NFL Sunday. 32 Hours Before the Patriots Kick Off And I Need to Calm Down Before I Hurt Myself

I want this kinda shit back and I want it back right now. Look at this fuckin mad house. Ozzy is half dead coked out of his mind singing out a big helmet while our team comes stampeding out from underneath him. Was this shit real life? I totally forgot Freddie Prince Jr. was the host. Like Freddy, wtf are you doing at Gillette bro? The Patriots were so fuckin big back then everyone wanted to swing from our nut sack. Grab a hair Freddy Prince, we got pleanty of room.  Its time we get back to dominating the shit out of the entire NFL. I want live concerts and shit with fuckin Secrest hosting it. Casue that kinda pomp and circumstance means your team is back on top. Time to get this VIP on Swole and take back the league!

Ya, I know we don't play until tomorrow night. But I just had my second cup of Dunkins and its only 10:30. I'm so hyped right now I'm going to be a funkin psycho come Monday night at 7. I cant even concentrate toady, Im ready to head butt walls and shit. Lets do it Miami! LEEEEEEEEETS DO IT!!!!!

Sammie Sweetheart, Shut-The-Fuck-Up!

Ben & Jerry's To Come Out With "Schweddy Balls" Ice Cream Flavor

MYFOX BOSTON

MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP) - Ben & Jerry's is unveiling a new flavor, and it doesn't sound too tasty. "Schweddy Balls" is an homage to an old "Saturday Night Live" skit featuring Alec Baldwin as bakery owner Pete Schweddy, whose unique holiday offerings included something called "Schweddy Balls." Sean Greenwood, a spokesman for the Vermont ice cream maker, said Thursday that the company isn't worried about offending people with the name. He says one of the company's principles is to do fun things and that it fits in with that, just as it did with previous flavors like Karmel Sutra and Half Baked. The new flavor is available at scoop shops and supermarkets. It consists of vanilla ice cream, rum, fudge-covered rum balls and milk chocolate malt balls.

Brilliant marketing by Ben & Jerry's. I mean who wouldnt want to take a bite out of some Ice Cold Schweddy balls ice cream? Fuckin brilliant! Your god dam right Sean Greenwood isnt worreid about offending people. Nothing will stop people from buying and eating ben and Jerry's. He knows it, I know it and you know it. They could come out with a "Dirty Balloon Knot" flavor and people would still buy it. Keep it up Ben & Jerry's. I for one will be the first in line to down some Schweddy Balls... ice cream.

Reason # 3,542,711 Why I am Single: Psycho Ex-girl friend Calls Dude 65,000 Times in a Year

FOX NEWS
Dutch prosecutors are charging a 42-year-old woman with stalking after she allegedly called her ex-boyfriend 65,000 times in the past year.The 62-year-old victim from The Hague filed a police complaint in August due to the persistent phone calls. Police arrested the suspected stalker Monday, seizing several cell phones and computers from her home in Rotterdam. Hague prosecution spokeswoman Nicolette Stoel said Thursday the woman argued to judges at a preliminary hearing she had a relationship with the man and the number of calls she placed to him wasn't excessive. The man denied they had a relationship.The court ordered her not to contact him again.


This is why I stay the fuck away from relationships.  65,000 phone calls in a year wasn't excessive? Really? Im no math major but that averages out to be about 180 phone calls a day. How fucked up does someone have to be to call an ex that many times? You figure maybe at the 10,000 mark Nicolette would get the hint that this dude has moved on.

The man denied they had a relationship? No shit. No one in their right mind would want to be associated with this stage 5 clinger. Nothin screams cock block like a psycho ex girl friend that's sleeping in your bushes ready to stab you in the nut sack.

