David Beckham Killed It On Ellen

Normally I would like to be my dickhead self and rip on this video but I can't for 2 reasons. One, I need to be happy cause this Red Sox depression is killing me and two, Beckham killed it in this video. Like dude just nailed it. He played the part so well that if he had been in my Target I would have sniffed the ever living shit out of his leg.  How can you resist that English accent?  "Ello, would you like to try dis Cologne? It's smells so mutch betta on my leg." .5 seconds and my head would have been inches from Becks crotch sniffing the hell out of that leg like I was 8 years old and it's was a scratch and sniff. I'd of went down on him so fast you thought I was spending my summers in P-Town and not Martha's Vineyard. Dam you Beckham, why do you have to be so charming?

How did the lady in the pink at the 3:15 mark walk right by him and not even flinch. I wish I had her will power.

What Happened Last Night? I Feel Like I Got Roofied

Did someone slip something in my drink? I feel like I am taking the walk of shame today as I leave my house. My 2 timing whoring ass was in bed with the Yankees last night hoping the Red Sox could clinch the final playoff spot with a win and a Rays loss? Jesus Christ... The events that transpired between 9pm and 12am was some of the most intense baseball any of us have ever experienced. A night where Masshole's openly rooted for the Yankees while simultaneously cursing out their own team is something that will probably never happen again. In the blink off and eye, the Sox pissed down their leg and the Rays finally started to mash the Yankees Tripple A pitching staff. Just like that the 2011 season was over.

Bottom line, this season should have never came down to last night. The excuse making by Adrian Gonzalez in the post game was unreal. His comments are an example of why this team did not make the playoffs with their "woe is me" attiude.

Listen to this guy. What a joke... The make up of this Sox team needs to change in the off season. The locker room chemistry needs to be shaken up in a major way. I don't believe that Francona needs to go. However, he does have something to do with creating that locker room chemistry. With that said, no manager can over come a pitching staff that had an ERA in the 7's for the whole month of September. That shit is not Tito's fault. This teams got a lot of work to do. Which is pretty pathetic when you realize they have 190 million dollar payroll.

Honestly, I really didn't want go this route but hearing shit from Yankees fans about how this collapse is bigger than what the Yankees did in 2004 is a joke. Do me a favor and watch this video and tell me a 9 game collapse in September is a bigger deal than blowing a 3 game lead in 4 days for the right to go to the world series against your biggest rival. Ya, I dont think so. Talk all the shit you want but we'll always have those 4 days in October...

Memo To Anyone Doubting The Red Sox, Don't Let Us Win Today

1. Jacoby Ellsbury, CF
2. Dustin Pedroia, 2B
3. David Ortiz, DH
4. Adrian Gonzalez, 1B
5. Ryan Lavarnway, C
6. J.D. Drew, RF
7. Marco Scutaro, SS
8. Carl Crawford, LF
9. Mike Aviles, 3B

So the lineup comes out and we got Ortiz in the 3 hole. Sure he was in there last night but friggin Lowrie was batting clean up. There is some nostalgia and magic about Papi in the 3 hole with Gonzalez behind him. Manny Ortiz ring a bell? Only the most lethal 1-2 combination in the history of baseball. This is the first time all season Ortiz and Gonzo have been bating in this order. Mark my words this combo is going to rake tonight and into the playoffs. Starting pitchers are going to shit themselves when they see this lineup. I mean you got the Future league MVP batting lead off, Scrappy as hell Laser Show in the 2 spot, the aforementioned Ortiz Gonzo next we got Lavarnway whos built like fuckin Gronkowski crushing bombs behind the plate, JD Drew who can take a walk with the best of em then Scu Suc Scuatro in the 7th sport who may be the hottest hitter on the team and you finish off with Crawford and Avilies.  Best god dam lineup in baseball. Oh, what about the pitching? Lester gets back to ace form today and then Lackey goes tomorrow and pulls a Derek Lowe ala 2004 and makes up for his shitty season in one money pitching performance.

Sox win tonight, Rays win tonight and then tomorrow at 4pm we have a 1 game playoff in Tampa for the right to go to the playoffs. In Boston we have been spoiled by success, we just assume we are entitled the playoffs. Truth be told we need this drama, we want this drama. Sure it would have been nice to not blow an 9 game lead in September but shit happens. This is Boston Sports, nothing comes easy. We win the next 2 games and we go from a car stalled out on the side of the road to Ferrerii going 100 MPH switchin lanes on the Mass Pike like whoa.

