When this season started I made a promise to myself that no matter where I was living or what I was doing I would make every effort to get myself into Boston to watch a potential Stanley Cup clinching game for the Bruins if that day were to come. Well, 9 months later that day has arrived. In a few hours I will begin an epic journey. It will start on the shores of Martha's Vineyard and end in the streets of Boston tomorrow night. I encourage anyone reading this to make every effort to get into the city to watch this game. Get out of work early, Find a baby sitter, Cancel whatever plans you may have had. Tomorrow night is game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals. Your Boston Bruins have a chance to set thousands of Massholes into a state of euphoria.
Nights like these are special. Take advantage of being from and living near the City of Boston. We are the greatest sports city in the world. To quote Mark Recchi "embrace the moment."
Tonight the Stanley Cup will be in the Garden when the Bruins take on the Canucks in a game 6. No way in hell this Bruins team allows these assholes to skate around with the cup in Boston. Not in our house. Not after the gutless style of hockey these Canucks have displayed. This team has embarrassed the Bruins and showed they have no respect for them. Fuck these flopping and diving bitches! They know who they are dealing with? This is the Boston Bruins. The most psychical, resilient team in the NHL. All season the B's have played best when their backs were against the wall. They came back down 0-2 against Montreal and won in game 7. They steam rolled the Flyers when everyone was waiting for them to fail. They put on a defensive clinic against Tampa Bay in game 7 of the Eastern Conference finals. And in this Stanley cup final they flipped the momentum and were able to tie the series at 2 games a piece after putting themselves in an 0-2 hole. For one final time this season they must grab their shovels and dig out. When the playoffs started I wrote that I would be in Boston if the Bruins had a chance to win the cup. You bet your ass I am keeping that promise. This series is going back to Vancouver for a game 7. I'll see all you Massholes in the hub on Wednesday night.
An island man was attacked with a staple gun Saturday afternoon at the Milestone Rotary in an incident that turned heads at one of Nantucket's busiest intersections. Police believe Jose Tavares, 35, had a previous issue with the alleged victim, who he spotted at the Inquirer and Mirror parking lot just after 1 p.m. on Saturday, stopped his vehicle, and proceeded to attack the 39-year-old man with the staple gun. The victim was treated for a head wound at Nantucket Cottage Hospital and released. Tavares was charged with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon.
Wait. That shit "turned heads?" No fuckin way! I thought that ish was common place on Nantucket. Just Assholes in Vineyard Vines polo shirts and boat shoes staple gunning the shit out of each other left and right.
How fuckin slow to react do you have to be so another person can put a staple in your head? Can't you see this shit coming from a mile away? I need some more deets. Like did this guy just get pistol whipped with the staple gun or did he literally take a few staples to the dome piece? Cause that would make this story go from so-so to epic. Get on that shit Inquirer. I need to know this info STAT!
Ps. One: these parents are fucked. Two: Is this baby already balding? Cause that is the meanest widows peak I have ever seen.
So my first day working was last Friday night. My boss pretty much gave me the keys and threw me to the wolves. I realized Friday nights bring out a different kinda crowd. A crowd that loves to get shitfaced and then act the fool in your cab as you drive them home. Hey, I cant blame them. If I wasn't driving this cab I would be right next to them.
The Following events happend Last Friday night on a place we like to call "The Rock" Aka Martha's Vineyard.
10:15 PM:
This dude walks up to my cab and just opens the door, gets in and says "are you ready?" Umm... Ya dude, like how bout you ask that before stumble into my cab without permission. As he gets in I can smell the booze coming from his body. Guy is completely shitfaced. So I start to drive away and bring him to where he wants to go. This is my first night so I am still getting used to everything. I pulled over real quick because I had and issue with my Nextell Phone. As I am fixing my phone this guy touches my shoulder and says, "I got to take a piss. I'll be right back." Mind you we are still in the middle of an area where people are walking around. Luckily the dude couldnt figure out how to open the door. So I began to pull away. As I am talking to dispatch about where I am bringing this guy he chimes in and goes. "Hey! Ask your buddy on the walkie talkie if he knows where all the chicks are tonight." Is this guy fuckin serious? Bro, your like 55 years old and you have a major potbelly. Sit back and shut the fuck up so I can concentrate where I am driving your bloated ass.
