Hey Joslyn Davis,
How cliche can you get? These gift Ideas fuckin suck.
Who doesn't love stuffed animals? This guy doesn't. If you live with your chick you are going to have to sleep next to this fuckin thing for about 3 months. Its tough enough to cram two adults in a a queen size bed let alone throwing in a panda bear holding a heart right in the fuckin middle.
Build-a-bear is a god dam nightmare. Guys, never go to this store. Its a 45 minute fiasco that nothing in your life can prepare you for. I wrote about it a few years ago...
"Once you pick out an animal to stuff you bring it to an employee and she fills this bear with stuffing blown into it by a machine. So here is the humiliating part. Before she fills the animal completely with stuffing she asks you to pick out a little heart out of a box. Not a big deal right? Wrong!
She then asks you to kiss the heart and make a wish. After you look around and notice everyone in the store is looking in your direction you suck it up a kiss the friggin thing. Ok sweet I'm glad that's over with. Well its not over yet. Before you can put the heart in the employee asks you to do dance and spin in a circle three times and then you are done. Lady you are trippin! I'm thinking there is no way I'm doing a little dance in front of 20 people in this store. Well, the employees are trained in this and the use some friggin Jedi mind tricks and 5 seconds later I look like Puff Daddy and Mase dancing in the Mo Money Mo Problems video. (Bad Boy, Can't Stop, won't stop, uh-uh!)"
Edible arrangements are a rip off. Lets pay $65 bucks for a tree of fucking fruit. Lets face it, no one likes that pineapple anyway. Go to Stop and shop and buy a watermellon, grapes, and strawberries (don't forget the real thing you came for, the whippcream) $12 bucks and you don't have to have the talk "babe, do you want last piece of pineapple?"
Sweetheart candies! You're shitting me?!? They now make ones that say "text me and tweet me?" Yippie kay yay mutha fucker! Im def getting laid tonight. Maybe this year they will make them so I dont break my fuckin teeth. And no Joslyn, The god dam Joanas Brothers did not invent "love bug." Show some fuckin respect.
An Ipod? Sorry honey, its Valentines day not Christmas. No way I'm shelling out for an Ipod.
Oh make my own mix CD? 6 songs that are going on there. 50 Cent: Candy Shop, Rex N Effect: Rump Shaker, Phill Collins: Sussudio, LL Cool J: Doin It, R Kelly: Bump N Grind, Color Me Bad: I want to sex you up. What? I'm trying to have something I can bang to on this CD. Yes, You can bang to Sussudio. Just listen to the beat, its a personal favorite of mine.
PS. Hey Joslyn Davis, will you be my valentine?
