I Met The Stanley Cup On Martha's Vineyard and Gave it an Ass-out Hug

As you wait in line to get your moment with the Stanley Cup you have these preconceived notions as to what you are going to do when you get there. You have an idea of how you want to stand and what you want the picture to look like. The closer you get to the cup all those thoughts go right out the window. Your heart starts to race and thoughts quickly flash through your head. You think of the all the ups and the downs you have had over the years while supporting this team and how long you've waited for this moment.  As you slowly take your last 2 steps and wrap your arms around the cup your mind goes numb. The only thing you can think of is being in that exact moment.  Its tough to put into words so I will let the pictures of that day do most of the talking...

(Yes those sideburns are thick as fuck. That's how I roll muthafuckers)

I was so overwhelmed after touching the cup I squatted down against the wall and just starred at it for a few minutes (VIDEO). I was at a loss for words. Staring at the cup and watching peoples faces light up was just too enjoyable for me to leave, so I didn't. I stayed for the entire 2 hour event and soaked it all in, talking to Bruins fans and watching everyone else get their moment with the cup. Its just not something you get to see everyday.

Thanks again to Yoojin Cho from the MV times for letting me stand next to her for 2 hours and pretend I was working for the news paper. Big shot out to the Edgartown police who knew I was full of shit and didnt work for the paper but they let me stay the whole time anyway. Thanks to David Welch for capturing the photo of me touching the cup. Also hats of to Jeremy Jacobs Jr. for paying for the entire operation and sharing his time with the Stanley cup with the people of Martha's Vineyard.  A very cool experience that everyone involved thoroughly enjoyed and a moment I will never forget

Ps. I almost lost my mind when this guy put his baby in the cup. I was rooting for it to happen baby after baby and and never did until this dad of the year showed up. Dude had no hesitation whatsoever and plopped his kid right in the bowl. I celebrated as if the Bruins just scored. The whole gym erupted in applause. It was the only time I actually wanted a baby of my own so I could put it in the cup. Then I realized I would have to change it and shit nevermind watch it for the next 18 years. Fuck that. I'll just live vicariously through this guy.

VIDEO: Check Out This Dickhead Getting Interviewed After He Touched The Stanley Cup in Martha's Vineyard

(Go to 57 Second Mark)

What a pussy. Dudes so emotional after touching the Stanley Cup he is squatting down in the corner just eye fucking it from a distance. Get your shit together bro. And whats this about your mom sowing your Bruins jersey back together? What are you 12? Grow up and stop being a little bitch.

PS.  I do have to admit this dude is pretty good looking. Kid probably makes women all over the island want to finger themselves when they are in his presence.


Thanks to Yoojin Cho from the MV Times for capturing this video

So This Asshole Claims He Saw Whitey Bulger in 2008 and He Did Nothing

BOSTON HERALD
SANTA MONICA, Calif. -- As the joke now goes here, Michael Bongarzone could have been a millionaire if he’d just called the FBI. It was 2008 and Bongarzone was managing Sonny McLean’s, a Boston-themed bar styled to look like an Irish pub in Southie. The Celtics were in the playoffs, the place was packed, and a lonely old man kept to himself in the corner. "The guy had sunglasses and a cap. I had a feeling it was him," Bongarzone, 47, a Scituate native, said. "Him," in this case, was James "Whitey" Bulger -- beyond famous in Boston as a ruthless mobster, and, now, famous here as the guy the FBI came and arrested Wednesday night. The guy who lived in a rent-controlled apartment near the beach, the guy who managed to spend 15 years walking around without anyone knowing he was a desperately wanted man with a $2 million bounty on his head. "I wish I’d said something," Bongarzone, who no longer works at the pub, said. "I’d probably own that bar." And so the story went yesterday, scrawled in writing on the wall of McLean’s’ men’s room -- "Whitey Wuz Here" -- and dominating the barroom discussion in this seaside city, a touristy LA-area locale where locals say it’s easy to blend in...

Michael Bongarzone is a fuckin idiot. Your telling me Whitey Bulger is just chilling at 5 ft away from you for a few hours and you did nothing?  If I was there I would have knocked old whitey on his ass so fast it would make your head spin. Just strunt up behind him and wisper in his ear. "Excuse me, you ever dance with the devil in the pale moon light?"  Before he could answer I would kick his barstool out from underneath him so is chin smacks on the bar. Then I would jam my knee up against his head and whip out my cell phone to call the FBI for my 2 Million Dollar reward. 

