Supposedly The New Twilight Movie Is Causing People To Have Seizures In The Movie Theater. Huh?

Boston.com
During a screening last weekend of “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn -- Part 1” at Showcase Cinema de Lux Legacy Place, theater workers had to stop the film about 10 minutes before it was over to help an ailing moviegoer in the back of the theater. The audience waited patiently with the house lights up while the person in Lux seating was checked out by EMTs. After about 20 minutes, the disoriented ticket holder was walked slowly out of the theater so that the rest of the Twi-hards could go back to a bloodied Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. We didn’t know what was happening at the time but perhaps now there’s an answer. The Hollywood Reporter and ABC News put out stories today explaining that a smattering of people across the country have reportedly had seizures during the end of “Breaking Dawn,” specifically during the birth scene (sorry -- spoiler), which involves flashes of red, black, and white. Showcase Cinemas reps were not available for comment. We plan to return for another screening of “Breaking Dawn” this weekend, you know, just to see if anyone else needs to be escorted out of the theater.

What bunch of pussises. What, you cant survive a scene where a chick has a fuckin baby? Grow up. I'm sure vampire pussy probably looks a little too pasty white but gimme a break with this seizure shit. You know how bad I wanted to cry and scream like a little bitch during the boat scene in Willy Wonka? You talk about siezures? The only way grown men could get through this sence was to be trippin sack off mushrooms. Too bad I was only 5 and I had to resort to snorting pixy stixs. Spare me with the "I cant handle the birth scene" in some vampire movie.



Hands down this is the most fucked up memory from my childhood. That and the first time I was introduced to Sloth.

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The Traditional Thanksgiving Eve Blog: A Cornucopia of Bullshit

So, I am getting to that age where I really have to start thinking about when it is time for me to retire from Thanksgiving Eve. I mean shit, I'm almost 30 years-old. I know my time should be coming to an end. You look at great MHS legends that no longer make an appearances. For one reason or another at somepoint they realize it's time to hang it up. Some get married, others have children and some people just move too far away. Most townies have had enough of the shit show and just know its time to hang-em up.

...Me, I'm on pace to never get married and I dont have any kids. (at least none that I know about.) So the way I look at it I am prob never going to retire from Thanksgiving eve. I know I will end up being that 35 year-old son of a bitch that can't let it go. I will be like the Brett Favre of Thanksgivng Eve. I'll be hanging on for so long that Kids I use to watch at the YMCA when they were 10, will soon be drinking right along side me. And the whole time they are talking to me they will be saying to themselves, "Dam this mutha fucka is too old to be out tonight." (and they will be right.) Shit, Who knows. Maybe in a few years I will be 32, have kids and a wife. But, it's more likely I am going to be like George Clooney, 40 plus years-old never going to get tied down to any thing. Bachelor 4-life. Well, enough of listening to my sweet fuckin 5 year plan. Bottom line, as long as I am single with no kids I'm going to ABUSE THE FUCKIN SHIT OUT OF THANKSGIVING EVE.

This year this blog is dedicated to those of us that won't make it out this year. Good for you. Unlike me you prob actually have a life and have something better to do than trying to drink yourself into a coma and get stuck into awkward never ending conversations with peeps you havent talked too since 1999. This blog is also dedicated to every townie that had no choice. To every townie that stood in line at that one fuckin bar that everyone in town couldn’t properly fit into. To all the townies who had a case of swamp ass from just standing in line at the Pic just to get in. To all the townies that said to themselves…

• “WTF! This line is so long I'm freezing my nuts off out here!”
• “Why the fuck is it so hot in here,I feel claustrophobic.”
• “Why did we come here again?”
• “It smells like BO in here.”
• “Fuck this, next year im not going out!”

Now, without further fahkin adieu. THE THANKSGIVING EVE BLOG…

November 23rd 2011 8pm. at Any Bar In Massachusetts, (Thanksgiving Eve)

It's quite possibly could be the biggest drinking day of the year. With Thanksgiving Day just hours away everyone is back home to be their families and friends. There is a building anticipation as the night gets near knowing that there are so many people that you are going to renew acquaintances with. The local bars are sure to be filled to capacity with lines streaming out the door. So with all this hype built up, what's it actually like when you get inside? Well to be honest with ya… it's a big shit show!

