On June 18th Jimmy Fuckin Buffett is coming to
Growing up in Mansfield you learn about Jimmy Buffett tailgating parties around the time you are 15-16 years old. You hear about how legendary the scnece is but you really have no fucking clue what its like until you get there. The first year I went I was in shock and awe of what I saw. It truly is an all you can eat and drink epic shit show. I don't care what happens to you on this day, Buffett tailgate will no doubt go down in the top ten moments of your life. (fuck your wedding day and Having a baby. That shit can't compare) If you are sitting here reading this and you have never been to Buffett do me a favor an lean a little closer so I can slap you in the face. This year you are fucking going. Don't shake your head and say you are too old or are out of that party scene. That's the great thing about Buffett. You are never too old to go. Trust me, the minute you see a 45 year old trophy wife walking around in a coconut bra and her left tittie is hanging out, you will quickly realize this is your kinda party.
Why Jimmy Buffett Tailgate is the Balls
- Tailgating Props : People fuckin show up with bags of sand, mini pools and wet bars. Everywhere you turn there is a mini Cancun being set up right next to you. People bring tikki torches, min palm trees, parrots, blow up monkeys. Mutha fuckers dressing their cars and trucks up to look like big sharks. shits nuts.
- Milfs and Dilfs: If you are a big MILF guy like myself then you are in heaven at Buffett. This is like a coming out party for women 40 and older. They revert back to their younger sorority days and are eye fucking younger guys like they haven't seen dick since 1985. Meanwhile, their husbands could give 2 shits what they do because they are having a ball of a time strutting around the parking lot in their Hawaiian shirts trying to get 20 years olds to show them their tits. It really is a win win situation for an old married couple. For one day a year they get to party like they are 21 and flirt with anyone they want. A hall pass of epic proportions.
- Beer and Food: To be honest, you can really just show up without beer or food. There are so many poeple around you can just ask for drink or a bite to eat and people are so fuckin jolly at this thing they'll give you whatever you want. Also, you can just walk around and steal drinks out of coolers after everyone goes into the concert. Hey, this is the kinda shit that goes down at Buffett. If you think I am walking a mile back to my car to grab a fuckin drink you are out of your god dam mind. It's all about surviving the day. And avoiding a 15 min walk back to my car conserves a lot of energy.
- Hooters: Something about Buffett makes chicks just want to whip out there tits. Its to the point where dirty old men bring big game show like spin wheels (wheel of chance) and set them up next to their bar. You spin it and whatever it says you have to do. Every other option on the wheel is pretty much show your tits or make out with a chick. Again, Its a win win. So the creepy son of a bitch I am, I'll just stand there and watch bitches play this game for 25-30 min. In that time span you are guaranteed to see about 6-8 sets of hooters. Ya this sounds creepy as fuck but I'm telling you, at Buffett its all good. It's really as if guys come with a preconceived notion that they know they will be seeing titties and woman come with the preconceived notion that at some point they are going to have to show them. I can't explain it. You just have to experience it for yourself.
- Bus and Camper Row: This area is wear the fucked up shit goes down. Imagine a gauntlet of 50 busses. Down the middle of these buses are hundreds of poeple completely shitfaced in beach attire. There a live DJ's playing music. Dudes playing Corn hole. Chicks making out with each other. Huge tables of food where poeple intive you to grab something to eat. Hot women wrapping Hawaian leis around your neck. I have never been to heaven, but I can only hope that it is close to Bus and Camper row at Jimmy Buffett.
- What Happens at Buffett Stays at Buffett: You are going to be out in the sun and drinking for 8 hours straight. At some point shit is going to get weird. You may end up almost fighting your overly drunk friend. Maybe you make out with a busted chick in a odd moment. Perhaps you take a piss in between 2 cars and in mid stream you realize a pack of 40 year old ladies are staring right at your junk. Maybe as a chick you have shown your tits just a little too often and creepy old men are now following you around like a school of fish. If I could give you any advise I would say, just go into Buffett with the mind set you are going to get really fucked up and do something you will prob regret later and you'll be ok.
This was taken last year at Buffett. No, none of us even knew who these nasty chicks were. They just stopped by our tent and started to make out. This video just scratches the surface of the kinda shit that takes place during Buffett tailgate.
"Thats not bad actually, I Kinda like that" -P. Wallace