What if it was the wrong guy you ask?  Fuck it. Means an inocent man got a beat down. You got to take big risks to get big rewards.

PS. Sonny McLeans in Santa Monica is like fake life. If you ever go to the west coast you have to visit this place during a sporting event.  Every transplant Bostonian in a 20 mile radius comes here to watch games. The entire bar is filled with Boston Sports memorabilia. Even all the people that drink there sound like dudes from Southie. Its like a save haven for Massholes. Can totally understand why Whitey went there. Makes you feel like your in the heart of Boston.

Website Lists 1000 Things That are "Awesome." The List Sucked So I Made My Own

1000Awesomethings.com

So for a 1000 days in a row this website posts 1 thing a day people consider to be “awesome.” Not a bad concept but whoever types this list is dropping the ball. I bailed after reading through 200. This list sucks. Here are some highlights.

#997 Locking people out of the car and pretending to drive away

Real cool dude, Grow the fuck up

#993 Fat baseball players

Ya, I love watching fat lazy fucks that make more money In one day than I will make in my entire life.

#943 Using Q-Tips the way you’re not supposed to use them

I don’t know where you shove em. mine only go in my ear

#939 Hot cream and a straight razor on your neck at the barber shop

What is this 1965?

#896 That feeling you get right after you just vomited

What the heartbeat headache and the raw sushi you ate 3 hours earlier staring at you right in the face in the toilet bowl? Ya, good times.

#886 High fiving babies

Actually I love that shit. This one can stay

#849 The fetal position

The fetal position?  WTF?


Ok this list fuckin blows, I cant read anymore. I decided to come up with my own. In no particular order, my top 20 list of things that are "awesome."

1.) Hot Moms in yoga Pants
2.) Cutting People off at Cape Cod Rotaries
3.) Running through the streets of Boston after winning a Championship

4.) Crop dusting a room right before you leave

5.) BJ’s (not the store)

6.) Thanksgiving Special from Mansfield Deli

7.) When its snows during a Patriots game

8.) Hitting the last Cup in a game of Beer Pong

9.) Tim Thomas's Mustache

10.) When In the air tonight comes on the radio while driving around on a summer night and you play the air drumbs at the part you fuckin know im talking about.

11.) Being 29 and Not having any Kids or a wife

12.) A Great One Regular from Dunkin' Donuts

13.) Open Bar at Weddings

14.) Monte Cristo from Jimmy's Pub

15.) Watching uncoordinated fucks drive mopeds on Martha's Vineyard

16.) Creeping Pictures of hot chicks on Facebook

17.) Being able to hit the ignore button on your cell phone

18.) Not pulling the last sheet off the paper towel roll so you don't have to change it.

19.) Finding a random Boston Herald in the Bathroom stall at work when you need to drop a deuce

20.) Breadsticks at Olive Garden

Yup. This list basically says Im a huge womanizing Masshole that wont grow up, who loves beer, women, dunkin donuts and sports. And in that case this list would be right.

Ps. I would kill for a Dunkin Donuts on Martha's Vineyard. I think I'm starting to have withdrawals.

Feel free to add your own fucked up "Awesome" list in the comment section.

VIDEO: Dude in Lucic Jersey Gets Knocked The Fuck Out During Vancouver Riots

(Im pretty sure that sound you heard was this dudes skull hitting the pavement)

I'm was going to post this last week but all I had was the second video. I never knew how this kid actually got knocked out. We'll now we know. Bush league move by the bouncers outside this bar.  Way to double team shove this Bruins fan when he was just trying to get that old man out of his personal space. Like to see this kinda shit go down with more Bruins fans around.  Can you picture if this happen with 30 people from Southie in Bruins Jerseys and Drop Kick Murphy t-shirts? These bouncers would have gotten curb stomped to oblivion. Shit would have made Whitey Bulger look like a saint.

Whatever, Fuck you Vancouver. This Bruins fan got the last laugh.

