl friend. I just bang her here and there so I don’t have to pay rent.
Me: So she is your landlord slash roommate?
Guy Who Smell like balls: hahaha! Yeaaa! When the rents due I just throw it in her a few times.
Me: Sweet deal bro. I mean free rent is free rent right?
A few min later I gave him a high five and dropped him off. Great guy
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