So my first day working was last Friday night. My boss pretty much gave me the keys and threw me to the wolves. I realized Friday nights bring out a different kinda crowd. A crowd that loves to get shitfaced and then act the fool in your cab as you drive them home. Hey, I cant blame them. If I wasn't driving this cab I would be right next to them.
The Following events happend Last Friday night on a place we like to call "The Rock" Aka Martha's Vineyard.
10:15 PM:
This dude walks up to my cab and just opens the door, gets in and says "are you ready?" Umm... Ya dude, like how bout you ask that before stumble into my cab without permission. As he gets in I can smell the booze coming from his body. Guy is completely shitfaced. So I start to drive away and bring him to where he wants to go. This is my first night so I am still getting used to everything. I pulled over real quick because I had and issue with my Nextell Phone. As I am fixing my phone this guy touches my shoulder and says, "I got to take a piss. I'll be right back." Mind you we are still in the middle of an area where people are walking around. Luckily the dude couldnt figure out how to open the door. So I began to pull away. As I am talking to dispatch about where I am bringing this guy he chimes in and goes. "Hey! Ask your buddy on the walkie talkie if he knows where all the chicks are tonight." Is this guy fuckin serious? Bro, your like 55 years old and you have a major potbelly. Sit back and shut the fuck up so I can concentrate where I am driving your bloated ass.
11:33 PM:
I take this couple back to their homes right down the street. This Brazilian guy and girl. The girl is so drunk she needs help walking. I can barely tell what the hell this guy is saying to me. The whole time I am thinking this chick is going to Ralph all over the back seat of my cab. I eventually get to what I thought was their house. He tells me to wait and brings this chick inside. At this point he is literally carrying her into the house. He comes back and sits in the front seat next to me. I was like, "dude is that your girl friend?" He was like, "No. that is my bosses wife." Before I can even get a follow up question dude is like "I'm Gay. Are you gay?" (Zach Morris Time Out) So at this point this just me and this guy by ourselves driving through the streets of MV in the middle of the night and I think this dude is hitting on me. Come on dude, this is my first night. Can I get a few nights in before I get to awkward situations like this? (Time in) I just kind of awkwardly laugh and reply, "Nah dude, I'm a big fan of women." Then its silent for like 30 seconds, but is seemed more like 30 minutes. I soon drop this guy off and peaced out of that situation.
12:12PM:
This tall redheaded chick comes up to my Cab and asked for a ride down the street. She gets in the front seat. (I already hate when peeps get in the front seat). We wait for a few minutes so I can see if I can get more passengers heading in the same direction. This guy comes in the van and we drive off. The guy in back is drunk as a skunk and he looks grimy as fuck. As we drive away this girl wont stop talking. Like just a loud quick talking drunk. As we get close to where she is staying I see poeple walking on the street. This girl starts screaming "Oh, those are my friends! Pick them up!" So I pull over and tell this couple to get in. Once they get in this chick next to me takes the radio and turns it up full blast. I turn it down. She turns it up and starts whipping her hair around like Bret Michaels in a Poison video. I turn it down again when we pull up to the cottage they are staying at. As I walk around to open the door this crazy ass ginger cranks the radio up again full blast. Then she starts screaming. So here I am at about 12:30 in the morning and Back in the Saddle Again by Aerosmith is blaring out of my cab while a over hyped ginger seat-dances her ass off. As one of her friends gets out of the van she leans into me and says "why do you have a homeless guy in your cab?" I reply, "He's, not homeless, hes just having a real rough night." The red head hops on me and gives out a huge hug and then all three of them leave me and the homeless lookin guy alone. I get back in the cab and look at him in the rear view mirror and blurt out. "Sorry about that, fuckin bitches are crazy huh?" He looks back and goes "don't worry about it. I'm drunk." Touche my friend. Touche.
Ps. Too all the other cabbies out there pulling tricks to steal people from my cab I see ya'll muthafuckers. I'm remembering all you bitches. I'm learning this cab game real fast. You think you can do this shit too me? You Know who the fuck your dealing with? While you arrogant pieces of shits were still finding out where your balls were in 8th grade I was running this island. Who you think people are going to ride with? Some 18 year old punk with a crooked hat or a well dressed smooth operator from Mansfield, MA? You assholes are going down. I'm the man up in this piece. I run shit here, you just live here.