Albert Haynesworth and Vince Wilfork are Going to Absolutely Put the Fear of God Into Opposing Offensive Lines

Boston Herald

Last year. I didn’t even think I was going to play, I was playing a lot of scout team. Now, I’m in the system and I’m playing and practicing I think it’s time for me, the sleeping giant, to awake and go back on the field and play football again.” -Albert Haynesworth

Haynesworth and Wilfork have the potential to be the best sports combination to hit Boston since Manny Ortiz.  Personally I always wanted to see Wilfork play in a more attach 4-3 defense.  Since he’s been here his job was to clog gaps and take on double teams so the linebackers could be free to make plays. To the naked eye you didn’t see him make too many flashy plays.  In a 3-4 defense, a nosetackles job is never going to be flashy. His job isn’t to attach but to be unselfish and create opportunities for others to make plays. Now that has all changed. With Haynesworth Ridding shot-gun, big #75 is now unleashed.  Individually, they both have been regarded as the best defensive tackles in the league. Together they could form the most lethal defensive line combination in NFL history.  Could the Haynesworth do something stupid at any moment and get cut? Sure. But what if he toes the line and follows the Patriots modo? What if he returns to his pro bowl from? If he does the rest of the NFL better watch out.  Vince Wilfork by himself is Mack Truck. Vince Wilfork next to a motivated Albert Haynesworth is like two 18 wheelers loaded with cargo, coming down a steep hill with no brakes. Impossible to contain, impossible to stop.

This Tom Brady UGG's Commercial Basically Just Cut My Balls Off As a Patriots Fan

Hey, I know Tommy boy here has won 3 Super Bowls and is coming off a season in which he just won a unanamous league MVP but this shit ain't right. Nothing Screams bad-ass football player like rocking a sweet set of Uggs. You know how many fuckin chicks on campus wear a set of brown UGGS? Like all of them. How the hell am I supposed to back up my shit talking down here in the dirty dirty when my QB is wearing the same shoes of chicks I want to smush with? Its impossible. I'm just going to get my dick handed to me when I try to talk shit. Dam you Tom Brady. Stop being so metro sexual you good lookin son of a bitch.

Real quaterbacks sell wine muthafucka. Take notes

Walmart Employees Burglarize Store, One to Get a Car and the Other For a Penis

Huffington Post
PRESCOTT, Ariz. -- Police in Arizona say two Walmart employees burglarized the store where they worked to pay for a car and a sex change operation. Police arrested 23-year-old Spencer Danger Cullen and 19-year-old Adriano Valdes Altiveros III on Friday. Reinhardt says Altiveros reportedly told detectives he stole cash to buy a car. He says Cullen told police she stole the money to go forward with a sex change operation. Cullen and Altiveros remain in custody. The Yavapai County public defender's office would not say Wednesday whether the pair had been appointed attorneys.


Wait. One of this fuckers is a chick? I've been sitting here for 10 minutes trying to decide which one is the dude and which one is a chick. Seriously its a toss up. If you held a gun to my head I would have to say the one on the right. Huff post says the one on the left is the chick. I digress... The bigger story here is why not make up a better excuse? like Cullen did you have to go with the old "sex change" defense? I mean just make up anything. Say you to save money for college or that you wanted to help mom and dad out with some bills. Don't sit there and say you stole the money cause you wanted to turn your beaver into a dick. I'm not detective but that shit aint going to get any sympathy votes from me. Personally, I wouldn't know what I would do without my dick seeing how it makes about 99.9 percent of my decisions for me. It cant be the same deal for chicks. If they let their pussies do the thinkin for them I'm sure it would tell them to be a bitch once a month for about 4-5 days. Ya, like that would ever happen.

If A Pumkin Muffin From Dunkin Donuts Was a Chick I'd Marry Her

So I walk into Dunkins today and there she was. Just sitting there with her friends on the top shelf. All tan and glazed up, looking fine as hell. Its been months since we seen each other but it felt just like yesterday she was in my mouth. So warm and spicy, she tastes so good. I couldn't wait till I got her into my car alone so I could have her all to myself. Every year I think this is the year i will move on from her but I can't. Masshole's are incapable of resisting anything from Dunkin Donuts. Especially that sexy ass pumpkin muffin.

Lets go sugar tits, we got a lot of catching up to do.