Driving a taxi you never really know who is going to get in your cab. It’s like playing Russian roulette only with people. As a single guy you pray that you get a stream of vacationing hot chicks getting in and out of your cab all day. Unfortunately, this is a pipe dream. Even during the busy season you may average one really hot chick in your cab per week. I know, you think it would be higher. Trust me, I see a shit load of em walking around but they don’t always need a taxi. That is unless they are going to a wedding…
So Saturday I pick up this couple at the Harbor View Hotel in Edgartown. This hot chick comes down the stairs in this tight orange dress with a scarf over her head looking like fuckin Whitney Houston in the Bodyguard. Like I said, it’s a rarity to get a woman this hot in your cab. (Similar to seeing a no hitter or a perfect game in baseball.) What did I do once she got in my cab? I eye fucked the shit out of her from the rearview mirror and talked her ear off.
You know, when you drive a taxi and you have masters degree there aren’t too many perks that come with the job. Every shift there is a moment where I say to myself “fuck me, what would happen if I just ran over like 5 of these tourists like I was playing Grand Theft Auto?” …Being able to eye fuck and chat with a girl as hot as this is an opportunity you need to seize. She makes up for all the drunk douche-bags that I have to babysit on the way back to their cottages on Friday nights.
When I ended my shift the first thing I said to the other cab drivers was “I drove this chick today that was so hot I woulda cut off my pinky finger to sleep with her.” No idea why I said it. But I was dead fuckin serious. She had this French accent, face of an angle and a body that would make you strain your neck if you walked by her. So this brings up a larger question. Is there anyone in the world you would sleep if it meant you had to cut off your pinky finger? Maybe I’m losing my mind on this island because there aren’t to many hot chicks over here yet, but I absolutely woulda cut off my left pinky finger to sleep with this girl.
Hey you try living on in the offseason. Shit aint easy. Hot women are so scarce over here right now you start to hallucinate like a dehydrated hiker in the middle of the desert. If you ever get into a taxi this summer and you get a driver that is missing both his pinky fingers you’ll know it’s me. And if a you’re a hot chick, you can bet your fine ass that I will be eye fucking the shit out of you behind the shades of my sun glasses. I won't be watching the road that's for sure. Buckle up.