Just don't let us win today, thats all I'm sayin.

Did The Sox Really just complete the total collapse?

I can't believe this team has shit the bed like this. 6-19 record down the stretch. Way to be like and ace Beckett.  This team is dead. No momentum while playing uninspired baseball, deadlocked with the Rays for the final Wild Card Spot with Eric Bedard going to the mound tomorrow trying to salvage the season.  Get on your knees and pray pink hats, the lights on the 2011 season are about to go out.

What the Fuck Just Happened In NY?

Jesus Christ dude. This is the city of champions what the fuck is going on right now? Red Sox are getting donkey punched by the Yankees and are on the brink of the greatest collapse in history and the Patriots just pissed down their leg in Buffalo. I dont even know what to do with myself right now. Like  this is too much losing for me, Im not use to this shit. How bout that Patriot defense huh?  This team will do NOTHING in the playoffs unless they fix some major holes.

On a side note, at least Ochocinco looked good.

Bills Patriots, What To Look For In Todays Game Other Than Brady Throwin Darts

• The Patriots secondary is going to have a long day. The first 2 games of the season have made the Pats defensive backs look very vulnerable. Today the task doesn't get any easier against the high powered  offence of Buffalo Bills.  With Chung out, I worry about the rising tight end Scott Chandler torching the Patriots down the seems in the red zone. Chandler has 3 touchdowns in the first 2 games for the Bills. Lets not forget about deep threat extraordinaire Stevie Johnson and all purpose running back Fred Jackson. Fitzpatrick has a plethora of weapons to chose from and this could be another long afternoon for the Pats def.
• Old friend Brad Smith is now with the Bills. You may remember him from the NYJ. A very versatile player that will line up at QB, WR and RB on any given play. Pats can't sleep on where Smith is located because in the blink of an eye he can be down the filed for a big play.
• Offensively the Pats will be without TE/WR Arron Hernandez. It's sounds cliche and has been talked a lot about in the media, but if  there was a time for  for Ochocino to get involved it would be today. Overall, I expect the Patriot offence to be able to do whatever they want against this Bills def. Since DE Arron Schobel retired the Bills havent really had any serious playmakers on def that opposing teams have to seriously look out for.
• Getting back the Bill offence for a sec, Personally I am a big fan of what Ryan Fitzpatrick has done. The Ivy leaguer has really made a name for himself in a short amount of time. Its been a long time since the Buffalo Bills had a QB that could play at a pro bowl type level.  He's helped give Bills fans hope for the playoffs. I still think this Buffalo team has a ways to go but you can't help like the track this franchise is on.
• 15 straight wins is currently the streak the Patriots have over the Bills. The Pats haven't tasted defeat against the bills since the week 1 of the 2003 season where former Patriots Bledsoe and Milloy stole the show. Will that streak end today? Honestly, this is the best chance Buffalo has had in some time. They certainly have the offensive fire power to keep up with the Pats and the injuries to Haynesworth, Chung and Dowling only help Buffalo's chances. Unfortunately for Buffalo I don't think they can slow the Pats passing machine at all. Pats win this one and keep the streak alive but I don't think its going to be easy.

How jacked up are Bills fans going to be for this game? Somewhere in Orchard Park Mark Miller is crushing beers ready to kill road tripping Massholes in the parking lot.

How Many Masshole's You Think Are Going to See The Situation This Friday In Westborough?

"Meet Mike Sorrentiono and get his signature on a bottle of Devotion Vodka."

Get the Fuck outta here Julio's! This is a free event!?! You're telling me all I have to do is show up and buy a bottle of Devotion whatever the fuck Vodka and I get to meet the Sitch?!! Wow, this is like a dream come true. Wait, your located off rt. 9 right where 495 meets the Mass Pike? Yes! no way there will be any traffic getting there at 6 pm on a Friday night. Nice quick and easy location to get to a such a convenient time. Its not like every Masshole is coming home from work or heading out for the weekend. Not at all! OMG I'm so excited! Can't wait to tell my besties about this. Were gonna be so DTF for the Sitch!