Ps. Whos the random dude in Cycling gear riding through the riots?  Not a good day to be a hero there Lance. Im sure he was kicked off his bike and killed 5 minutes after this video was taken... On second thought looks like dude was a cop. If thats the case they need to change the police uniforms to not look like the fuckin stage leader jacket in the Tour de France.

Chief's Taxi Cab Confessions From Martha's Vineyard: Free Rent Is Free Rent Right?

This Scruffy heavy set guy waddles over to my cab and asks for a ride. As soon as he gets in he tells me most cabbies don’t want to give him a ride because they are afraid he won’t tip them. So right off the bat this cab ride is going good.  This dude is so shitfaced he can barley speak words you can comprehend. On his lap he’s holding this bag full of take out that smells like a sack of smashed assholes. Add to the fact this guy is sitting right next to me in the front seat.  As we drive down the street we start chatting about life on the island.  The whole time while I am listening to him Im trying not to Ralph all over my dashboard from the putrid smell oozing from him. He gets to the point where he tells me about his living situation. Here is how the conversation went:

Guy Who Smell like balls: Ya, Man. My lady is gone all weekend. I can do whatever I want.

Me: Fuckin right dude. You should throw a ripper tonight and pound some bruschis.

Guy Who Smell like balls: Haha! Ya, man. That why I got me this take out food right here so I can spread out and have meal all to myself.

Me: Nice, Ya that shit smells good

Guy Who Smell like balls: Also It’s nice to not have her home so I don’t have to bang her.

Me: A men brother. Everyone needs some free time right?

Guy Who Smell like balls: She’s not even my girl friend. I just bang her here and there so I don’t have to pay rent.

Me: So she is your landlord slash roommate?

Guy Who Smell like balls: hahaha!  Yeaaa!  When the rents due I just throw it in her a few times.

Me: Sweet deal bro.  I mean free rent is free rent right?

A few min later I gave him a high five and dropped him off. Great guy

PREVIOUS TAXI CAB BLOGS:

Taxi Cab Cofesssions: Training Day

Ked, Can You Fahkin Believe it? They Caught Whitey Bulgah Dude

LATIMES-

Legendary Boston crime boss James "Whitey" Bulger, who has been on the run for more than a decade, was arrested Wednesday in Santa Monica, multiple law enforcement sources told The Times.  Bulger, 81, has been the subject of several books and was the inspiration for "The Departed," a 2006 Martin Scorsese film staring Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon and Jack Nicholson.  Bulger fled Boston in late 1994 as federal agents were about to arrest him in connection with 21 killings, racketeering and other crimes that spanned the early 1970s to the mid-1980s.  He was arrested by the FBI inside a building without incident, according to the sources, who asked not to be named because they were not authorized to speak on the matter. The details surrounding his arrest were unclear Wednesday night.  The FBI in Los Angeles declined to comment.  The arrest came as the FBI launched a media campaign in 14 cities to help determine Bulger's whereabouts.  The last credible sighting of Bulger was in London in 2002, the FBI said.

Well, well, well. The chase finally comes to an end. Hey, let face it. Whitey Bulger made Dr. Richard Kimble look like a fuckin pussy.  The guy is on Americas Most Wanted  every week and just disappears without a trace for 16 years.  Its not like this asshole is in the prime of his career. Dude is fuckin 81 years old.  

I was 13 waiting for my nuts to drop when this guy first went on the lamb. I never thought I'd see the day he was captured alive.  I figured someone would find his skeleton one day at a mansion in Maui sitting at a table surrounded by mounds of money just chilling there like fuckin One Eyed Willie.

Ps. I would def Smush with the girl at the 34 second mark. I'm a sucker for exposed shoulders.

Gronk Golfing with "The Miz"

(MIZ TWIT PIC)

Training Camps right around the corner. Best Tight End in the NFL golfing with the WWE Champion The Miz. Boston Sports Athletes.  Can't Stop, Wont Stop. 

Video of Marchand and Chara In a Surreal Moment At Shrine in Foxwoods

This is a surreal video. Marchand just owning the club with techno beats and strobe lights going off with big Z in the back round hoisting the cup. Is there any doubt now which trophy in all of sports is the most impressive? The arguments not even close

Stanley Cup Just Chilling in Vegas

The copious amounts of Bruins and Massholes that thing has seen in the past week must be unreal.

