Anyway they cut right to the action. Rudolph is born with this glowing red nose. So Santa and Rudolph’s dad verbally crap all over him 5 seconds after his born. What a couple of ass holes. Then Santa goes into this fuckin “ I am old Kris Kringle” song and bounces. Song sucked, Santa’s fat and bald and he has no rhythm. Fuck him.
Rudolph’s dad doesn’t defend his son and rubs some friggin mud on his nose so he can go to reindeer camp and be inspected by that fat fuck Santa and the rest of the reindeers hoping that no one will see his glowing nose.
Scene then cuts to Hermie and the elfs. Hermie is the fruitiest character ever created. They give him this Zach Morris Hair cut and a voice similar to the biker guy who plays MR. Garrisons boyfriend on South Park. “Jesus Christ”
So later at reindeer camp , Rudolph meets up with some other reindeers. One of them is named fireball. Of course he is the only reindeer that has orange hair on his head and freckles on his face. Way to be subtle on this one. Name him Fireball? Might was well just call him Firecrotch. Shits disrespectful to all red heads.
Rudolph later meets Hermie the elf. Bang! Out of nowhere this diddler pops out of a snow bank that Rudolph has sat down on. What is this mutha fucka doin randomly chilling in a snow bank? Anyway, these two geniuses decide to leave camp and go out on their own.
During their travels they come across this child molester named Yukon Cornelius. This guy is tripping sack. He shows up on a dog sled claiming he’s a prospector. Every 5 minutes this spaz takes his mining pic, throws it in the air and then licks it. Let me repeat that, this fucker tosses his pic in the air and then licks it. I’m not a fuckin gold prospector but in my 29 years of life I have never understood what the fuck licking the pic means. Let alone try to understand that shit when I’m 8 years old.
So all 3 of these fucks stubble upon the island of Misfit toys. They end up spending the night in a shack the size of an out-house. Way to teach kids to sleep with a hairy “prospector” you just met with the worlds sketchiest mustache. Eventually Rudolph comes to his senses and leaves the shack in the middle of the night so the elf and prospector can spoon alone.
The movie fast forwards sometime and Rudolph comes home. He checks on his parents and they are not there. Santa says that “they left to find you.” Then he says “I really need your father if I am going to fly my sleigh.” Way to be real considerate you fat fuck. Staying with the theme throughout the movie, Santa continues to be the huge Asshole.
Rudolph eventually finds his family trapped by the abominable snowman. This Abominable snowman looks like Osama Bin Laden’s beard with a face on it. So, The Fruity Elf and Diddling prospector show up and help Rudolph save his family.
The movie ends with everyone together back at Santa’s castle, all happy and singing. Santa tells Rudolph he needs him now because of his nose. What a selfish douche-bag. Of course this fuck would only want Rudolph now because he can help him see through the fog with his glowing nose.
In the final scene, Santa and all the Reindeer are lined up with Rudolph leading the pack. Santa yells out, “ready Rudolph?” and Rudolph yells back, “ready Santa!” You know what? Fuck that ending! Santa was a cocksucker the whole movie. The ending should have went like this
Santa: "Ready Rudolph?"
Rudolph: "You know watch Santa? Fuck you! Your Fat ass and the rest of these arrogant fucks can deliver this shit buy yourself. I'm get out this bitch. Peace.”
This blog is dedicated to my sister. This movie subconsciously fucked us up a little when we were kids.
Santa. Fuckin asshole
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