New Facebook Layout Fakin Sucks Ked

Zuckerberg, what the fuck bro? If I wanted to go on Google + I would have went on Google fuckin Plus. This new layout is brutal. First off, I don't need you to categorize my friends list. Cause in my head that is already done for me in just 3 categories. They are the people I want to talk to, the people I dont give a fuck about and the hot chicks I want to creep on. Thats it. Lets not make this too complicated. And whats up with your suggestions for the top news stories in the past 8 hours? Your telling me my sister saying shes "tired" is a top news story? No offence sis, but I don't give a fuck about you saying you are tired at 7 am, that shit is not "Top News" worthy to me. 

Stop changing shit around Zuckerberg, I dont want a manual to go along with how to creep on Facebook. Shits starting to hurt my fuckin brain.

PS. They need a category for Chicks that just got married or had a baby because once that happens they're Facebook game takes and epic nose dive and they post nothing put wedding and baby pics for the rest of their Facebook lives. This way you can cruise through the new "married and having a baby" section and use it has birth control and examples on why you should be single.

Beer Was a Good Choice, Things to Look For Patriots Vs Chargers

1.) Devin McCourty and Rasi Dowling have a tough matchup against the 6'5 Vincent Jackson and Antonio Gates. McCourty has been picked on a lot as of late, last week in Miami and all preseason. Both corners have the size to match up with Jackson, the key will be being in proper position to out play Jackson for the ball when it's in the air.

2.) Getting Phillip Rivers off rhythm. Rivers is a very accurate quaterback. If the Patriots allow him to sit comfortably in the pocket he will pick the secondary apart. If the Pats let Henne throw for 400 plus yards its scary to think what Rivers could do.

3.) Special teams was a huge issue for a lot of teams last week. San Diego had a rough day covering punts and Kickoffs, which included a kickoff returned for a touchdown. Look for the Patriots to exploit this potential weakness and  get a couple of big returns for Edelman or Slater.

4.) Seeing how the Chargers cover Gronk and Hernadez will be interesting. I can't imagine they treat them the same way Miami did. Look for more press coverage against these 2 guys using conerbacks daring the Pats to beat them with the run. However, they may be just too dam good to contain.

5.) Is today the day Ochocino and Brady look in sync? Sure it looks like the Pats don't need Ochco after last weeks performance but down the stretch he will be needed. #85 is not going to be Randy Moss, but the pats don't need him to be. They just need him to come in and be like David Givens. A guy who is a great route runner that helps move the chains and gets open in the end zone on play action.

Also, lets not forget this is the first regular season home game without Myra Kraft. I believe a major reason this Patriots franchise is so easy to root for is because of the family atmosphere throughout the organization. That all starts at the top with Robert and Myra Kraft. They truly are the first family of New England Football. It will be strange not to see her sitting next to her husband whenever the camera pans to the owners box.  The Patriots have dedicated the season to her and will also honor her before the game.

Drew Bledsoe Week: Building Patriots Nation, The House That Drew Built

Before there was an ending, there had to be a beginning...

The team was coming off of a 2-14 season in 1992. There were rumors that the franchise was going to be moved to St. Louis. Foxboro Stadium was falling apart at the seams. Hope was beginning to fade for the old football team in New England. That all changed at the start of 1993 season.

Enter new owner in Robert Kraft and a new head coach in the legendary Bill Parcells. Together the two drafted quarterback Drew Bledsoe with the first overall pick in the 1993 NFL draft. The 6-5' 225 pound quarterback out of Washington St. brought hope to a franchise that was in dire need of a spark.

With virtually no running back for the first 2 seasons of his career Bledsoe passed an absurd amount. He set an NFL season record in 1994 with 691 attempts and 400 completions. This included in a legendary game that I will never forget against the Minnesota Vikings.

Down 20-3 at half time Bledsoe engineers a comeback and performance for the ages. He goes 45-70 and throws for 426 yards. His 45th completion was a TD pass to full back Kevin Turner in overtime. The touchdown gave the Patriots a 26-20 victory. Bledsoe's 45 completions and 70 pass attempts are both NFL single game records.

Three years later Bledsoe would lead the Patriots to the Super Bowl 31 against the Green Bay Packers. Although the Patriots lost, in just his third season he made the Patriots relevant to the Sports fans of New England.

Up until the late early 90's the Patriots were 4th on the list of Boston's most beloved teams. The Red Sox always are first, but the Celtics and Bruins were eons ahead of the where the Patriots franchise wanted to be.