Oh, for the Pink Hats. The reason why the cup is in Vegas is for the NHL awards tomorrow night. Where Tim Thomas is the odds on Favorite to win his second Vezna Trophy. Capping off one of the greatest seasons for an athlete in the history of sports let alone Boston.

BREAKING NEWS: The Stanley Cup Will Be On Martha's Vineyard This Weekend

MVTIMES

There is no historical evidence that Lord Stanley ever visited Martha's Vineyard, but his Cup is coming to the Island this Sunday, and Bruins fans are reveling at the prospect of seeing, and maybe even touching, hockey's Holy Grail. The Boston Bruins captured the Stanley Cup, symbolic of the National Hockey League championship, after a grueling and exciting seven-game final series against the Vancouver Canucks that concluded last Thursday night. Jerry M. Jacobs Jr., Katama seasonal resident and son of Jeremy M. Jacobs, Bruins owner, will be at the Edgartown School from 9 am to 11 am with the coveted Stanley Cup. Tony Chianese, co-owner of Edgartown Marine and a friend of Mr. Jacobs, helped arrange the visit. Mr. Chianese said Mr. Jacobs loves the Vineyard and wanted to do something very special for Island residents. Mr. Jacobs is the Chairman and CEO of Delaware North Companies, one of the world's leading hospitality and food service companies. His son is a principal in the company. Edgartown police chief Tony Bettencourt said organizers of the event asked if his department could help with security. "I told them we'd be happy to do that," Chief Bettencourt said. "The town is looking forward to it, everyone is looking forward. I expect it's going to be busy. There's going to be a lot of people there." Chief Bettencourt said he had no trouble finding extra officers among the many Bruins fans on his staff, to help with traffic and security Sunday morning. "The volunteers are flying in," he said.Hockey Hall of Famer Cam Neely, currently president of the team, is a frequent summer visitor to Menemsha. The Bruins legend barely causes a stir during daily visits to fish markets in Menemsha.

(There is a God and today he shines down upon me)

I literally dreamed about this moment.  I knew somehow the Stanley Cup would get to me on this island. Come Sunday morning I will kick island kids out of my way just to touch this cup. I dont give a fuck if infant toddlers are infront of me. I will punt them so hard they will splash down somewhere in Edgartown Harbor. This is my day!    

Ps.  I have big feeling this Cup is going to be somewhere at a bar on Saturday night. Believe you me, I will find where this thing is and sip from Lord Stanleys Cup all night. I still cant believe this is happening.  I might just sleep in front of the school all night in my 1980s Bruins jersey.

Double Ps. Dave Portnoy, Holla at me. I will report on this things where abouts like a muthafucka this weekend.

Cue the fuckin Music!  Wooooooooooh!

Another Pointless Fight after the Bruins Parade: Massholes Will be Massholes

(Tilt Your Head to the left)

"You hit me first Muthafucka! gimme that address muthafucka!  I'll find you muthafucka!"

Yo, tough guy. I hate to break it to ya but you were getting your ass kicked by Bam Bam Bigelow here.  I suggest you listen to the Middle Eastern MBTA worker and walk away.

PS. Are those Sneakers Purple?

So This Couple That Was Kissing On The Street During The Vancouver Riots Speaks

This story fuckin sucks. These 2 were boyfriend and girlfriend?  That ruins everything.  In my mind I made up a story where these 2 Canuck fans just locked eyes in the middle of rioting and instantly went into DTF mode, fell right to the ground and started playing a game of "wandering hands." Now this pussy Scott Jones tellls me he was trying to comfort his girl friend of 6 months by cuddling with her in the middle of the street?  Get the fuck out of here bro. Your hockey team just lost game 7 of the Stanley cup and the city is burning to the ground. Its every man for himself.  She falls to the ground your Australian ass needs too shout out "have a good one mate" as she gets stampeded by police and douche bags in Alex Burrows Jerseys.

Sorry, My teams season just ended, the cities on fire and I've only known you for 6 months.  Its been real.  Seacrest Out!

Question For the Women. How Wet Do Boston Pink Hats Get When They See This Picture?

Prob about as Hard as I get When I see Nathan Horton's Wife with the Trophy.