11:33 PM:
I take this couple back to their homes right down the street. This Brazilian guy and girl. The girl is so drunk she needs help walking. I can barely tell what the hell this guy is saying to me. The whole time I am thinking this chick is going to Ralph all over the back seat of my cab. I eventually get to what I thought was their house. He tells me to wait and brings this chick inside. At this point he is literally carrying her into the house. He comes back and sits in the front seat next to me. I was like, "dude is that your girl friend?" He was like, "No. that is my bosses wife." Before I can even get a follow up question dude is like "I'm Gay. Are you gay?" (Zach Morris Time Out) So at this point this just me and this guy by ourselves driving through the streets of MV in the middle of the night and I think this dude is hitting on me. Come on dude, this is my first night. Can I get a few nights in before I get to awkward situations like this? (Time in) I just kind of awkwardly laugh and reply, "Nah dude, I'm a big fan of women." Then its silent for like 30 seconds, but is seemed more like 30 minutes. I soon drop this guy off and peaced out of that situation.
12:12PM:
This tall redheaded chick comes up to my Cab and asked for a ride down the street. She gets in the front seat. (I already hate when peeps get in the front seat). We wait for a few minutes so I can see if I can get more passengers heading in the same direction. This guy comes in the van and we drive off. The guy in back is drunk as a skunk and he looks grimy as fuck. As we drive away this girl wont stop talking. Like just a loud quick talking drunk. As we get close to where she is staying I see poeple walking on the street. This girl starts screaming "Oh, those are my friends! Pick them up!" So I pull over and tell this couple to get in. Once they get in this chick next to me takes the radio and turns it up full blast. I turn it down. She turns it up and starts whipping her hair around like Bret Michaels in a Poison video. I turn it down again when we pull up to the cottage they are staying at. As I walk around to open the door this crazy ass ginger cranks the radio up again full blast. Then she starts screaming. So here I am at about 12:30 in the morning and Back in the Saddle Again by Aerosmith is blaring out of my cab while a over hyped ginger seat-dances her ass off. As one of her friends gets out of the van she leans into me and says "why do you have a homeless guy in your cab?" I reply, "He's, not homeless, hes just having a real rough night." The red head hops on me and gives out a huge hug and then all three of them leave me and the homeless lookin guy alone. I get back in the cab and look at him in the rear view mirror and blurt out. "Sorry about that, fuckin bitches are crazy huh?" He looks back and goes "don't worry about it. I'm drunk." Touche my friend. Touche.
Ps. Too all the other cabbies out there pulling tricks to steal people from my cab I see ya'll muthafuckers. I'm remembering all you bitches. I'm learning this cab game real fast. You think you can do this shit too me? You Know who the fuck your dealing with? While you arrogant pieces of shits were still finding out where your balls were in 8th grade I was running this island. Who you think people are going to ride with? Some 18 year old punk with a crooked hat or a well dressed smooth operator from Mansfield, MA? You assholes are going down. I'm the man up in this piece. I run shit here, you just live here.
So I noticed an odd trend happening with myself where I use this fuckin cooler for everything. In New Jersey it was a fuckin coffee table. Shit was the bomb. On the weekends I would just fill it with Ice and lean over in my lay-z-boy and grab and frosty cold budlight 3 feet away from me. Once I got to The Vineyard I had no where to put my TV and without hesitation I just put it on the cooler. Like is this normal? Who thinks like this? I mean if thing had front wheels I would probly drive it around the island.
Fuck mopeds. I got a 30 rack of Budlights chilling between my legs.
Dead! Fuckin Dead! What kinda asshole steals a life size Stanley Cup off the stairs of a little girls house? To be honest I would have stolen that a month ago. Are you fuckin kidding me? You see the picture of that cup? Things boss. I would have been the baddest dude in the Hub. Puck sluts just coming up to me left and right asking if they could touch "my cup." I would be the toast of Boston. News crews interviewing me every our of the day. Just sitting on the set of ESPN with Barry Melrose shooting the shit about what it's like to rock a bomb mullet and coach Wayne Gretzky. We'd pose for a few pictures and then crush some budlights while eating a couple of Bobby Orr sandwiches at The Fours. Shit would help me network to the highest level. My blog would be picked up in a heartbeat. Websites just beating the shit out of each other to get a piece of the Chief...