The arrival of Parcells and most notably Bledsoe, allowed owner Robert Kraft to have faith in his purchase of the team. Bledsoe exited fans as revenue was brought in by all the ticket and merchandise sales. Thousands of fans fled to the old Patriots pro-shop to pick up their number 11 jerseys. People of New England finally showed loyalty to a team that always stood in the shadow of the 3 other teams playing in the city.

There eventually became a waiting list on season tickets. It was not to long ago that some Patriots games would be blacked out. Yes, blacked out! Meaning that the team didn't sell enough tickets for the networks to feel it was necessary to televise the game on TV. As a kid I could remember listening to the Patriots play the Dolphins in the final game of the 1993 season on the radio. Could you imagine having a Patriots game be so irrelevant that it wasn't even shown on TV? If you became a Patriots fan after 2001 you truly don't have an appreciation of what owner Robert Kraft, Bill Parcelles and Drew Bledsoe did for this franchise.

It's safe to say that without Bledsoe there would be no Gillette Stadium. Hell, route one used to be a 2 lane road. Majority of the Parking lots you see today used to be all dirt. Adjacent to the old Foxboro Stadium (Where Tobey Kieths Bar is Now) there was a pretty decent sized trailer park, where hundreds of people lived.

All those old dirt lots are now freshly paved. The glamorous Gillette Stadium now stands erect were the old horse track used to be. (Yes recent bandwagon Patriot fans, there once was an active horse racing track where Gillette Stadium now stands.) The Patriots were finally in demand and Kraft knew that his fan base would fill the new state of the art stadium and he can thank Bledsoe for that.

Plans for new CMGI/ Gillette Stadium were in the works far before Tom Brady came along. Brady was still going through puberty when Bledsoe was drilling TD passes to Ben Coates. Brady had zero to do with the erection of Gillette Stadium. Bledsoe built the foundation for the stadium and Patriots nation, Brady simply put the shingles on the roof.

As a player I love Tom Brady. I'm just making the point that Bledsoe played a huge role in the popularity of the New England Patriots. There is no doubt that Brady is a better quarterback than Bledsoe. However, if you followed the Patriots pre 1993, you know that this stadium and heck this team may not even be here if it wasn't for Drew.

Can you imagine Sundays in the fall without the Pats? Scary thought… Bledsoe is a class act on and off the field. His impact on this franchise is so much bigger than just wins and losses. On Saturday afternoon he will officially become a Patriots Hall of Famer. A fitting end to one of the most influential players in Patriots history.

Bledsoe NFL Career Ranks
• 6th in NFL history in pass attempts (6,717)
• 6th in NFL history in pass completions (3,839)
• 8th in NFL history in passing yards (44,611)
• 14th in NFL history touchdown passes (251)

Drew Bledsoe Week: Back In the Saddle Again, 2001 AFC Championship Game

It didn't matter if you were a Brady or a Bledsoe guy. This moment was one for the ages, it was like a scene out of a movie. Bledsoe comes in for and injured Brady right before halftime. To this point he hasnt had any game action since week 2 of the NFL season. Drew doesn't just come in and manage the game, he comes in firing frozen ropes. He hits David Patten 3 straight times with the final pass resulting in a touchdown to the back corner of the end zone. The sequence of plays were about as emotional as sports can get. This emotion was evident on the face of #11 as the clock ticked down...

Athletes are human. Here's a guy who had his job basically taken away from him. Instead of sulking all year he was professional about it. When his number was called he was more than ready to step up to the challenge. And because of that he went out a champion.

Is it Just Me or Do People From Boston Say "Fuckin" (Fahkin) Way Too Much?

The other day I'm out with some people from class pounding beers minutes from College Ave at Rutgers and it hits me. Wow, do I say "Fuckin" a lot. I mean I've always known I say it but its not that noticeable when you're in Mass. When you go to a different state It jumps out at you like the Fahkin Green Monstah ked. So there I am a few beers deep thinking to myself how come no one else here is saying "fuckin?" Like back home in Boston its basically taught to you as you're growing up. One day dad is workin on the car in the driveway and it happens. "Fahk this muthafakin lug nut, you piece of shit Monkey wrench!" And just like that you are baptized  into the work "Fuck."  I even notice it when I blog. No way in hell could I write and there not be the word fuck in an entry. Not to mention the fact that when I drink It gets magnificent tenfold. I don't think any of my friends from outside of Boston knew you could actually start and end a sentence with the work Fuck.