Let me preface the points I'm going to make by telling you that throughout this Shit show at the local bar, you will have a voice inside your head narrating your night. You know, like Fred Savage in The Wonder Years. So when you see any words inside parenthesis, it is your inner thoughts speaking to you in addition to what you are really thinking.

The night starts with a little pre-game at a friend's house. (Cause god knows you can't handle this night anywhere near sober.) So about 3-5 beers deep, couple of shots and/or funnels the men head out. The women head out after having half of a Michelob Ultra and a glass of White Zin. (probably from the box.) The men have a slight buzz and a grin on their face. While the women are claiming they're bleeped faced and complaining that they are cold.

When you arrive, it is clear that this bar is packed! Every town has its watering hole where the locals get tanked the night before Thanksgiving. In Mansfield, this place use to be the Piccadilly Pub/99 in Foxboro. Every town is the same. Once you get into this place it's hot as hell (A case of mid summer swamp ass to go along with passionate pits like you never thought you could have) and people are standing shoulder to shoulder.

When you take a step in you serve the scene like Tom Brady looking over the Pittsburgh Steelers defense. You lean in and and say some shit to your friend like. “Hey, hey. Don’t look now but so and so is to your right. No, No, don’t look dude! She is looking over here at me!" (nice thanks for fuckin looking bro, now I have to talk to her. You know what dude? you're a real douche) ...Within seconds you know which areas of the bar to avoid and which areas to attack. (I don't give a shit how hard you try to avoid someone… on this night they are gonna get ya!)

As you and your crew meander through the mob scene like Adrian Grenier and his entourage there is something that all guys do to each other. Every guy busts out the head nod, followed by a "what's up Dude?" (I've done so many head nods by the end of the night I feel like I am going to puke and could possibly be suffering from shaken baby syndrome.) So 99.9 percent of the conversations start and sound something like this… "Hey what's up, how ya been?" (BOOM! one second in and I already dont give a fuck) 30 minutes later the conversation is over. (I was looking for a quick 5 min summary, cliff notes if you will. Not the past 8 years of you're life)

Genuinely there are many people you look forward talking to, but on this night, we all get stuck in about 5-10 conversations that we could give a flying fuck about. This is true, it happens to all of us. Heck on this night there are going to be a few people that talk to me and are saying to themselves "Shut the fuck up Chief!" (Hey, it's ok because I'm 110% sure I will be thinking the same thing about you:)

Anyway… these awkward conversations have can have a number of elements to them. Here's a list...

• People that like to talk 5 inches away from your face. (Umm personal space... Back the fuck up bitch)
• Girls that like to give you the we are "Best friends" hug (Even though I talked to you like twice in high school. Ok fine, here's an "ass-out" hug) (*If you're hot I'll prob sneak an ass-in hug*)
• The kid that keeps talking to you all night and you have no fucking idea who he is. (How do I know you? And as soon as he walks away you nudge your friend and Say, “dude who the fuck was that?”)
• The tough guy that has to give you the hand crusher/military handshake. (fuck you buddy. My ego is not built off of if I can crush another dudes hand)
• The girl that can't stop telling old stories about herself...

All of these conversations eventually come to an end. But, watch out for this… "Hey let me get your number sometime… maybe we can hang out."( Ummm ya… maybe you can spoon feed me some more of that fresh bullshit stew your brewing) All of you know this will happen. Hey, it’s one thing if any of these people actually called you. However, you have blazed down this bullshit trail before. You are a thanksgiving eve veteran and we both know that none of these people ever call you. (New for 2011, Hey I’ll Facebook you! Sweet now I can know what you are doing all hours of the day! Even though I could give 2 shits. Yes!)

