So this chick is directly behind my seat so I cant really see her. At first I have no idea what the fuck is going on until one of the girls goes "oh, you probly shouldn't look back here." To which I reply "oh yea?" Before I can even turn my head and look, I see this chicks ass hanging out with her pants down to her knees yelling at her friends to take a picture with her cell phone. Mind you this chick pulling her pants down is actually pretty hot. Her firends are pissing themselves laughing trying to get her to pull her pants back up. Once her pants are back on this drunk chick decides its a good Idea to take a picture with her spread out like Jesus on the cross along my dashboard. At this point I am like WTF is this bitch doing? So she falls down in the middle of the passenger and drivers seat leaning up against my dashboard and then starts to lift up her shirt. As she is doing this traffic is at a complete stand still and I am just full on watching. Like fuck this dude. This is my cab. I'm going to stare right at you and your leopard print bra while you rub yourself and take dirty pics for your future ex husband.
After getting a few pics along my dashboard she then thinks its a great idea to get in my passenger seat. As she goes to get in from the back to the front she takes an epic nose dive right into the door panel. The thud from her skull hitting the door was so loud I literally thought she knocked herself out. Without missing a beat she sits right up and laughs it off like nothing happend. Then for some reason she tries to stand up and readjust herself and takes another nose dive. This time her head lands in my lap.
Now let me reiterate, we are sitting in traffic on a bright sunny day in Marthas Vineyard and this chick is face down on my crotch. I cant really do anything because we are rolling at 5 MPH. Her friends are laughing so hard they cant pick her up. So her mouth and face are just chilling near the zipper of my pants for 10 seconds straight. At one point these 2 dudes walked by the cab and started pointing and fist pumping to me cause they thought I was getting a BJ. So like the dick that I am I fist pump back and smile. Her head might have been there for more than 10 seconds, Im not even exaggerating. Like she was dead weight drunk laughing to herself while breathing heavily on my hog. Lets not bullshit here though. I gave zero effort to help this chick up. She could of left her face there all afternoon, I wasnt moving it. Eventually her friends helped her up and she sat upright for the rest of the ride.
When I dropped them off I came around to open the doors and I had to catch the drunk one as she was about to fall face first to the pavement. Once I got her to her feet her friends thanked me and then proceeded to touch my face and verbally come on to me while slipping me a 15 dollar tip. People were looking at us in shock. It was quite the scene. As they walked away a parking officer came over to me smiling and asked, "hey man, what just happend with those chicks." I just looked at him shaking my head and said "I don't know dude, but I got a boner."