Fuck, any other fuckin Massholes have this Fuckin problem or is it just fuckin me?

Drew Bledsoe Week: Jambalaya, The 1996 Run To The Superbowl and Why Is This Guy Crying?

This season alone is the number one reason why I have a major sports addiction with not just the Patriots but sports in general.In 1996 I had season tickets which my mom actually won from work. Being 15 years old and having season tickets at the 50 yard line is fake life. When I look back at it now, its amazing how these tickets got in my possession. No way corporate america would let this kinda deal trickle all the way down the company and somehow end up in the hands of a 15 year-old. 

(Yes, Those were literary my seats. I even wrote "Chief" in Marker Under the #2. Which is proof that I have been a little dick head my whole life.)

This whole season was magical. I went to every home game including both playoff games. After the divisional game we waited outside the parking lot where the players parked. Back then there wasnt much security, not to mention it was like 3 hours after the game so no one was really around. Eventually all the players started walking to thier cars as they emerged from a big tent that was serving post game meals. Among the players was Drew. He talked to us for a while, singed autographs and then we took this picture.

One week later, the Patriots beat Jacksonville in the AFC championship game to get to the Superbowl. Foxboro Stadium was going nuts. (seen In the Video Above.) I was so young that I dont think I fully understood the magnitude of the moment. All season we had this husband and wife that sat right behind us in section 320, they also had season tickets.  These people were like our football family on Sundays, they definitively looked out for us. As the celebrations were going on all around us this guy hugs my cousin and I. He had tears coming down his face and said. "I'm so happy you guys, I've been waiting my whole life for this." Being just 15 I had no idea why this guy was crying over sports... 5 years later, Vinatieri hit the game winning field goal to give the Patriots their first Superbowl title. As I stood in my living room hugging my cousin tears welled up in my eyes. In that moment I now knew why that guy in section 320 was crying.

Drew Bledsoe Week: Patriot Missile Is Born, Bledsoe Engineers A Record Setting Comeback Performance

November 13th 1994 
This was the day Bledsoe was put on the NFL Map. The Patriots got thier ass kicked the entire first half to the Minnesota Vikings. Down 20-3 the Patriots completely abandoned the running game. Bledsoe would end up Going 45-70 for 426 yards and 3 TD's in a Patriots 26-20 overtime victory.  The 70 attempts and 45 Completions still stand has NFL Records. The win snapped a 4 game loosing streak and propelled the Patriots to win 7 games in a row and go to the playoffs for the first time since 1986. Fans get a taste of the Playoffs and Patriots fever begins to spread accross New England...

So Sarah Palin Banged Former NBA Super-Star Glenn Rice?

(Palin Def has that 80's Porn Star Look)

Miami Herald
A new book about tea party darling Sarah Palin has a salacious revelation about her sex life involving a well-known Miami sports star. According to The National Enquirer, which obtained an advance copy of a book about Palin by investigative writer Joe McGinniss — Palin and former Miami Heat player Glen Rice had a one-night tryst back in 1987. At the time, the former Alaska governor, now 47, was single, just out of college and working as a sports reporter at Anchorage TV station KTUU. Rice, 44, who lives in Coral Gables, was a promising junior basketball player at the University of Michigan. Their encounter occurred while Rice was in Anchorage attending a basketball tournament and Palin apparently covered the event. Months later, in 1988, Palin eloped with her high school sweetheart Todd Palin. The two are still married. Quoting from the book, the tabloid said that at the time, the 23-year-old Palin had a “fetish” about black men.

I knew Sarah Palin was a freak in the sack! I mean just look at these Hooker boots. The real question is how did Glenn Rice wait so long to tell this? Like dude, strike while the iron's hot. You should of went after Palin a few years ago when she was battling with Jon MCain. Imagine how fast that book would have sold then.

Ps. I know this happend while Rice was in college but, I wouldnt be surprised if she banged Ronnie Seikely and Harold Minor too. I mean you got to bang Seikly cause of the full head of hair and Harold Minor's nickname was fuckin "Baby Jordan." I mean the nickname alone at least deserves a BJ.

