So at about 1 o’clock yesterday afternoon. I saw John Stamos post something on his Twitter account that he was going to be performing with the Beach Boys down the street from me in New Brunswick. So I said to myself how many times do you get a chance to see Uncle Jesse right down the street from where you live? I figured I would tweet him and see if he could hook me up with some free tickets. To my surprise Stamos responded back almost instantly.
He then proceeded to direct message me, asking for my name and how many tickets that I wanted. I gave him the info and he told me everything would be waiting for me at tickets will call pick up window. Coincidently I was setting up a date that night at the same time he was messaging me. (Yes it was match.com date cause that’s how I roll.) There is no more boss move in life than to tell a chick you are going to take her backstage to meet Uncle fuckin Jesse on a first date. I don’t even think she believed me when I told her.
So we fast forward in this story all the way to around 8 o’clock where my date and I are about to walk into the State Theater in New Brunswick. We realized that that average age of this crowd walking in was around 60 years old. I’m not fucking kidding. It only got worse when some old geezer out front looked at us and said, “Aren’t you guys a little young to be here?” Shut the fuck up pops, I’m here for Stamos. I could give a flying fuck about Brian Wilson and the Beach Boys.
We walk over to will call and sure enough, my man Stamos comes through with 4 tickets and 4 Vip passes. The nice thing to do would have been to give our extra tickets to a big fan out front. However, Im an asshole and I decided to keep them so my date and I could have an empty seat on each side of use like we own the place. Once concert started we realized the average age of this crowd looked closer to 75 than 60. Pretty sure the old guy in front of me fell asleep 3 times and he looked like his hip was going to snap as he tried to jam out to Kokomo.
When the concert was over we decided to give our extra back stage passes to this couple that looked like they loved the Beach Boys. When I went to give them the passes they lost their shit. This guy and his wife started telling me this was the 82nd time they have seen the Beach Boys live and that I just made their fuckin day. These 2 fans seemed like psychos and I started to worry that this was a bad idea. Together we all walk around back of the building where we could use our passes. As we get in there is this long all way next to the green room. All the bouncers pointed us into the green room. Not one second after we get in this nut job guy and wife we gave the passes start to verbally blow lead singer Brian Wilson. This guy literally told Brian Wilson his vocals sounded great tonight. Really? I leaned into my date and said, “um, we fucked up. We just gave those passes to absolute stalkers.”
Stamos was not in the green room yet so my date pops her head out the door and looks in the hall way. She sees him talking to some fans. We decided to get the fuck out of the green room and say hi to him. As we are standing in the hallway waiting for his conversation to finish he sees me and points to me as if he knows me. Eventually he walks over and says, “hey, you’re the guy from twitter right?” I said ya, we introduced ourselves and shook hands. Then out of nowhere the nut job husband and wife tandem comes over to Stamos and just kills our conversation.
Right away the wife starts blabbing away about how some guy just gave them backstage passes. She such a fuckin deranged clam that she doesn’t even realize I’m standing 2 ft from her. Then she tells Stamos we gave them to her. Instantly I reply, “I was being nice trying to give a big fan our extra passes... Just trying to be a nice guy.” I emphasized “nice guy” because I knew these people were insane and so did Stamos. I didn’t want him to hate me cause I took the extra passes he gave me and handed them to these fucks. Not even 5 seconds into the conversation this cunt asks Stamos “what is it like looking as hot as you do? The women must love you!” Stamos turns over his right shoulder looks at me and in a joking nature and goes, “this is your fault.” I laugh and he tries to small talk them for a bit. The both of them continue to ask him questions you would expect a 10 year old girl to ask. Stamos again looks over his right shoulder at me and my date and goes, “again, this is your fault” as he shakes his head. Eventually, these 2 people shut up and leave. I apologized to Stamos and he laughed and said don’t worry about it. We then proceeded to have a 10 minute conversation.
You're going to have a hard time believing the following facts I’m about to tell you. I promise you they are true. And yes, I am as boss as I sound in this story...
We start off talking to John about the show and what we thought of it. We also had some small talk about Twitter and just our situation in general and how cool it was the way we all met. Then he starts to ask about us. I look at my date and then Stamos and tell him that this is actually our first date. He looks interested and says, “No shit.” Then I blow his mind and tell them it’s also a match.com date and that she and I had never actually met until tonight. Stamos looks at me then my date and is bewildered. He goes “Wait, so you two met online and this show tonight is your first date? Wild.” I go “ya man, im big time like that.” We all laugh and then Stamos goes. But you two are real good looking people, why do you need to use online dating.” I look at him and go “John, picture yourself at home on Sunday. You got the NFL package, you’re watching 8 games at once all from your lay-z boy chair. Then you bust out the laptop and pick up chicks all with the click of a mouse.” With hand rubbing his chin, he looks at me raises his eyebrows and nods his head and says, “I see what you’re saying.” My date looks at me like I’m a fuckin dickhead. Then she goes,” creep on chicks while watching football huh?” I shrug my shoulders and look at her and Stamos and go “It's multitasking at its best.”
So we fast forward in this story all the way to around 8 o’clock where my date and I are about to walk into the State Theater in New Brunswick. We realized that that average age of this crowd walking in was around 60 years old. I’m not fucking kidding. It only got worse when some old geezer out front looked at us and said, “Aren’t you guys a little young to be here?” Shut the fuck up pops, I’m here for Stamos. I could give a flying fuck about Brian Wilson and the Beach Boys.