Bruins Parade: Fat Cows Fight On T Red line

Yup. The headline of this video pretty much sums it up. Not much to say here really except how scared is the kid sitting right near the door? These big chicks are beasts. I haven't seen a tag team that lethal since typhoon and earthquake.

Ps. How bout the guy in backround on that train yelling out "hit her, hit her, hit her!"  Calm down buddy these are still women.  Wait. Are they?

How to Make A Boss Replica Stanley Cup for the Parade Tomorrow

Jesus Christ. What is this an erector set? Looks like it takes 2 fuckin weeks to make.  And how sturdy is this bitch?  Have you ever seen Massholes touch a replica trophy?  They physically do everything they possibly can with it short of dry humping it.  This thing would be broken with dry cum stains all over it in 15 seconds.  Good luck having that last during the parade tomorrow sweet tits.

Fuckin tin foil. unbelievable

Bruins Win The Stanley Cup: I Cried like a Baby

(thanks to Megan for taking this pic and capturing this moment)

I spend way too much money on sports memorabilia, clothing, tickets and TV packages. There are times I will miss important events or change my schedule just so I can watch a game. Any women who has dated me knows we are not doing anything on Thursday or Saturday nights because the Bruins are on. At times I question if its worth putting myself through all this.  People often ask me why I am so obsessed with sports.  Most of the time I really dont have a great answer. Last night the answer to that question came trickling down my face.

As the game ended the bar I was at played beautiful day by U2.  People all around the bar shook up beer and sprayed it into the air. As the beer came raining down and soaked my head, tears filled my eyes. I found the answer. This was why I watched all season.  This was why I spent all that money on the NHL package to watch the B's while I was at school in NJ.  This was why year after year I cleared my schedule for this team. This was why I never wavered for one second away from a sport that was clearly 4th on the totem pole of Boston sports. I did it all for that moment.  A moment where all the time and emotion you have put in for years all comes to fruition.

I will never forget that Moment for the rest of my life.  Sports has a funny way of humbling you in so many ways.  I watched the Bruins religiously since 1993. I've seen a lot of brutal seasons and felt heart breaking losses. On the night of June 15th 2011 my faith was rewarded.  It  took a while for reality to hit me that we won.  As I sat on the Ferry headed back to the Vineyard this morning, a guy saw me in my championship gear.  He walked up to me, held his fist out for me to pound it and said, "We're world champions." As the sun shined down on me in the middle of Vineyard Sound it finally hit. You're right my friend, we are world champions.

Thanks to everyone that read and followed my Bruins posts all season.  I had a hunch that this was going to be a special year and I wanted to document it.  I guess that hunch was right.

BRUINS: Holy Shit. I Don't Know if I Should Be Sporting Wood right Now or Be Scared for My Life

This chick is fuckin fit for a straight jacket.  Rubbing your tits for the Bruins? Hell yes. Sign me up for that celebration everyday of the week.  But your collection of "Bruuuuins Jerseeeeeies!" killed my boner.  Bitch everyone knows Phil Kessel was a fuckin Pussy. You lost all your credibility instantly.  And what the fuck is a Weekend or a Fox jersey?  That is a shitty practice jersey. Get your shit together honey and clean up that fuckin pigstye of an apartment.

Ps. Nice lip gloss. Sext me after the game. 508-212-BRUINS

Thanks to El Prez at Barstool for the Shout-Out.  

Any time you want to hire an intern that can actually bring something to the table just let me know bro.  Thisguyblog@yahoo.com

BOSTON BRUINS GAME 7: Embrace The Moment

When this season started I made a promise to myself that no matter where I was living or what I was doing I would make every effort to get myself into Boston to watch a potential Stanley Cup clinching game for the Bruins if that day were to come.  Well, 9 months later that day has arrived.  In a few hours I will begin an epic journey. It will start on the shores of Martha's Vineyard and end in the streets of Boston tomorrow night. I encourage anyone reading this to make every effort to get into the city to watch this game.  Get out of work early, Find a baby sitter, Cancel whatever plans you may have had.  Tomorrow night is game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals. Your Boston Bruins have a chance to set thousands of Massholes into a state of euphoria.

Nights like these are special. Take advantage of being from and living near the City of Boston. We are the greatest sports city in the world.  To quote Mark Recchi "embrace the moment."