Drew Bledsoe Week: 10 Reasons Drew Bledsoe Will Kick Your Butt

I remember my cousin had this poster on his wall. I mean there are posters and then there is The "10 Reasosns Drew Bledsoe Will Kick Your Butt" poster. In the 1990's Bledsoe was the fuckin shit. Every kid in New England had a Bledsoe Jersey there were posters and t-shirts everywhere. Drew was really the first true player the team that they could market and point to saying, "this is our franchise guy." He came in with high potential and high expectations, with it he brought life back to a fan base that was in dire straights.

Ps. If anyone has vintage Bledsoe Stuff let me know. I know my man Rob has a sick Patriot Missile shirt with Bledsoe as half man half missile. It may be one of the greatest t-shirts of all time.

If You Love The Patriots, It's Time For You to Catch Up On Your Drew

WELCOME TO DREW BLEDSOE WEEK

This weekend former Patriot quarterback Drew Bledsoe will be enshrined in the Patriots Hall of Fame. Now for those of you that know me, you know that my love for Bledsoe is borderline obsessive. like If I died tomorrow and looked down from heaven at my funeral and one of my friends didn't throw a Bledsoe Jersey in my coffin I would be pissed. Anyway, I feel like Bledsoe had a major influence in the Patriots culture that we enjoy today. Throughout this week I will post my favorite moments of Bledsoe's career and drop a little knowledge for some of you newer Patriots fans.

Our Stadium was a dump, our team sucked, games were threatened to be blacked out, no one respected us, we were the laughing stock of the NFL, hope for a winning season was doomed... that all changed when we got Drew.

AMBER ALERT: Last Seen Wearing a #85 Jersey at Patriots Training Camp

Hey Im not trying to rain on the Patriots game one victory but did anyone see Ochocino?  Dude clearly has no idea what the fuck he is doing on offense yet. I know its only game one but this doesnt look good for Pepe. The gameplan was clearly to go no huddle most of the game so maybe he just isnt up to speed with the 2 min offense. Regardless, I barley even see shots of him on the sideline. I mean fuckin Matt Slater got more snaps than Ocho. Who knows what will happen. I mean its not like there's any free agent wide receivers out there who know the Pats offence.

By the way, I dont like the way the defense played at all. They still have a lot of work to do. Haynesworth needs to play his ass into shape so he can stay on the field longer... Pat Chung played like Rodney Harrison tonight... Gronk and Hernadez are the best tight end duo in NFL history... Brady is going to piss all over every team in the NFL... and I will never get over how bad Tony Sparano Looks like Bernie Lomax

Things to Look For On Patriots Opening Night

I want to see Ochocino and Brady get on the same page. The timing between these 2 has been brutal this preseason. Patriots offence is based off of read and recognition, meaning they often don't have a set route called in the huddle for a wide receiver to run. Both QB and WR have to be able to look at the defense and almost telepathically be on the same page.  With that said, I'm sure a few set plays will be run to get #85 involved in the offence to get a little game chemistry goin with Brady.

The "Natural Disasters" Wilfork and Haynesworth unleashed. I want to see these guys take on multiple double teams freeing up the outside rushers. Andre Carter could have 10-15 sacks this season benefiting from the attention these 2 are going to draw. And when teams decide to play them man to man straight up they will make them pay.

Defensive swagger. For years this Patriots team has lost its identity. What where they? Basically they seemed to be a vanilla base defense providing little to no pressure on the quarterback. The Patriots need to get off the field on 3rd down more frequently if the Patriots hope to do anything in the playoffs.

Nate Soldier.  The Rookie will have his hands full tonight against pass rushing specialist Cameron Wake. There's no bigger stage for a rookie to start than on Monday Night Football in an opposing teams stadium. However, Miami fans are softer than puppy shit and the crowd noise should not be a factor for the offensive lineman in tonight's game.

Continue to give opposing defensive coordinators nightmares. The Patriots have a versitle group of wide receivers, running backs and tight ends. The Patriots can mix and match these guys into to any offensive formation. Most notibly the Gronkowski and Hernandez. These 2 tight ends cause major miss matches for opposing teams and can be devastating when they're not defended properly... Besides Ochocinco, the rest of these weapons are seasoned veterans. Perhaps Offensive cordinator Bill O'Brian can spice up the play calling a little bit. I know they can beat teams straight up but it couldnt hurt to give teams more to think about.