When the concert was over we decided to give our extra back stage passes to this couple that looked like they loved the Beach Boys. When I went to give them the passes they lost their shit. This guy and his wife started telling me this was the 82nd time they have seen the Beach Boys live and that I just made their fuckin day. These 2 fans seemed like psychos and I started to worry that this was a bad idea. Together we all walk around back of the building where we could use our passes. As we get in there is this long all way next to the green room. All the bouncers pointed us into the green room. Not one second after we get in this nut job guy and wife we gave the passes start to verbally blow lead singer Brian Wilson. This guy literally told Brian Wilson his vocals sounded great tonight. Really? I leaned into my date and said, “um, we fucked up. We just gave those passes to absolute stalkers.”
Stamos was not in the green room yet so my date pops her head out the door and looks in the hall way. She sees him talking to some fans. We decided to get the fuck out of the green room and say hi to him. As we are standing in the hallway waiting for his conversation to finish he sees me and points to me as if he knows me. Eventually he walks over and says, “hey, you’re the guy from twitter right?” I said ya, we introduced ourselves and shook hands. Then out of nowhere the nut job husband and wife tandem comes over to Stamos and just kills our conversation.
You're going to have a hard time believing the following facts I’m about to tell you. I promise you they are true. And yes, I am as boss as I sound in this story...
We start off talking to John about the show and what we thought of it. We also had some small talk about Twitter and just our situation in general and how cool it was the way we all met. Then he starts to ask about us. I look at my date and then Stamos and tell him that this is actually our first date. He looks interested and says, “No shit.” Then I blow his mind and tell them it’s also a match.com date and that she and I had never actually met until tonight. Stamos looks at me then my date and is bewildered. He goes “Wait, so you two met online and this show tonight is your first date? Wild.” I go “ya man, im big time like that.” We all laugh and then Stamos goes. But you two are real good looking people, why do you need to use online dating.” I look at him and go “John, picture yourself at home on Sunday. You got the NFL package, you’re watching 8 games at once all from your lay-z boy chair. Then you bust out the laptop and pick up chicks all with the click of a mouse.” With hand rubbing his chin, he looks at me raises his eyebrows and nods his head and says, “I see what you’re saying.” My date looks at me like I’m a fuckin dickhead. Then she goes,” creep on chicks while watching football huh?” I shrug my shoulders and look at her and Stamos and go “It's multitasking at its best.”
We make some more small talk about what im studying in school and why I followed him on twitter because I wrote a blog a week ago about how I thought he would be the best Edward Cullen if Twilight was cast in the 80’s. We laughed about it and then talked about a few other random things, then we decide to take some pictures. My date hands her phone to a security guy and asks him to take a picture of all 3 of us. Stamos then suggest that we take a picture with my phone too for my blog of just him and I. Which I thought was really cool of him. (Guy never seemed to be in a rush to get rid of us.) As we are just about to put our arms around each other for a picture he stops and leans back a little and looks right at me. Then he turns to my date and says, “Do we look a like?” As he says this he points to himself and then me. He’s like, “no, seriously. I think we look a lot alike. You’re a good lookin guy.” My date looks at me in what must have been the greatest dating moment of her life and goes. “Ya, he’s like a John Stamos Jr.” I blush like a school girl and look at Stamos and reply, “Thanks man, we’re like twins.” We then smile and take the picture as my ego explodes.
I thank him for the picture and go to shake his hand. He ignores me, steps to his left and in dead serious fashion pulls out his iphone, leans in inches away from my date and goes, “Before you go, let me get your number.” He holds his facial expression serious for a second and then laughs, places his hand on my shoulder and goes, “I’m just fuckin with ya.” We all laugh as I touch him on the shoulder back and say “Stamos, you son of a bitch! You had me there for a sec.” (pretty sure my date came in her pants when he did this.) We both shook his hand and thank him for everything. Just when we were about to walk away he stops and goes, “what are you guys doing after?” I told him we were just grabbing drinks somewhere. He tells me that there is an after party but he’s not sure where. He tells us to hang on a sec. He then goes in down the hall around the corner to find out where this place is from someone else. 1 min later he tells us he is going to a bar called Glo down the street and we are welcomed to join him. We were both very gracious of the offer and thanked him a ton and told him we’d probably see him later.
As we walked out onto the street I turned to my date with the biggest grin in the world and said, “did that really just happen? Fuckin Uncle Jessie basically said he and I were twins, that I was a handsome SOB and then he invited us to and after party.” We were both beside ourselves. My ego was so big that my feet didn’t touch the ground for the rest of the night. Anyone who knows me, knows that I’m already full of myself to begin with. Mix in John Stamos telling you that you look like an Italian god and now we're talking full blown egotistical maniac for life. For the remainder of the night I just kept looking my date dead in the eye finishing every sentence off with "Have Mercy."
My date and I went to a bar for an hour and then tried to go to club Glo that Stamos told us to show up to. As we got our ID’s checked we confirmed that he was indeed in there. However, just as we were about to pay a cover at the desk we had a change of heart. We both noticed how dark and loud it was in the club. I then pointed out it was only 45 min till last call. There was no doubt that Stamos was creeping on women somewhere in this club. The last thing we wanted to do was cock block Uncle Jesse as he’s trying to get is dick wet. Dude was too good to us to step on his game. Just wasn’t the environment for he and I to continue our bromance. So we decided to call it a night and go home.
Perhaps one day Stamos and I will meet again, forming the most lethal tandem in the history of bromances. Stamos and Stamos Jr. men want to be us and women want to be with us.
Have Mercy
.
Perhaps one day Stamos and I will meet again, forming the most lethal tandem in the history of bromances. Stamos and Stamos Jr. men want to be us and women want to be with us.
Have Mercy
.