Guys, you're gonna know where I’m going with this next point. Mostly girls do this "Hey let me get your number" thing. A few of them will go "let me see your cell phone and I'll put my number in." (Get you're clammy hands off my crappy Zack Morris Nokia cell phone bitch!) There is no way of getting out of this without being a complete ass. As you walk away you'll say some BS like, "Ya, I'll give ya a call. Hit ya up sometime." (Ya right I will)

This night might mean more to me if I wasn't a 29 year old former Mansfield townie. But, Unfortunately I am. Here is how I know …

• For 7 years I worked at the Mansfield YMCA 2 minutes away from my house.
• The people at Mansfield Deli use to know me by name. Also when I used to walk into Quan's kitchen I could just smile and Mr. Quan would say. "D-5 for you?" (your god dam right Mr. Quan. Love me a D-5)
• Subconsciously while driving I can avoid every pothole on rt. 106.
• I feel like going anywhere outside of a 5-mile radius from my home is "far away."
• I never paid for ice cream at Sweet N’ Crafty because I knew everyone that worked there.
• I still call the Comcast Center "Great Woods."
….There is more but you get the point.

So by the end of the night some of the following things are guaranteed to be in your thoughts… There is going to be someone you talked to tonight that you wished you were friends with in high school. There is going to be a girl/guy you see that looks a lot better now that they did back in 1999. (There is also going to be a girl/guy you see that took the freshman 15 and added another 15 lbs to that …What do you get when you guzzle down sweets?) There is gonna be that one person that you wanted to slap in the face all night like Charlie Murphy wanted to do to Rick James.

Regardless what you're thinking, Thanksgiving Eve is good night. There is nothing better than reminiscing about the Glory Days. (Like the time Jeff Buck Supposildy threatend to blow up the school online and none of us went to class. we just kept driving down East St. seeing if there was smoke coming from the school. Long live "Jeff Buck" day, 2001) Your cheeks will hurt from smiling too much. (Or Fake smiling sometimes that hurts more.)

Ok, well I hope to see you crazy sons of bitches out at Patriots Place tonight. (Actually, I really only care to see about 10 of you) If your looking for me I wont be hard to find. I'll be the guy hidding in a group of people, acting like I care what you are saying, fake laughing, busting out the "Whats up dude" head nod and giving chicks bomb ass-out hugs.

Happy Thanksgiving Fuckers

What Would The Twilight Cast Look Like If This Shit Took Place In The 80's?

Peter Facinelli are you serious? Kevin Bacon as Edward Cullen? Did you not watch Full House? If Twilight was cast in the 80’s a young John Stamos would have dominated shit out of that role. Picture Stamos running through the woods chasing after Bella (who would be played by Pheobe Cates) he grabs her arm and spins her into his chest. He leans in and kisses her neck then subtly turns to the camera and says “Have Mercy.” Chicks would lose their shit, uncontrollably touching themselves. “Have Mercy” would be trademarked immediately. Millions of girls would be rocking Stamos T-shits with his catch phrase embroidered across the front. He would be bigger than James Dean and Sinatra combined. Pattinson better count his lucky starts that Stamos isn’t 25 years younger. He’d of kicked his ass in auditions. You can’t compete with Uncle Jesse bro. Game, Set, Match, Stamos.

Students At Rutgers Will Lose Their Shit If The Grease Trucks Have To Move Off Campus

NJ.com
Under a new proposal, officials of Rutgers University would require the "grease trucks" to leave campus overnight, put the coveted spaces in the lot up for public bid, raise the rent and require the trucks to collect and remove their own grease.

Being a transplant Masshole in New Jersey I had to learn new customs and norms. I wasnt even here for 24 hours before people started coming up to me and asking me if I tried the Grease trucks yet. No idea what these people were talking about. They wouldnt stop, day after day. "Oh, you go to Rutgers? Did you try the Grease Trucks?!" Like jesus christ people, what the fuck is the big deal with the Grease Trucks? So I drove my ass down there one night and witnessed the madness that is the Grease Trucks on College Ave. There were hundreds of shitfaced kids lined up to pound these sandwiches. It was unreal. I mean I love my Dunkin Donuts, but if I saw a line that long I would peace out that bitch. Anyway, I tried a Fat Darrell and it was no joke. Def lived up to the hype.  It was worth it despite the fact I shit my brains out for 2 hours straight. 