Season starts in minutes. I cant wait muthafucker. Bart Scott and the Jets can go fuck themselves. Bulls eye is on your backs. We're comin to retake that top spot in the NFL. That journey starts tonight...

Twas the Night Before Patriots Season...

Twas that night before Patriots season, when all through the house Not a Masshole was stirring not even a mouse. The jerseys were hung, on the wall with care, in hopes to wish the Patriots good luck in the humid Miami air.

New England fans were nestled all snug in their beds, while vision of super bowl trophies danced in their heads. We tossed and turned un able to nap, because we knew starting tomorrow night ,we were going to give the rest of the NFL a really big pimp slap.

NFL Sunday. 32 Hours Before the Patriots Kick Off And I Need to Calm Down Before I Hurt Myself

I want this kinda shit back and I want it back right now. Look at this fuckin mad house. Ozzy is half dead coked out of his mind singing out a big helmet while our team comes stampeding out from underneath him. Was this shit real life? I totally forgot Freddie Prince Jr. was the host. Like Freddy, wtf are you doing at Gillette bro? The Patriots were so fuckin big back then everyone wanted to swing from our nut sack. Grab a hair Freddy Prince, we got pleanty of room.  Its time we get back to dominating the shit out of the entire NFL. I want live concerts and shit with fuckin Secrest hosting it. Casue that kinda pomp and circumstance means your team is back on top. Time to get this VIP on Swole and take back the league!

Ya, I know we don't play until tomorrow night. But I just had my second cup of Dunkins and its only 10:30. I'm so hyped right now I'm going to be a funkin psycho come Monday night at 7. I cant even concentrate toady, Im ready to head butt walls and shit. Lets do it Miami! LEEEEEEEEETS DO IT!!!!!

Sammie Sweetheart, Shut-The-Fuck-Up!

Ben & Jerry's To Come Out With "Schweddy Balls" Ice Cream Flavor

MYFOX BOSTON

MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP) - Ben & Jerry's is unveiling a new flavor, and it doesn't sound too tasty. "Schweddy Balls" is an homage to an old "Saturday Night Live" skit featuring Alec Baldwin as bakery owner Pete Schweddy, whose unique holiday offerings included something called "Schweddy Balls." Sean Greenwood, a spokesman for the Vermont ice cream maker, said Thursday that the company isn't worried about offending people with the name. He says one of the company's principles is to do fun things and that it fits in with that, just as it did with previous flavors like Karmel Sutra and Half Baked. The new flavor is available at scoop shops and supermarkets. It consists of vanilla ice cream, rum, fudge-covered rum balls and milk chocolate malt balls.

Brilliant marketing by Ben & Jerry's. I mean who wouldnt want to take a bite out of some Ice Cold Schweddy balls ice cream? Fuckin brilliant! Your god dam right Sean Greenwood isnt worreid about offending people. Nothing will stop people from buying and eating ben and Jerry's. He knows it, I know it and you know it. They could come out with a "Dirty Balloon Knot" flavor and people would still buy it. Keep it up Ben & Jerry's. I for one will be the first in line to down some Schweddy Balls... ice cream.

Reason # 3,542,711 Why I am Single: Psycho Ex-girl friend Calls Dude 65,000 Times in a Year

FOX NEWS
Dutch prosecutors are charging a 42-year-old woman with stalking after she allegedly called her ex-boyfriend 65,000 times in the past year.The 62-year-old victim from The Hague filed a police complaint in August due to the persistent phone calls. Police arrested the suspected stalker Monday, seizing several cell phones and computers from her home in Rotterdam. Hague prosecution spokeswoman Nicolette Stoel said Thursday the woman argued to judges at a preliminary hearing she had a relationship with the man and the number of calls she placed to him wasn't excessive. The man denied they had a relationship.The court ordered her not to contact him again.


This is why I stay the fuck away from relationships.  65,000 phone calls in a year wasn't excessive? Really? Im no math major but that averages out to be about 180 phone calls a day. How fucked up does someone have to be to call an ex that many times? You figure maybe at the 10,000 mark Nicolette would get the hint that this dude has moved on.

The man denied they had a relationship? No shit. No one in their right mind would want to be associated with this stage 5 clinger. Nothin screams cock block like a psycho ex girl friend that's sleeping in your bushes ready to stab you in the nut sack.