See you in Boston

Boston Bruins Stanley Cup Finals Game 6: Believe in Boston

Tonight the Stanley Cup will be in the Garden when the Bruins take on the Canucks in a game 6.  No way in hell this Bruins team allows these assholes to skate around with the cup in Boston. Not in our house. Not after the gutless style of hockey these Canucks have displayed. This team has embarrassed the Bruins and showed they have no respect for them. Fuck these flopping and diving bitches! They know who they are dealing with? This is the Boston Bruins. The most psychical, resilient team in the NHL.  All season the B's have played best when their backs were against the wall. They came back down 0-2 against Montreal and won in game 7.  They steam rolled the Flyers when everyone was waiting for them to fail.  They put on a defensive clinic against Tampa Bay in game 7 of the Eastern Conference finals.  And in this Stanley cup final they flipped the momentum and were able to tie the series at 2 games a piece after putting themselves in an 0-2 hole.  For one final time this season they must grab their shovels and dig out. When the playoffs started I wrote that I would be in Boston if the Bruins had a chance to win the cup. You bet your ass I am keeping that promise. This series is going back to Vancouver for a game 7. I'll see all you Massholes in the hub on Wednesday night. 

Does This Look Like The Face of a Guy Who Attacked a Dude With a Staple Gun at a Rotary in Nantucket?

Nantucket Inquirer 

An island man was attacked with a staple gun Saturday afternoon at the Milestone Rotary in an incident that turned heads at one of Nantucket's busiest intersections. Police believe Jose Tavares, 35, had a previous issue with the alleged victim, who he spotted at the Inquirer and Mirror parking lot just after 1 p.m. on Saturday, stopped his vehicle, and proceeded to attack the 39-year-old man with the staple gun. The victim was treated for a head wound at Nantucket Cottage Hospital and released. Tavares was charged with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon.

Wait. That shit "turned heads?" No fuckin way! I thought that ish was common place on Nantucket. Just Assholes in Vineyard Vines polo shirts and boat shoes staple gunning the shit out of each other left and right.

How fuckin slow to react do you have to be so another person can put a staple in your head? Can't you see this shit coming from a mile away? I need some more deets.  Like did this guy just get pistol whipped with the staple gun or did he literally take a few staples to the dome piece?  Cause that would make this story go from so-so to epic.  Get on that shit Inquirer. I need to know this info STAT!

Ps. One: these parents are fucked. Two: Is this baby already balding?  Cause that is the meanest widows peak I have ever seen.

Chief's Taxi Cab Confessions From Martha's Vineyard: Back In The Saddle Again

So my first day working was last Friday night.  My boss pretty much gave me the keys and threw me to the wolves.  I realized Friday nights bring out a different kinda crowd.  A crowd that loves to get shitfaced and then act the fool in your cab as you drive them home.  Hey, I cant blame them. If I wasn't driving this cab I would be right next to them.

The Following events happend Last Friday night on a place we like to call "The Rock" Aka Martha's Vineyard.

10:15 PM:
This dude walks up to my cab and just opens the door, gets in and says "are you ready?"  Umm... Ya dude, like how bout you ask that before stumble into my cab without permission.  As he gets in I can smell the booze coming from his body.  Guy is completely shitfaced.  So I start to drive away and bring him to where he wants to go.  This is my first night so I am still getting used to everything.  I pulled over real quick because I had and issue with my Nextell Phone.  As I am fixing my phone this guy touches my shoulder and says, "I got to take a piss. I'll be right back."  Mind you we are still in the middle of an area where people are walking around.  Luckily the dude couldnt figure out how to open the door. So I began to pull away.  As I am talking to dispatch about where I am bringing this guy he chimes in and goes.  "Hey! Ask your buddy on the walkie talkie if he knows where all the chicks are tonight."  Is this guy fuckin serious?  Bro, your like 55 years old and you have a  major potbelly.  Sit back and shut the fuck up so I can concentrate where I am driving your bloated ass.