Life lesson # 10,923,093 Never leave a life size Replica of the Stanley Cup on Your front steps when your not home so you can go see Pirates of the fuckin Caribbean. Because some Masshole will steal that shit so fast it will make your head spin.
PS. What the fuck is up with the Bunny? Has this shit been out front since Easter? Its a miracle it wasn't stolen sooner. Smarten up Abby Ross, you're better than that.
This is it. 4 more wins and we will know what its like to watch our hockey team hold the Stanley Cup. It’s been a long season. Many of you started watching this team in October when the opened the season overseas in Prague. By mid February you were freezing your balls off somewhere watching the B’s pull off 6 straight wins on the road that helped define this season. Now its June 1st and its strange as fuck to be watching the Bruins play past Memorial Day weekend and into June. This is what it was like to be a Bruins fan in the 70’s and 80’s when the B’s dominated the sports landscape of Boston. The Bruin glory days are back. The stage is set with all of the lights shining brightly on the black and gold. Standing in their way, the best time in the NHL. The Vancounver Canucks.
Keys to the Bruins winning this series
Matching up the defensive pair or Chara and Seidenberg on the Sedin Twins anytime they are out on the ice. This line will kill the Bruins if they are out there for an extended period of time against Kaberle and McQuaid.If you notice that happen at any point in the series, get ready to spawn and ulcer and chuck your remote across the room because that matchup spells doom for the Bruins.
Avoid taking bad penalties. I cant STRESS this enough. Vancouver’s power play is hotter than Blake Lively and Stacy Dash Combined. The Cancucks have a playoff Power play success rate of 28 percent while the Bruins come in at a historically embarrassing 8 percent.Bruins need to keep on ice play to 5 on 5 if they want to compete with the Canucks.
Get traffic in front of goal tender Roberto Luongo and elevate pucks when the net is open.Luongo is a Vezna Trophy finalist as is Tim Thomas.Although, their style of play couldn’t be any different.The Bruins need to get screens in front of the net and then elevate pucks when rebound chances occur.They will not beat Luongo on along the ice. He is too good.
Know where Ryan Kesler is at all times.Kesler is the “Krejic/Bergeron” of the Vancouver Canucks.He happens to be playing the best hockey of his life and its at an MVP type level. I wouldn’t be surprised if Chara is out there against Kesler at times if he starts to dominate play.The Bruins forwards also need to keep a body on him and not let him get free down the slot.Bad defensive break downs will enable Kesler to capitalize on those mistakes.
Continue to produce at the faceoff circle. Often it’s the little things that can separate 2 evenly matched teams in the playoffs. Krecji and Bregerogn need to continue their stellar play at the dot. Vancouver looks to get centerman Manny Malhotra back this series. Malhotra suffered a serious eye injury that was thought to be career threatening. He’s regarded as one of the best faceoff men in the NHL. When there is an important faceoff to be had, don’t be surprised to see Malhotra vs Bergeron. Although it may seem like a minor point, the faceoff battle will be key to which team wins this series.
Play ugly, nasty, defensively disciplined Boston Bruins Hockey. The Bruins cannot afford to get in a wide open, trading shot for shot style of play that they did at times with Tampa Bay. Vancouver has too much fire power that will overwhelm the B’s. The Bruins are regarded as the best defensive team in the NHL. Which is good because they are going to need it.
Overall, I expect this to be a great series. Vancouver is clearly the more talented team from top to bottom.It’s no mistake that they were the best team in the regular season and seem to be the best team in the playoffs.As previously mentioned, if the Bruins can keep this a 5 on 5 series and stay out of the penalty box (avoiding the green men) they have a great shot at winning their first cup in 39 years.Tim Thomas is going to need to steal a few games in this series for the B’s to have a chance.In fact, he may have to steal all 4.
My prediction: Bruins in 6 (my head says they lose this series but my heart says they win. Yes that was the gayest line I have ever used in a blog.) No one in the national media is picking the Bruins to win this series. In fact some of them are picking Vancouver to sweep the Bruins. They say there is no chance that the Bruins hold the cup. Guess we'll will see about that...