Albert Haynesworth and Vince Wilfork are Going to Absolutely Put the Fear of God Into Opposing Offensive Lines

Boston Herald

Last year. I didn’t even think I was going to play, I was playing a lot of scout team. Now, I’m in the system and I’m playing and practicing I think it’s time for me, the sleeping giant, to awake and go back on the field and play football again.” -Albert Haynesworth

Haynesworth and Wilfork have the potential to be the best sports combination to hit Boston since Manny Ortiz.  Personally I always wanted to see Wilfork play in a more attach 4-3 defense.  Since he’s been here his job was to clog gaps and take on double teams so the linebackers could be free to make plays. To the naked eye you didn’t see him make too many flashy plays.  In a 3-4 defense, a nosetackles job is never going to be flashy. His job isn’t to attach but to be unselfish and create opportunities for others to make plays. Now that has all changed. With Haynesworth Ridding shot-gun, big #75 is now unleashed.  Individually, they both have been regarded as the best defensive tackles in the league. Together they could form the most lethal defensive line combination in NFL history.  Could the Haynesworth do something stupid at any moment and get cut? Sure. But what if he toes the line and follows the Patriots modo? What if he returns to his pro bowl from? If he does the rest of the NFL better watch out.  Vince Wilfork by himself is Mack Truck. Vince Wilfork next to a motivated Albert Haynesworth is like two 18 wheelers loaded with cargo, coming down a steep hill with no brakes. Impossible to contain, impossible to stop.

This Tom Brady UGG's Commercial Basically Just Cut My Balls Off As a Patriots Fan

Hey, I know Tommy boy here has won 3 Super Bowls and is coming off a season in which he just won a unanamous league MVP but this shit ain't right. Nothing Screams bad-ass football player like rocking a sweet set of Uggs. You know how many fuckin chicks on campus wear a set of brown UGGS? Like all of them. How the hell am I supposed to back up my shit talking down here in the dirty dirty when my QB is wearing the same shoes of chicks I want to smush with? Its impossible. I'm just going to get my dick handed to me when I try to talk shit. Dam you Tom Brady. Stop being so metro sexual you good lookin son of a bitch.

Real quaterbacks sell wine muthafucka. Take notes

Walmart Employees Burglarize Store, One to Get a Car and the Other For a Penis

Huffington Post
PRESCOTT, Ariz. -- Police in Arizona say two Walmart employees burglarized the store where they worked to pay for a car and a sex change operation. Police arrested 23-year-old Spencer Danger Cullen and 19-year-old Adriano Valdes Altiveros III on Friday. Reinhardt says Altiveros reportedly told detectives he stole cash to buy a car. He says Cullen told police she stole the money to go forward with a sex change operation. Cullen and Altiveros remain in custody. The Yavapai County public defender's office would not say Wednesday whether the pair had been appointed attorneys.


Wait. One of this fuckers is a chick? I've been sitting here for 10 minutes trying to decide which one is the dude and which one is a chick. Seriously its a toss up. If you held a gun to my head I would have to say the one on the right. Huff post says the one on the left is the chick. I digress... The bigger story here is why not make up a better excuse? like Cullen did you have to go with the old "sex change" defense? I mean just make up anything. Say you to save money for college or that you wanted to help mom and dad out with some bills. Don't sit there and say you stole the money cause you wanted to turn your beaver into a dick. I'm not detective but that shit aint going to get any sympathy votes from me. Personally, I wouldn't know what I would do without my dick seeing how it makes about 99.9 percent of my decisions for me. It cant be the same deal for chicks. If they let their pussies do the thinkin for them I'm sure it would tell them to be a bitch once a month for about 4-5 days. Ya, like that would ever happen.

If A Pumkin Muffin From Dunkin Donuts Was a Chick I'd Marry Her

So I walk into Dunkins today and there she was. Just sitting there with her friends on the top shelf. All tan and glazed up, looking fine as hell. Its been months since we seen each other but it felt just like yesterday she was in my mouth. So warm and spicy, she tastes so good. I couldn't wait till I got her into my car alone so I could have her all to myself. Every year I think this is the year i will move on from her but I can't. Masshole's are incapable of resisting anything from Dunkin Donuts. Especially that sexy ass pumpkin muffin.

Lets go sugar tits, we got a lot of catching up to do.