11:33 PM:
I take this couple back to their homes right down the street.  This Brazilian guy and girl.  The girl is so drunk she needs help walking.  I can barely tell what the hell this guy is saying to me.  The whole time I am thinking this chick is going to Ralph all over the back seat of my cab. I eventually get to what I thought was their house.  He tells me to wait and brings this chick inside. At this point he is literally carrying her into the house.  He comes back and sits in the front seat next to me. I was like, "dude is that your girl friend?"  He was like, "No. that is my bosses wife."  Before I can even get a follow up question dude is like "I'm Gay. Are you gay?"  (Zach Morris Time Out)  So at this point this just me and this guy by ourselves driving through the streets of MV in the middle of the night and I think this dude is hitting on me. Come on dude, this is my first night. Can I get a few nights in before I get to awkward situations like this?  (Time in)  I just kind of awkwardly laugh and reply, "Nah dude, I'm a big fan of women."  Then its silent for like 30 seconds, but is seemed more like 30 minutes.  I soon drop this guy off and peaced out of that situation.

12:12PM:
This tall redheaded chick comes up to my Cab and asked for a ride down the street.  She gets in the front seat. (I already hate when peeps get in the front seat).  We wait for a few minutes so I can see if I can get more passengers heading in the same direction.  This guy comes in the van and we drive off.  The guy in back is drunk as a skunk and he looks grimy as fuck.  As we drive away this girl wont stop talking.  Like just a loud quick talking drunk.  As we get close to where she is staying I see poeple walking on the street.  This girl starts screaming "Oh, those are my friends! Pick them up!" So I pull over and tell this couple to get in. Once they get in this chick next to me takes the radio and turns it up full blast.  I turn it down.  She turns it up and starts whipping her hair around like Bret Michaels in a Poison video. I turn it down again when we pull up to the cottage they are staying at.  As I walk around to open the door this crazy ass ginger cranks the radio up again full blast. Then she starts screaming.  So here I am at about 12:30 in the morning and Back in the Saddle Again by Aerosmith is blaring out of my cab while a over hyped ginger seat-dances her ass off. As one of her friends gets out of the van she leans into me and says "why do you have a homeless guy in your cab?"  I reply, "He's, not homeless, hes just having a real rough night." The red head hops on me and gives out a huge hug and then all three of them leave me and the homeless lookin guy alone.  I get back in the cab and look at him in the rear view mirror and blurt out. "Sorry about that, fuckin bitches are crazy huh?"  He looks back and goes "don't worry about it. I'm drunk."  Touche my friend. Touche.

Ps.  Too all the other cabbies out there pulling tricks to steal people from my cab I see ya'll muthafuckers. I'm remembering all you bitches. I'm learning this cab game real fast.  You think you can do this shit too me?  You Know who the fuck your dealing with? While you arrogant pieces of shits were still finding out where your balls were in 8th grade I was running this island. Who you think people are going to ride with?  Some 18 year old punk with a crooked hat or a well dressed smooth operator from Mansfield, MA? You assholes are going down. I'm the man up in this piece.  I run shit here, you just live here.

What The Fuck is Up with my Stange Obsession With This Cooler?

So I noticed an odd trend happening with myself where I use this fuckin cooler for everything. In New Jersey it was a fuckin coffee table. Shit was the bomb. On the weekends I would just fill it with Ice and lean over in my lay-z-boy and grab and frosty cold budlight 3 feet away from me.  Once I got to The Vineyard I had no where to put my TV and without hesitation I just put it on the cooler.  Like is this normal?  Who thinks like this? I mean if thing had front wheels I would probly drive it around the island.

Fuck mopeds. I got a 30 rack of Budlights chilling between my legs.

Someone Stole This Bitch From Wakefields Replica Stanley Cup and Shes Not Happy

Dead! Fuckin Dead!  What kinda asshole steals a life size Stanley Cup off the stairs of a little girls house? To be honest I would have stolen that a month ago. Are you fuckin kidding me? You see the picture of that cup? Things boss.  I would have been the baddest dude in the Hub.  Puck sluts just coming up to me left and right asking if they could touch "my cup." I would be the toast of Boston. News crews interviewing me every our of the day.  Just sitting on the set of ESPN with Barry Melrose shooting the shit about what it's like to rock a bomb mullet and coach Wayne Gretzky.  We'd pose for a few pictures and then crush some budlights while eating a couple of Bobby Orr sandwiches at The Fours.  Shit would help me network to the highest level.  My blog would be picked up in a heartbeat. Websites just beating the shit out of each other to get a piece of the Chief...