Someday when I leave this place and people ask me to sum up Rutgers I will say: Grease Trucks, Football and Easton Ave. In that order. If you take away the grease trunks you take away the greatest tradition this university has. 

How bad did you want to cunt punt this chick in the tiara?  Nobody gives a fuck that its your birthday sweet tits. Tonights all about the grease trucks.

This Little Masshole Speaketh The Truth About The New York Jets

I don't know who this little Masshole is but I want to crush Bud Lights with him so bad right now it's not even funny.

Milan Lucic Kills Ryan Miller and Then Basically Calls The Entire Buffalo Team Pussies

Lucic Response After Game

Question (1:16): "If the roles were reversed and that happens to Timmy (Thomas) would there have been a stronger response from you guys?"

Lucic: "Definitively. We wouldn't except anything like that. We would have took care of business. But, we're a different team than they are."

Translation: Ryan Miller is a pussy. Buffalo turtled like a bunch of bitches and if you tried something like that to our goaltender we would beat the piss out of him in the corner until the refs dragged us off.

Ryan Miller Response

He out weighs you by 50 pounds? Shut the fuck up Ryan Miller. Bro, you were 15 feet outside the crease playing the puck at the same time Lucic was.  Grow up.  How bout you call your own team out for doing absolutely nothing in your defense while you lay "dead" on the ice. Now that's gutless.

VIDEO: How Fast Will It Take Penn State To Expel This Dick Head Dancing On The Van?

Tuition at Penn State: $50,000, Smartphone so everything you do is recorded on tape : $500, Joe Pa Life size cut out: $42.99 . Telling your parents you got expelled becasue you supported and 84 year old pedophile enabler: Priceless

Seriously though, how ironic is it that while all this is going on a Joe Pa cut out shows up, proceeds to stand there, watch and then does nothing.

Dammit cardboard Joe. Do something!

VIDEO: Penn State Riots: Students Flip Over News Van

This is just the beginning of these videos. Are kids really that stupid to riot over a 100 year old man being fired for enabling an pedophile? Unreal.

How Bad Do You Want To Punch This PSU Student In The Face?

So I've been watching videos on this story for hours but this douche bag wins.  Is it even possible to come off looking like more of a uneducated asshole than this kid?  I cant remember the last time I wanted to reach through the TV and Punch someone square in the face this much.  The part at the end when he looks around to the rest of the crowd like he's fuckin Van Wilder big man on campus drove me berzerk. Hate this kid with a passion. 

Fuck you bro

6 Random Takeaways From Blog World Expo LA 2011

Inside Jokes at Blog World Make You Want to Stab Yourself In The Eye

Nothing less funny then being in a conversation with a group of people that constantly drop inside jokes. Everyone laughs while you just sit there and fake chuckle looking like a douche having no clue whats going on. Well imagine a room filled with thousands of people and the guy on stage does the same shit. You’d want to go up there and punch him in his dick right? Welcome to Blog World, this happened at least once every presentation. And it was definitely a guy thing. How many inside jokes do we need to hear about the shittyness of Google Plus? We get the point. Only thing less funny about inside jokes are inside jokes about fuckin social media.

What the Hell Was Cheech Doing at Blog World?

Obviously he was trying to promote something but it just seemed random as hell. Your walking around the expo room and then all of the sudden you come to this group of people surrounding this area talking pictures and you notice its Cheech. People were flocking all around him like he was Justin Bieber. Relax. Dude made movies about getting high. I don’t think hes going to shed any light on how you can bring more traffic to your website or improve your Klout score.

Rick Fox is a Media Whore

So my inside sources at blog world (yes I had inside sources. I networked like a muthafucker at this thing) told me that some of the speakers originally planned canceled last minute. So you’re in LA and you need someone to get on stage who do you call? Rick Fox. What the fuck does Rick Fox have to do with blog world? Who knows. It’s just comical that this guy would pop in last minute to get on stage and talk about himself. Not to mention majority of people there had no idea he even existed before the Lakers. From Celtics 6th man to the toast of Hollywood. Dam you Rick Fox, you good lookin son of a bitch. The next interview you turn down will be your first.