Life lesson # 10,923,093  Never leave a life size Replica of the Stanley Cup on Your front steps when your not home so you can go see Pirates of the fuckin Caribbean.  Because some Masshole will steal that shit so fast it will make your head spin.

PS. What the fuck is up with the Bunny?  Has this shit been out front since Easter?  Its a miracle it wasn't stolen sooner. Smarten up Abby Ross, you're better than that.

Stanley Cup Finals Boston Bruins Vs. Vancouver Canucks: Bruins Keys to Victory

This is it. 4 more wins and we will know what its like to watch our hockey team hold the Stanley Cup. It’s been a long season.  Many of you started watching this team in October when the opened the season overseas in Prague.  By mid February you were freezing your balls off somewhere watching the B’s pull off 6 straight wins on the road that helped define this season.  Now its June 1^st and its strange as fuck to be watching the Bruins play past Memorial Day weekend and into June. This is what it was like to be a Bruins fan in the 70’s and 80’s when the B’s dominated the sports landscape of Boston. The Bruin glory days are back. The stage is set with all of the lights shining brightly on the black and gold.  Standing in their way, the best time in the NHL. The Vancounver Canucks.

Keys to the Bruins winning this series 

• Matching up the defensive pair or Chara and Seidenberg on the Sedin Twins anytime they are out on the ice. This line will kill the Bruins if they are out there for an extended period of time against Kaberle and McQuaid.  If you notice that happen at any point in the series, get ready to spawn and ulcer and chuck your remote across the room because that matchup spells doom for the Bruins.
• Avoid taking bad penalties. I cant STRESS this enough. Vancouver’s power play is hotter than Blake Lively and Stacy Dash Combined. The Cancucks have a playoff Power play success rate of 28 percent while the Bruins come in at a historically embarrassing 8 percent.  Bruins need to keep on ice play to 5 on 5 if they want to compete with the Canucks.
• Get traffic in front of goal tender Roberto Luongo and elevate pucks when the net is open.  Luongo is a Vezna Trophy finalist as is Tim Thomas.  Although, their style of play couldn’t be any different.  The Bruins need to get screens in front of the net and then elevate pucks when rebound chances occur.  They will not beat Luongo on along the ice. He is too good.
• Know where Ryan Kesler is at all times.  Kesler is the “Krejic/Bergeron” of the Vancouver Canucks.  He happens to be playing the best hockey of his life and its at an MVP type level. I wouldn’t be surprised if Chara is out there against Kesler at times if he starts to dominate play.  The Bruins forwards also need to keep a body on him and not let him get free down the slot.  Bad defensive break downs will enable Kesler to capitalize on those mistakes.
• Continue to produce at the faceoff circle.  Often it’s the little things that can separate 2 evenly matched teams in the playoffs.  Krecji and Bregerogn need to continue their stellar play at the dot.  Vancouver looks to get centerman Manny Malhotra back this series.  Malhotra suffered a serious eye injury that was thought to be career threatening.  He’s regarded as one of the best faceoff men in the NHL.  When there is an important faceoff to be had, don’t be surprised to see Malhotra vs Bergeron.  Although it may seem like a minor point, the faceoff battle will be key to which team wins this series.
• Play ugly, nasty, defensively disciplined Boston Bruins Hockey. The Bruins cannot afford to get in a wide open, trading shot for shot style of play that they did at times with Tampa Bay.  Vancouver has too much fire power that will overwhelm the B’s.  The Bruins are regarded as the best defensive team in the NHL.  Which is good because they are going to need it.

Overall, I expect this to be a great series. Vancouver is clearly the more talented team from top to bottom.  It’s no mistake that they were the best team in the regular season and seem to be the best team in the playoffs.  As previously mentioned, if the Bruins can keep this a 5 on 5 series and stay out of the penalty box (avoiding the green men) they have a great shot at winning their first cup in 39 years.  Tim Thomas is going to need to steal a few games in this series for the B’s to have a chance.  In fact, he may have to steal all 4.

My prediction:  Bruins in 6 (my head says they lose this series but my heart says they win. Yes that was the gayest line I have ever used in a blog.) No one in the national media is picking the Bruins to win this series.  In fact some of them are picking Vancouver to sweep the Bruins.  They say there is no chance that the Bruins hold the cup.  Guess we'll will see about that...