Q and A Sessions At Blog World Are Painful to listen Too



Can’t tell you how many times some douche would come up to the microphone and ask a 2 minute long question that no one in the room knew what he was talking about. Every asshole that got to the mic also had to give a shameless plug to their website. Get to the point bro. I didn’t pay $800 to sit here so you could listen to yourself talk.

The Women of Blog World Were Drop Dead Gorgeous

You literally could have just walked around and checked out the eye candy and gotten your money’s worth. Not sure if it was a California thing but some of these women looked like they should be in Maxim. I debated back and forth on whether or not I should just drop everything I was doing and creep on chicks all day, which would have included stalking iJustine. Do you want to sit in an hour long presentation about how to get more likes on your shitty Facebook page or do you want to sit and chat with smokeshows from the OC? Geeze, tough choice here. I mean that Facebook page isn’t going to like it’s self.

LA Fans Are Soft as Puppy Shit

How come nobody beat my ass for talking this picture? I literally stood there for a minute taking about 3 pictures holding this exact pose. People just walked on by like it was normal. If someone in Boston decided to pull this shit in front of the Bobby Orr Statue, a sniper would pick them off from a roof and then Massholes would stomp them out reminiscent of a scene from Grand Theft Auto. Toughen the fuck up LA. Show some self respect.

If Your Not Jammin Out To Heavy D Right Now You're Straight Tippin

Heavy D was one of the best all time Rappers. If you weren't nodding to you're head to songs like "Is it good too you?" in the late 80's and early 90's then you were deprived growing up and your taste of music was questionable at best.  Pandora "Heavy D" is on full blast for the rest of the night.

R.I.P

BREAKING NEWS: My Decision On My High School Reunion is In And I’m Not Going Casue I don’t Give a Fuck What 99.9 Percent of My Class Has To Say

Let me preface this by saying a lot of thought went into this decision. I mean how often do you get to pay money to stand in a room and talk to hundreds of people you never really cared about, right? Shit is once in a lifetime opportunity. Nothing like listening to how everyone’s lives are just their 9-5 jobs and cleaning their kids diapers. Riveting stuff right there if you ask me. You ever wondered what happened to Billy from woodshop? Well tonight is your night to find out. Is he married, is he in jail, does he have kids, is he still and epic douche bag? Enquiring minds want to know!

Lets not bullshit here. High School reunions are huge pissing contests of who can spin how great there shitty lives have been for the past 10 years. Does anyone really give fuck about more than 10-20 people from your their entire graduating class? If you say yes then you’re full of shit. Go check your Facebook page and see how many people from high school you are friends with and then tell me how many of them you proceeded to block from your news feed cause you don’t give a flying fuck what they have to say. So now you’re telling me you want to hang with those same fuckers for 5 hours and pay money to do it? Sounds like a boss night if you ask me. Just a room full of people in their late 20’s taking babies, weddings and what they do to kill time while they sit in a cubicle. I’d rather be kicked square in the nuts while simultaneously being punched in the face than participate in this. Count my ass out. I’ll most likely be down the street at another bar talking about how awesome it is to not have a wife and kids, what its like to go to college full time at age 29 and the one time I threw a touchdown pass in the 4th quarter against Watertown.

Wow, That Guy Looks Just Like Julian Edelman

So Im doing some of my own investigation reporting to support the fact this is indeed Julian Edelman. I mean its pretty fuckin obvious from the stories and mug shot that its him. But I wanted to fact check for myself.  While searching around on twitter and found another picture of  Edelman he took one week ago. http://twitpic.com/72vk4p I figured all dudes have this one pose they do in pictures. How do I know this? Cause I have about 300 pictures of me doing the Al Bundy Polk High pose for some reason. Its just something guys do. We all have our nitch. Apparently #11 here is a pointer.

Athletes need to be careful when it comes to today's social media. Good or bad, stories e can build up in the blink of an eye when everyone around you has a smartphone.